Binta had just gained admission to the University and her brother Abdul, organised a picnic in her honour. Binta invited her friend from school, sixteen year old Ama, a pretty, quiet and naive orphan who lived with her maternal aunt. At the picnic, Ama met Kofi, a second year student of the university who expressed keen interest in her. One thing led to another and Kofi forced her into having sexual intercourse with him. She was ashamed and embarrassed at what happened and told no-one about what happened. About three months after the incident,  Ama exhibited some symptoms which she assumed was malaria, but her malaise continued in spite of completing the treatment for malaria. Her widowed aunt/ guardian Aunty Efua , took her to the hospital where she was confirmed three months pregnant. Aunty Efua could not conceal her shock and disappointment. ”Not Ama, how could it have happened”? After quizzing her niece thoroughly and berating her for her actions, she invited Binta and her brother for interrogation. During the interrogation, Abdul  informed Aunty Efua that Kofi was actually an acquaintance of a friend and not well known to him. He had visited from Ghana and since returned there. Thereafter, Aunty Efua sat Ama down to an instructive lecture on the choices available to her, highlighting the pros and cons to enable them arrive at the best decision in the circumstances.

Aunty Efua started by reprimanding her for going against the grain of her religious upbringing which advocates abstinence from  sexual activities. She however explained that there are a number of options available to Ama in her present predicament and offered to discuss the pros and cons to enable them make an informed decision. She went on to explain the available options  as follow:

1. “Early marriage – The question on this is – how prepared are you to marry this young man Kofi? Can you locate him and even if you do, will he be interested in getting married to you? Even if he is, you are both very young and do not have the maturity to handle the challenges marriage offers. So, much as this is an option, it is fraught with its own challenges such as finding the father and convincing him to be responsible, taking care of the baby while you both face your academics, providing for yourselves and the baby in the interim etc.For this to work, it requires the full co-operation of the parents/guardians. How does Kofi’s family see it? Would they rather “adopt” the child as theirs to raise or request that you raise the child but receive some form of child support from them. Whichever solution or combination of solutions is agreed, it is advisable you have access to your child, to provide maternal support. We will need to see Kofi’s parents to settle on this”.

• “Single parenting – If Kofi is totally averse to your having the baby and /or being responsible towards it, you may need to steel yourself up to be a single mother pending when you are blessed with a partner who will be both a husband to you and a father to your child. I however warn that it can have enormous though surmountable challenges. The emotional and financial toll of raising the child will be yours although, I will assist as much as I can”.

• “Adoption – We can register you with an adoption agency after weaning the baby and thereafter, you can return to school. Once they find interested parents that meet our preferred criteria, they will contact us to bring the baby over. I must however warn that once the child is given over to the adopting parents, all your motherly rights over the child cease and you must make a mental effort to forgo the child”.

After giving the options much thought, Ama settles for adoption especially as she barely knew the father. She sets her mind on having the baby and weaning it while preparing for her JAMB examination.

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Meanwhile, Yele and Bolaji Badmus had been married for eight years and had remained childless despite several attempts since marriage. The first five years were filled with the misery of miscarriages and the next three with failed attempts at In Vitro Fertilization. Totally frustrated, they sought the advice of a marriage counsellor who analyzed the options available to them. In the absence of biological children, the counsellor proffered two options:

1. Surrogacy. This could be:
2. Traditional in which case Bolaji’s sperm would be inserted into a surrogate mother who would bear the child. This however makes the surrogate mother the biological mother of the child and Bolaji, the Biological father. This can result in relational issues and controversies later in life as the Biological mother may create problems in spite of the agreements and documents signed or
3. Gestational, where Yele’s egg and Bolaji’s sperm would be combined and inserted into the surrogate mother which merely  makes the surrogate mother the vehicle for bearing the child. Yele would then remain the biological mother.

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• Adoption. This is  a legal process where a person takes on the parenting of a child from its biological parent and the child becomes his/hers legally.This terminates the parental rights of the birth parent and transfers all rights regarding the child, to the adopting parents. To facilitate this it is better to engage the services of an adoption lawyer as the relevant laws differ from place to place. Identifying an adoptee may be done through an adoption agency or an orphanage. It involves a lot of paperwork and usually, the adopter (prospective parents) do not interact with the adoptee’s parents.

Ama eventually registered with an adoption agency and gave birth to a healthy, bouncing baby boy. When her son was eight month’s old, the Agency reached out to inform her that suitable parents had been found for her son. Though reluctant to part with her son, she saw it as the most viable option for his care and upbringing. Mr.and Mrs. Bolaji Badmus, gained a son and were glad to shower him with parental love. A win/win situation, or was it?

Love

Havilah