Three empty nesters were meeting in the home of the Wilsons for a potluck dinner and just after setting all the dishes in place, Erioluwa Wilson absent-mindedly called out for “Bembem” the younger of her two daughters, who left home a couple of weeks before to serve the National Youth Service Corps. Lanre (her husband) responded with a chuckle “Eri dear, none of the girls is home and you better get used to it as she will be joining her sister in the United Kingdom after the NYSC program, for her masters. It is just me and you. Maybe I can help you fetch what you want”, he added with a pat on her back. Erioluwa heaved a deep sigh and wondered if, she would ever get used to not correcting, discussing, admonishing, and generally disagreeing with the girls, especially Bembem whose characteristics could loosen the tongue of a person with speech impairment. She appreciated Lanre for offering and sent him off to retrieve the chilled juices from the fridge.

As soon as Haroun and Hafsat were admitted into the house, Haroun took a sweeping look around the dining room and in his baritone voice, enquired “Where is my favorite person – Bembem? I expected her to get the door as usual”. In response, Eri explained that she had commenced the NYSC and was sorely missed at home. She continued, “I miss her so much, in fact, you just missed a scene in which I was yelling for her assistance. Thank God for Lanre stepping in to assist. First, it was Moremi and now Bembem, this empty nest syndrome will take some getting used to o. Luckily, there are mobile phones and internet technology to bridge the gap, but I still feel their physical absence”.

Hafsat quickly cut in…” Not to worry, you will fill in the gaps over time. I certainly am enjoying the privilege of having Haroun’s undivided attention these days and spending quality time with each other. Well. In our case, I guess it was easier to adjust because, during our marriage counseling, we were advised to start to prepare for the empty nest immediately after we had the first child. The counselor said that in like manner as we prepare for retirement immediately after we get the first job, we should realise that the first child and any subsequent ones will need their independence and certainly leave home one day.  So, immediately after Mahmoud was born, we continued with our couple outings and vacations, allowing Mahmoud and later, his siblings to spend sleepovers and vacations with family members. Of course, we also had family vacations and outings that included them, but we (Haroun and I) continued to bond in our own special space”.

“That is not to say we don’t miss them, but it made it easier for us to let go of the leash. At this point, what they need are our prayers and support, where available”, Haroun added.

As if on cue, Angel and Fred walked in with the words, “My o my, Eri how are you coping with Bembem’s absence? It can’t be easy, but trust me, you will overcome the seeming desolation”. Angel continued, “For us, we gradually eased into it. You will recall that Patrick and Yvonne were sent to a Secondary Boarding school and since their ages are close, the house was empty during the school term. This continued with their university experience as both went to school very far away from home. By the time they were back home for the NYSC, it was strange seeing them around so often, so it came as no surprise that they opted to rent accommodation immediately after they gained employment. I must admit that the boarding school phase was the most difficult for us as we had hitherto arranged our lives around them…school drops off, food, engagement, pickups, etc. Let me say Ert and Lanre, WELCOME TO OUR WORLD! Luckily, it is our responsibility to pick up Yvonne’s daughter, Merill from school and have her company until her mum picks her up after work.

Eri, looked at the faces of all her friends one after the other and acknowledged their encouragement. Yes, the words made her feel better but she knew, she would still have to go through the “pain” associated with her beloved Bembem being away. Funnily, when Tola, Bembem’s older sister left home, she hadn’t felt it as much maybe because she still had Bembem. She shrugged her shoulders and promised to deal with it in her own way because she knew, it was inevitable. Every parent’s prayer is to raise independent and successful children and independent children must at some stage, leave the nest.

Love

Havilah