Binta had just gained admission to the University and her brother Abdul, organised a picnic in her honour. Binta invited her friend from school, sixteen year old Ama, a pretty, quiet and naive orphan who lived with her maternal aunt. At the picnic, Ama met Kofi, a second year student of the university who expressed keen interest in her. One thing led to another and Kofi forced her into having sexual intercourse with him. She was ashamed and embarrassed at what happened and told no-one about what happened. About three months after the incident,  Ama exhibited some symptoms which she assumed was malaria, but her malaise continued in spite of completing the treatment for malaria. Her widowed aunt/ guardian Aunty Efua , took her to the hospital where she was confirmed three months pregnant. Aunty Efua could not conceal her shock and disappointment. ”Not Ama, how could it have happened”? After quizzing her niece thoroughly and berating her for her actions, she invited Binta and her brother for interrogation. During the interrogation, Abdul  informed Aunty Efua that Kofi was actually an acquaintance of a friend and not well known to him. He had visited from Ghana and since returned there. Thereafter, Aunty Efua sat Ama down to an instructive lecture on the choices available to her, highlighting the pros and cons to enable them arrive at the best decision in the circumstances.

Aunty Efua started by reprimanding her for going against the grain of her religious upbringing which advocates abstinence from  sexual activities. She however explained that there are a number of options available to Ama in her present predicament and offered to discuss the pros and cons to enable them make an informed decision. She went on to explain the available options  as follow:

  1. Early marriage – The question on this is – how prepared are you to marry this young man Kofi? Can you locate him and even if you do, will he be interested in getting married to you? Even if he is, you are both very young and do not have the maturity to handle the challenges marriage offers. So, much as this is an option, it is fraught with its own challenges such as finding the father and convincing him to be responsible, taking care of the baby while you both face your academics, providing for yourselves and the baby in the interim etc.For this to work, it requires the full co-operation of the parents/guardians. How does Kofi’s family see it? Would they rather “adopt” the child as theirs to raise or request that you raise the child but receive some form of child support from them. Whichever solution or combination of solutions is agreed, it is advisable you have access to your child, to provide maternal support. We will need to see Kofi’s parents to settle on this”.
  • Single parenting – If Kofi is totally averse to your having the baby and /or being responsible towards it, you may need to steel yourself up to be a single mother pending when you are blessed with a partner who will be both a husband to you and a father to your child. I however warn that it can have enormous though surmountable challenges. The emotional and financial toll of raising the child will be yours although, I will assist as much as I can”.
  • Adoption – We can register you with an adoption agency after weaning the baby and thereafter, you can return to school. Once they find interested parents that meet our preferred criteria, they will contact us to bring the baby over. I must however warn that once the child is given over to the adopting parents, all your motherly rights over the child cease and you must make a mental effort to forgo the child”.

After giving the options much thought, Ama settles for adoption especially as she barely knew the father. She sets her mind on having the baby and weaning it while preparing for her JAMB examination.


Meanwhile, Yele and Bolaji Badmus had been married for eight years and had remained childless despite several attempts since marriage. The first five years were filled with the misery of miscarriages and the next three with failed attempts at In Vitro Fertilization. Totally frustrated, they sought the advice of a marriage counsellor who analyzed the options available to them. In the absence of biological children, the counsellor proffered two options:

  1. Surrogacy. This could be:
  2. Traditional in which case Bolaji’s sperm would be inserted into a surrogate mother who would bear the child. This however makes the surrogate mother the biological mother of the child and Bolaji, the Biological father. This can result in relational issues and controversies later in life as the Biological mother may create problems in spite of the agreements and documents signed or
  3. Gestational, where Yele’s egg and Bolaji’s sperm would be combined and inserted into the surrogate mother which merely  makes the surrogate mother the vehicle for bearing the child. Yele would then remain the biological mother.


