The adage that “a mother’s job is never done” is so true. From sorting out the household to mentoring and praying for the children and after them, the grandchildren – both biological and non-biological. Mothers’ prayers cover educational and career-related success, good health, protection, deliverance, childbirth and many more and she continues praying until she is called to the grave.

Three mothers were visiting their children at a Rehabilitation centre run by a religious body when they observed a woman sobbing uncontrollably as her daughter walked away from her back to her room. Attempts to comfort her fell on deaf ears as she kept repeating the question “Where did I go wrong?” The three women then shepherded her to one of the meeting rooms and engaged in the following heart-to-heart discussion.

Pauline, a sophisticated, super Executive in a Multinational corporation, kickstarted the conversation with her story. “My 16-year-old son is also here. I am a divorcee with an amazing job in terms of compensation and exposure. Over the years, I felt a compulsion to prove to my ex-husband that he was dispensable and that Dedan (my son) and I, were better off without him. I worked hard and excelled in my career but…it was all at a cost. I had little time for Dedan, but he had the very best of what money could buy. As an only child, I spoilt him rotten. Anything he desired he got, but little did I know that he had latched on to a habit of doing drugs and that the lavish lifestyle helped him fund the habit. I did not notice the changes in his personality because I was ever so busy and hardly spent time with him. One day, I was at a meeting when I received an urgent call from my steward at home who noticed that Dedan had passed out in the living room. He was rushed to the hospital where I received a rude shock – he had overdosed on substance abuse (hard drugs). I was not only shocked but also disappointed. I blamed myself. The thoughts that raced through my mind were – I am a bad mother; if only I had spent more time with him, he would not have done drugs. The hospital recommended this rehabilitation center and I have since learnt that while my seeming neglect may have contributed, there were other extenuating factors like the availability and easy accessibility of the drugs as well as peer pressure.”

Mama Hauwa then interjected. “In my case, I have remained a stay-at-home parent since marriage and monitor all my children to ensure they do not go wrong. This has earned me the nickname “monitoring spirit.” In fact, I am the proverbial mother hen ever protective of the children and keeping a strict watch over them. Little did I know that my daughter – Hauwa had successfully hidden her drinking habit from me until two years into her marriage, her husband sent her packing for being an “addicted alcoholic.” Just imagine the shame! Imagine that Pauline spent little or no time while I spent all the time. How do you explain it?”

At this point, Mama Curtis cuts in, shaking her head slowly she states philosophically “While moderation in everything is profitable, we must reckon with the God factor in raising our children. They are his children, and we are mere earthly guardians who have been gifted with them to raise and mentor. We need to seek his help in raising them to be what he desires them to be. On my part, I was a stay-at-home mom until my youngest, Tseye, turned ten. Thereafter, I resumed work, and all was well until Tseye while representing his high school at a sports meet, got injured playing football. The pain from the injury was excruciating and a certain drug was prescribed to ease the pain. Little did we realise it was an opioid with addictive qualities. Before we knew it, Tseye became addicted to the drug which brought about behavioral changes and attempts to stop its use resulted in severe withdrawal symptoms. I understand the pharmaceutical company responsible faced serious lawsuits in the USA and has since filed for bankruptcy. We are however, left to deal with the consequences. I have therefore reached the conclusion that there is no manual for raising children. As mothers in whatever position, we find ourselves let us do our best for them but most importantly, we must cover them with our prayers for them to be successful in life. We must also teach them the way of the Lord so that they can do the same for their children. In fact, our prayers should commence even before they are conceived, asking God to make them trainable and obedient children.”

After listening to the words of wisdom from all three women, the distressed mother brightened up and exchanged phone numbers with all three of them with a promise to stay connected.

Love

Havilah