It is my pleasure to be a guest writer on this inspiring blog Havilla. Let me confess that I’ve been an avid reader right from inception and have gained tremendously from the rich lessons shared in the different episodes. It is indeed therefore a bit of a coincidence that I’m debuting on a topic not too different from where our dear Havilla stopped to take a much-needed break, Celebration of Women.

               I will be discussing the above title from a masculine perspective of the “Woman Wrapper”. This term is used to describe a man under the undue or negative influence of the woman around him, or someone who can easily be swayed by a woman; a mummy’s boy, or perhaps a lily-livered man who does not possess his own mind. In most cases, it is not complimentary. It suggests a boy/man who is tied to the apron strings of his mother/wife.

               However, experience has shown that nature is a good balancer. Most men are usually influenced by women in their lives: mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters.

Ronke is an only girl child among her four brothers. Their daddy was a strict person, and a mere look in the direction of the children was enough for them to swallow any request for favour from their daddy. As they grew, the boys noticed while they didn’t have the courage to ask for things from their father, Ronke could literally get anything by just asking from their daddy, and she was hardly ever refused. Therefore the boys devised a means of being nice to their sister who would be the one to place their requests before their father. The boys therefore discovered the key to getting their requests from their father was Ronke, their sister.

               In a similar situation, Ohita the first born and only female of five children is seen as the “second mummy” in the house in terms of influence. The younger brothers often if not always, seek her help whenever they need fovour from their father, especially if they need to attend parties. Experience has taught them that Ohita, their sister is the key to opening the door of possibility from their father, otherwise his response will likely be negative.

               Mothers are also very important and wield a lot of influence over their sons. In the Bible, we are told of the story of the first miracle performed by Jesus which was inspired by the mother. The story goes that during a wedding event, the hosts were running out of wine. I think experience had taught them that it was easier to reach Jesus whose help they sought, through his mother, Mary, than directly going to him. That was what they did, and the desired result was achieved as Jesus obliged his mother, and consequently, the request of the wedding hosts.

               Several examples abound of men who get approached indirectly through their mothers because of the influence people know these mothers wield over their powerful sons. Just look around, we have political and business titans and people have devised means of getting to them through their mothers.

               A complex interpersonal relationship involving a mother, her daughter and a powerful man can be found in the Bible story when a powerful King Herod sought to reward his stepdaughter for her dancing prowess and asked her to make any demand. The young girl ran to her mother for advice, and the latter responded that she should demand for the head of John the Baptist! The King was helpless as he could not change his word.

               However, it is not always that the influence of women on a man is negative. Let’s look at the situation of one of the most powerful men in recent world history, Barack Obama. He was raised by his mother after his father left them. The greatest influence on Obama was not even his mother but his maternal grandmother.  This was evidenced by the spectacle of Barack Obama in tears at the climax of his presidential campaign when it dawned on him that his influential maternal grandmother would not be alive to witness his swearing-in as President of the USA, which would have been a fitting reward for raising a remarkable man.

               Fast forward, Obama got married to an equally remarkable lady, Michelle Robinson, and both are blessed with two lovely daughters, Malia and Sasha. This is one great world leader whose source of immediate strength has been women, and there is not a speck of controversy in his conduct during and after his presidency, quite unlike many of his peers.

                One may therefore conclude this piece by saying it might actually be a good thing to be a “Woman Wrapper” particularly where the female influencer elicits positive energy from the man. Men tied with such wrappers, will not fall.

ID

All my love,

On behalf of

Havila

Havila wishes to appreciate ID who has not only been an avid reader of my blog but has often contributed his views, comments, and writing expertise in refining and shaping the course of my writing. I suddenly realized I needed some time away from the blog and would have “escaped for about a month, but ID volunteered to step in. For his intervention, I am indeed grateful, and I hope more of my readers will be willing to share their talents in this space as led to do so.

