Month: July 2024

LESSONS FROM A GAME OF HOPSCOTCH

/ Motunde Dada / Leave a comment

I watched with nostalgia as two eight-year-olds in my apartment complex excitedly hopped around to gain points while playing hopscotch in an unused portion of the car lot. As they concluded the game, I heard Risi say to Pelumi…” Why are you sulking my dear friend, do not be a sore loser, it is only a game. Ok, let us do it again, I am sure you will win this time. After all, it was a narrow miss for you. Cheer up and let me buy you your favorite lollipop.” I watched both girls move away with interlocked arms and thought…what a gracious winner young Risi was. Their little game of hopscotch opened my mind to the numerous learning potential from most “childhood“ games, both indoor and outdoor.

Did I hear you say, what is there to learn from hopscotch? Wikipedia describes that game as ”a playground game in which players toss a small object into a pattern of numbered triangles or rectangles on the ground and hop or jump through the spaces to retrieve the object?” This cognitive workout not only serves as physical exercise but also teaches balance and helps with thinking and reasoning out the object retrieval process, without stepping amiss.

Games are indeed a very integral part of learning and forging relationships through play. It is therefore important that the family engage its component members in games, as a tool for bonding and further encourage the children to relate with other children in play to build confidence and network. In times past, much of such play was physical but with the digital revolution, several such games have been replicated electronically with the option to invite friends. Every game targets skills to be learnt and I will comment on a handful here for insight.

  1. Chess teaches strategy, patience, and problem-solving and assists memory.
  2. Ludo develops counting, and observation while Snakes and Ladders have the added advantage of exposing the child to the fact that life has its challenges that cannot be avoided. Successes and failures are learnt.
  3.  Scrabble, Sudoku, and Picture puzzles all develop critical thinking skills with crossword and Scrabble increasing vocabulary and spelling while Sudoku helps with numerate skills. Puzzles generally help with analytical skills as children learn to put pieces together to arrive at the larger picture. They engender painstakingness and an eye for detail.
  4. Monopoly helps develop business acumen and an aptitude for investment.
  5. Musical Chairs teach quick reaction time and focus whereby, participants are not distracted by the music.
  6. What is the time Mr. Wolf teaches the child to learn about time and timekeeping.
  7. Most ball games e.g. soccer, football, basketball, cricket, etc.,  apart from helping with fitness teach both control and teamwork.
  8. Garden Swings and Slides teach children gravity, weight, texture, and patience as they wait to take turns and that there is joy in sharing. They also learn to achieve greater heights through collaboration as a gentle push from behind the swing usually results in achieving greater heights.

It is important to identify the lessons to be learnt from any game we participate in as games engender a healthy competitive spirit and competition is an inevitable part of life. It teaches children to be gallant losers and gracious winners as they participate in various games.

With the recent emphasis on STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) learning concepts, Robotics has become popular for children and there exist games and applications available to foster Robotics e.g. coding games for programming robots. Children should therefore be encouraged to learn through play, both to engender relationship skills as well as to deepen their personal development.

Love

Havilah

JEKYLL AND HYDE SYNDROME

/ Motunde Dada / 2 Comments

These are times when people’s mental health comes under stress as a result of prevailing socio-economic conditions all around the globe and women in particular, must learn to guard their mental state jealously. Depression is gaining ground, and we must be conscious and deliberate about maintaining a balance.

I accompanied an acquaintance to a mental institution recently, for her outpatient appointment, in treating her bipolar disorder. While in the waiting room, she introduced me to two other ladies with similar conditions…psychosis and depression. They were both willing to share the circumstances that precipitated their conditions.

Dabira, a sophisticated, widowed, upwardly mobile mother of three, was the first to take the plunge. “Havilah,” she started. “I was living a beautiful life with my late husband, oblivious that I was walking on a precipice until about five years ago when he became suddenly ill and died shortly after that. It was on his sick bed he confided in me about his HIV status which had been positive for over five years at the time. Little did I know that he had been on retroviral drugs although he had insisted on protected sex after the birth of Diran, our third child. His excuse had always been that we could not afford any “accidental pregnancy.” You can only imagine my shock! Bolade became so ill he could not keep a job and I almost ran mental raising the necessary funds for his treatment and medication for complications arising from his HIV status. I took on two jobs and sold practically everything we had while caring for three young children between the ages of five and seven. Despite everything, he still passed, and I had to pick up the pieces practically from zero. It was tough but God has seen me through. However, I sacrificed my mental state because of the trauma and stress I experienced. Initially, I could not keep down any jobs because of my severe mood swings but I have however been able to keep things under control with medication and counseling sessions. I had felt betrayed, but I had to salvage the situation by giving him the required support at the time. Anyway, I have put it all behind me and looking up to God, the author and finisher of my faith. Two of the children are now in Secondary school and the family is doing great.”