  • Adoption. This is  a legal process where a person takes on the parenting of a child from its biological parent and the child becomes his/hers legally.This terminates the parental rights of the birth parent and transfers all rights regarding the child, to the adopting parents. To facilitate this it is better to engage the services of an adoption lawyer as the relevant laws differ from place to place. Identifying an adoptee may be done through an adoption agency or an orphanage. It involves a lot of paperwork and usually, the adopter (prospective parents) do not interact with the adoptee’s parents.

Ama eventually registered with an adoption agency and gave birth to a healthy, bouncing baby boy. When her son was eight month’s old, the Agency reached out to inform her that suitable parents had been found for her son. Though reluctant to part with her son, she saw it as the most viable option for his care and upbringing. Mr.and Mrs. Bolaji Badmus, gained a son and were glad to shower him with parental love. A win/win situation, or was it?



13 thoughts on “ADOPTION – AN OPTION?

  1. Adoption by a stable God-fearing couple is a win-win. We were all adopted into the family of God through Christ. I have seen adoptive parents at close quarters and would recommend it without any reservation, in circumstances such as these.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The problem of infertility is real and multiplying due to the careless Lifestyle of multiple sexual partners, sexual freedom of the age… Many STD infections not properly treated leads to this. Adoption is an option; but not a readily available options due to the lack of development of these systems in Nigeria. That is the only challenge. How do you get babies to adopt?

    The vacuum of this has left dubious people to start baby factories for money. Kidnapping of infants is also rampant.
    We need the Government to standardize this area and make it easy for people to choose this option

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your reply on “Adoption – an option is well read. There are however many reasons for infertility not only careless lifesytle, yes this is one of the reasons because like you said untreated or not properly treated STD can lead to this but not the only reason. Your statement made it look as if this is the only reason for infertilities. Totally agreed with your Nigerian factor/s on adoption as an option. And l can say that the topic is ofcourse very pertinent in our society at a time like this. God help us in the training of our children


  3. This is a delicate subject matter and as we are still a conservative Nation we prefer fruits of our own womb rather than adopting. In cases of legal adoption, we need to structure that area so as to ensure a smooth process for both parties following the laws laid down that jurisdiction.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Infertility is really rampart this days, am of the opinion that Govt/ NGO should look into the cause .
    Adoption is a good choice but it also has it’s own issue, you might be on the waiting list for a very long time and it might also be disturbing.


  5. Adoption is optional for her the girl at the moment but I know she will ever regret the action as things get better and as she ages esp if she marries and cant have a child .My thought


  6. Years ago, I would have said yes,yes a big YES, however the years have taught me , everything is not black or white, there are some really grey areas. I have seen some great kids that were adopted and I have seen some that were major regrets so I can only say Pray for God’s guidance and believe that your good intentions are rewarded. No one can really predict the outcome. Adoption is a great alternative taken with the mind that you will love the child regardless of the origins of the child and regardless of your changing circumstance, many neglect their adopted kids once they are able to have biological children, this to me is SIN. Anyone that does this should be jailed.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I agree adoption is the most reasonable option in such a complicated situation as Ama’s. Early marriage and single parenting are clearly out of the question as they offer no clear paths to a sustainable future for both the orphaned Ama and her widowed aunt.

    One can only hope Mr. & Mrs. Badmus will do a good job of raising the child – anyway there’s no guarantee Ama herself or her aunt in their present circumstances will do a better job, as maternal love in the face of poverty guarantees nothing.

    Nigeria has a structured adoption process that needs fine tuning. Governmental agencies offering maternal care and advice should include adoption in their curriculum. Childless couples and pregnant teenagers need enlightenment to take advantage of this option. Though we Africans have this cultural belief that the seeds of our wombs/loins are part of the legacy we leave behind, things are starting to change. I know a few couples who went for adoption after several years of miscarriages and failed IVFs and are happier for it.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Adoption is an option in this scenario. The father of the child is not known or largely difficult to trace. The sexually forced culprit is a young girl of school age with no or little experience. The economic wherewithal is far fetched. The emotional distraught is unequalled. I agree hitherto that the lady should offer the baby for adoption as she has alluded to. The baby gets grown under a well laid out environment while the mother focuses on her education . The universe will brings further developments into existence. One step at a time.


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