Two Sundays ago, I was seated next to Sally in church when the children from Sunday school/children’s church approached their parents in the congregation to hand over their Mothering Sunday gifts. As Gwen approached her mum with a wide smile and a hug, she handed over a beautifully painted card and whispered “Happy Mother’s Day mom.” Gwen responded with a smile and gently corrected…”Mothering Sunday, love.”

After the church service, at the car park, one of the children – Meme was asking his mum, “mummy, how come there are 2 Mother’s Day every year and only one Father’s Day?” His mother turned around and smiled with the words “aunty Havilah will address that question”. I gently parried the question with a promise to give a detailed answer the next Sunday. I needed to do some research. So the explanation which is replicated below is culled from fromyoutcome.com – The story behind Mothering Sunday and Mother’s Day.

Mothering Sunday is celebrated on the fourth Sunday in Lent especially across the United Kingdom and Ireland while Mother’s Day occurs on the second Sunday in May and is largely celebrated in the USA as a National day to celebrate mothers.

Mothering Sunday started off around the 16th century in the UK as a time when people returned to their mother church where they were baptised, their local parish or Cathedral. It later metamorphosed into a date when servants could meet with their mothers and family and get together, often picking flowers on their way to church to present as gifts to their mothers. This religious tradition evolved into the Mothering Sunday secular tradition of gifting mothers on the fourth Sunday in Lent.

In the early 20th century, Anna Jarvis held a memorial to honoured her own mother in her church in West Virginia, USA. This event marked the first official observance of Mother’s Day. In 1914, the President of the USA made a proclamation making the second Sunday of May as the official date of a national day to celebrate mothers.

Inspired by Anna Jarvis’ efforts, Constance Penswick-Smith created the Mothering Sunday Movement in the UK and started a renewal of the Mothering Sunday. That day became celebrated both as Mother’s Day and Mothering Sunday in the UK and Ireland. Both celebrations have therefore become mixed up and many people think they are the same thing. Most other countries outside of the UK and Ireland, celebrate Mother’s Day rather than Mothering Sunday.

Havilah hopes that this expose into the origins of the two days will give us all a better understanding. Nevertheless, whether it is Mothering Sunday or Mother’s Day, mothers deserve to be appreciated and celebrated everyday for the pivotal role they play in families. A toast to mothers!
Love

Havilah

Sessi sat all alone in the darkness of her bedroom oblivious of everything around her. She was deeply concerned about her mother’s health. Mama had shocked them all with her resilience after her father passed on some ten years before. They had been worried about Papa’s passing because the two of them were like conjoined twins…inseparable. Now, however, her state of health was worrisome, and although she had adequate funds in her account for medical treatment, the funds could not be accessed. Mama was mentally incapacitated as she could not even remember her signature and was unable to physically visit her bank. Sessi on her part had just expended huge sums in acquiring a property which had drained her finances while her younger brother Hotonu was just settling down having recently relocated with his family. Between them, they could not afford the medical bill for Mama. As she pondered the way forward, she remembered how several years ago, she had come home bustling with vigor and ideas from a seminar she had attended on – preparing for old age.

She had shared the information learned with enthusiasm but the response across the room from her parents and only sibling had been deafening silence. Later. Hotonu had castigated her for what he termed “Insensitivity.” “Come on sis, who in the world discusses preparing for death?” he had asked. The seminar had identified Health Insurance as a necessity for the aging and aged as statistics had shown that medical bills constitute a large spend for the aged. It also discussed the need to have a co-signatory to bank accounts to smooth hiccups from irregular signatures and a situation where the original owner of the account may not easily access his/her funds as a result of disability or even death.

As she reminisced, she recalled the example of a lady whose father had died simply because they could not rapidly access the funds in his account because of disability. On the other hand, someone had mentioned that his father had requested that he be buried within a week of passing and one of the children had since been made a cosignatory, making accessibility to funds seamless. It was therefore easy at the father’s passing to access funds needed for his burial. The issue of wills, trusts, and deeds of gifts were also discussed regarding the devolution of properties to beneficiaries of a deceased person.

