Sumi is the newest kid on the block having recently migrated to the United States of America. At fifteen, he prides himself on his soccer skills and as is usual for his age bracket, he loves to show off. While relaying his recent shot which resulted in a goal, he points at his teammate Ted and jibes, “he goofed. He undermined the power in my shot.” Ted responded angrily saying” Watch your words foul mouth. I am they or them, not he.” Sumi continued:” You don’t even know your pronouns. I knew before I was even six that males are he and females she. They and them are used for plurals (multiplicity of people).” Sumi had just uttered the “straw that broke the camel’s back” and Ted lunged out at Sumi commencing the onset of a brawl that ended up at the principal’s office. Upon investigation, what had angered Ted was the reference to him as “he.” Sumi was asked to apologise and got off with a stern warning only because he had just relocated from an environment that was alien to LGBTQ+. He is only conversant with the binary genders – male and female.

When he returns to class his friend – Clive- pulls him aside and gives him a brief rundown of gender identity versus biological sex and how it results in gender dysphoria.

“So, this is how it plays out,” Clive started. “We all know that the primary genders relate to certain physical attributes that define one as a male or female (the binary genders). However, certain persons have a different gender identity from their biological/birth identity. So, a person who exhibits the genitals and hormones that are male may adopt the gender identity of a female and prefers to be referred to as she and to dress up and live as she or may even fluctuate between being addressed as he and she, depending on how they feel at any particular time. In recent times, there are different non-binary genders consisting of different configurations and it is an ever-growing list. Non-binary persons tend to use the term they or them because they feel the conventional pronouns of, he/she do not suit their gender identity which is different from their birth identity. You need to try to understand the various gender identities, sexual orientations, and modes of address so as not to rile them up the wrong way. If you are unsure of the gender identity, it is safer to use the person’s name when referring to them. The key other identities outside of the binary identities are:

Lesbian – A woman who only partners or is attracted to other women. Their Sexual orientation is different.

Gay – Men who are attracted to men only.

Bisexual – Persons attracted to both men and women.

Transgender (Trans) – One who identifies as a gender different from his birth-assigned (biological) gender. They may or may not seek to change it through medical interventions.

Queer/Questioning – Yet to decide their gender.

Intersex (hermaphrodites) – born with both male and female reproductive organs.”

When Sumi got home, he related his day’s experience to his mum who in turn shared it with her friend and compatriot Bibi -who had since become an American citizen. Bibi then cautioned that this is part of the culture shock most immigrants face, but it is important to keep your values deeply entrenched in your children while recognising the existence of different gender identities. This can be done by constantly counseling, praying for, and with them as well as teaching them the word from the holy book.

For Christians, The Bible states that God created them, Male and Female. Also, Noah was instructed to take two of all creatures (male and female) into the Ark, for preservation. It is however important to monitor the young ones as well as the type of programs they are exposed to in order to bring them up according to your family/religion/home country’s value system. Let us seize the best of both worlds for our children.

A word of caution from Havilah – Parents must be conscious of the possible consequences of sending their children abroad with inadequate supervision. These consequences may include them imbibing strange identities, cultures, ideologies and behavioural patterns. Importantly though, parents have a duty to always pray regarding them.

Love

Havilah