This is a topic that always draws divergent views from people, depending on who one is speaking with. Man is a social being, and therefore his/her conduct is bound to be viewed from divergent angles. Being complex, several organisations have had to draw up guidelines on interactions between members. For the purpose of this article, we are examining relationships between males and females in a work environment, which naturally can be controversial.

Take Lara and Emeka, both working in different departments of a top insurance company in the city. As a consequence of work related interactions they developed a relationship.One thing led to another and they started dating. Both Emeka and Lara were A-listers in their different departments, and the Human Resources Director had to call both in for a discussion having noticed their level of intimacy. “Emeka, it is no longer news that there seems to be a level of fondness between you and Lara. But as you both know, the office frowns at office romance because of the often ugly consequences which may impact negatively on general discipline. You may wish to consider the option of either of you resigning or being seconded to a sister organisation especially if you intend to have a closer relationship. Please take your time and let us know as quickly as possible.” After conferring with one another Emeka and Lara opted for the transfer of Lara to a sister company, got married and are blessed with two children.

The public sector on the other hand, does not interfere in the personal relationship between members of staff provided such relationship would not negatively impact staff discipline. This culture extends to the military and paramilitary services. There are however rules and regulations on conduct and what could be termed as misconduct. Acts of misconduct will always attract consequences. While the public service does not discourage interpersonal relationships, it frowns against sexual harassment of any form.

Tunde, a controller in a government agency in Kano, married with three children, was living alone as his family remained in Ibadan. He therefore regularly visited Ibadan in order to be with members of his family. He soon met Atinuke, a single lady senior executive in the same agency who was newly transferred from Lagos to Kano. Both met at the motor park one day and from their discussions realised a mutual challenge – loneliness. That was the onset of a romance that caused tongues to wag at the office. Since office romance was not considered misconduct, people minded their business. This was not for too long as Tunde’s wife unexpectedly barged into the office one day to lodge a complaint regarding a rumour that had filtered to her ears about the affair between her husband, Tunde and his colleague. It took some administrative expertise to douse the tension, and the Zonal Director helped to obtain transfer for Tunde to Ibadan, so as to be close to his family.   

In the case of Tamuno, a manager in the state ministry of agriculture who had recently lost his wife Abby in a fatal auto accident, he had to rely on his niece to help out with his two children. Tam, was good – looking and a dream husband for many ladies, but he was very careful to keep away from office romance.

Sotonye, a family friend and a close associate of Tamuno felt concerned for her family friend. “Tam, are you not considering settling down again? You can’t mourn forever.” “I know I won’t mourn forever, but it is not easy to socialise, especially having been away from the turf for some time” replied Tamuno.

“Have you ever considered dating someone, even in the office? There are quite a number of nice ladies from whom you can find a good companion and eventually a life partner” continued Sotonye. “It has never crossed my mind, and anyway, I’ll be the last to get involved in a scandal of sexual harassment. That will kill me”, Tam responded. “Of course, if it is mutually agreeable, there can’t be a case of sexual harassment, Tam” Sotonye replied. “There’s great difficulty in determining if a woman is interested in a relationship. A wrong move, and a man can be accused of sexual harassment” Tam replied haltingly. “You may be correct there Tam, but I’m a woman and I work in the HR Department. I know quite a few who give you the ‘come get me’ sign. If you look well, you’ll notice. However, it would be unprofessional for me to tell you that a specific person could be interested in you,” Sotonye encouraged.

So, this is the dilemma in office relationships. The scenarios and dynamics are as varied as the personalities and environment. Some end in bliss while others end in heartaches. Who makes the first move doesn’t necessarily determine who is more interested.

It would be nice to hear comments from our readers, what are your thoughts?

Love, ID.

On behalf of Havila