Sessi dragged herself back from her thoughts to the reality on the ground. What would she do about Mama’s situation? She could not just fold her arms and watch. What was most painful was the fact that the funds for treatment were available in Mama’s account but could not be accessed. If for that reason Mama could not be treated and passes on, she doubted that she could live with that on her conscience. She purposed to make a case at the bank and an appeal to enable access to the funds for her treatment. If only Mama had made her a co-signatory when her health started failing, it would have been a different story now. Was it an issue of mistrust, ignorance, or just a refusal to accept the obvious? Whatever the reason, she knew better now and purposed to harness her training and exposure to prepare herself for aging and, ultimately death.

The recalcitrance towards discussing death and considering it a taboo will need to change. Quite often within the African setting, people consider discussing issues relating to death or preparing for death as a taboo. However, as Shakespeare put it in his epic book Julius Caesar, – “It seems to me most strange that men should fear, seeing death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.” Truth be told, preparing for old age and/or death, only eases the flow both for the aging and their caregivers/children. May the Lord grant us the wisdom to do the right things at the right times and expose us to relevant information for our circumstances.

Love

Havilah

Dunni, was a mid-level manager with a multinational company up until the Company decided to shut down its operations in her country of residence. With the looming recession, she knew it would be an uphill task to get a similar job. Both the microeconomy and macroeconomy were in dire straits and she was in confusion as to what to do. She had three children in secondary school and her husband’s engineering firm had taken a severe battering from the battered economy. Her parents had since passed, and she had a lot of dependants in the person of her siblings. Today, she celebrates ten years of running a successful clothing line. She casts her mind back to how it all started as she addresses her audience, gathered to celebrate with her. She is in visibly high spirits as she starts:

“During the recession, having lost my job, rather than wallow in self-pity, my brain did a reset and I remember thinking along the following lines:

1. The children would need to become day students to reduce the school fees.
2. I would need to resume driving myself and relieve myself of the cost of maintaining a driver.
3. I must earnestly seek God’s face regarding what I could do, and the answer stared me right in the face – I had always had a passion for designing clothes.”

Dunni had always stood out in her designs which she gave to her favorite tailor who was meticulous and paid attention to her every detail. Her friends had always envied her elegant style which was always in tandem with the occasion. From her secondary school days, she had always designed her clothes and would sketch every detail of the style she intended to sew. Her designs were brilliant as they considered body shape, colour of fabric, design, and texture of fabric as well as the occasion for which the outfit was intended. She had brought all these parameters to bear in her brand which was highly personalised and further considered the personality and skin colour of the individuals in addition.

She had started the business by selling her service to her circle of influence who had always admired the way she was attired. These were mostly colleagues and friends in her church, societies, professional circle, etc. The more she satisfied her customers, the wider her reputation grew until she not only sustained her family but was able to set up a fashion institute for training young people.

As she rounded up her story, she advised the young persons in her audience ” Never give up on yourself. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. A recession or depression is an opportunity to unleash the tiger in you and boldly follow your passion. Undoubtedly, there will be challenges faced as you embark on a start-up, but if you keep at it relentlessly, putting in ingenuity and effort, your efforts will be rewarded. If at first you do not succeed, try, try, try again”. She further encouraged the youth “to embark on multiple streams of income and not wait till they were boxed into a corner by the loss of a job or a depressed economy. Start a side hustle preferably related to a passion or talent and commit it to God’s hands for growth.”

Havilah opines that in times like this when there is global inflation and financial crisis, it is important to think outside the box for solutions to economic and financial challenges. While committing our plans into God’s hands, introspection into discovering our God-given gifts and talents is important. There is no one without a gift from God. Let us discover/uncover our gifts and use them.

Love

Havilah