For Tarenabo, also a widow, she had narrowly missed being jailed for the death of her husband. Tare had been in an abusive marriage where she was brutally and physically abused regularly. One night, during such a session, she had summoned the strength to push her husband away and unfortunately, he careened head-first into the sliding doors of their living room. He had a cut on his forehead, but she decided to flee for her life, she hurriedly unlocked the door to the flat, ran barefoot, and took refuge at her friend’s house about five hundred metres away. By the time she returned home in the morning in the company of her friend and her husband, they found her husband’s body splayed on the floor by the broken glass. They rushed him to the hospital, but he gave up the ghost shortly after arriving at the hospital. Tarenabo was disconcerted and distraught as his death remained on her conscience, but her situation was only worsened by the reaction of her in-laws to the news of her husband’s death. They blamed her and sued her for murder with the hope that she would be jailed. Luckily, her plea of Self-defence was accepted by the court, and she was discharged and acquitted but she had to live with both the guilt that he died because of her reaction and the stigma thereto attached. At the time of the incident, she was four months pregnant. She constantly worried about what she would say to her son when he was old enough to inquire about his father.

Undoubtedly, the circumstances that traumatise and strain the mind thus putting a strain on our mental health are as varied and diverse as our faces, but one fact stands out, we must learn to guard our mental health jealously and decompress periodically, turning all our burdens over to God. We must enjoy healthy living and learn to take life less seriously. May the Lord give us the wisdom required in managing this delicate balance. Amen.

Love

Havilah

THE TAMPON

/ Motunde Dada / 2 Comments

Chioma, a Grade 9 (Junior Secondary school 3) student, sauntered home with a distressed look. As she opened the kitchen door she came face to face with Grandma (who she fondly called “Gma”) and her distressed look was replaced by a wide grin, because Gma is her favorite person. Better still was the tantalizing aroma of her favorite meal- spaghetti and meatballs (Gma’s favourite recipe). Gma came in that morning for a weekend getaway with her daughter and grandchildren. Gma was very observant and never missed anything, so she had sensed her granddaughter’s mood, despite the grin. “Chichi darling, you must be mulling over something in that imaginative mind of years…Gma is here to share.” “Nothing Gma, not to worry” Chioma promptly replied but at Gma’s insistence, she spilled the beans.

“Gma, I took one of mummy’s tampons to school today so that Dedun (my friend) can show me how it is used. You know, mummy uses it, but I get to use only the sanitary pads/towels, so I mentioned it to Dedun who uses tampons, and she agreed to show me how they are used. While discussing its use in the washroom, the “Amebo” (gossip) of the class -Pero, came into the washroom. As expected, she reported us to our class teacher – Mrs. Anyanwu, who invited us to the staff room and after a stern lecture on the ills of the tampon, she requested that we write the sentence “Tampons are bad for girls, and I will never use them” a 100 times.”

Gma in a soothing voice, prompted Chioma to finish her meal, then asked “Does your mum know you took her tampon?” Chioma responded  “No Gma. I was simply curious because anytime I asked if I could use it, she would say…”Not yet.” Gma interrupted Chioma and asked “so do you realise it was wrong to take your mum’s possession without her consent…what does that amount to? That was wrong of you.” Chioma admitted that her action was wrong but was curious to know whether Mrs. Anyanwu was correct in her assessment of tampons.

Mrs. Anyaku has given the following reasons why tampons should not be used:

  1. It destroys a lady’s virginity by breaking the hymen.
  2. It can get lost within the body.
  3. You cannot sleep with it in you as it becomes toxic.
  4. It is not meant for minors. You must be an adult before you can use it.
  5. It is the main cause of TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome) which can lead to death.
  6. It increases the risk of endometriosis – a gynecological disorder.
  7. It will be inconvenient as in order to urinate, it must be removed and reinserted.

Gma laughed and responded “What your teacher enumerated are common myths regarding tampons, but they are false. The tampon does not interfere with the urinary tract as it is inserted into the vagina. Similarly, the tampon cannot travel beyond the vagina although in exceedingly rare circumstances, it may require the assistance of medical personnel where the tampon is very deep in the vaginal tract. That said and done, what is a tampon? Tampons, like sanitary pads/towels, are disposable feminine hygiene products used during menstruation. Its use is a little more complex than the straightforward pad, which is placed on the underwear as it must be properly inserted into the vagina sometimes with the help of an applicator. Because it is inserted, it is not visible through clothing and can safely be used by sportswomen and swimmers. For reasons of hygiene, they must be changed within intervals of four to eight hours. Now that you know more about the tampon, I think you should wait till you are older, to use  a tampon as its use is more complicated. What better teacher than your mum…she will teach you when she figures the time is right.”

Chioma brightened up and asked Gma for a second helping of her favourite spaghetti dish.

Love

Havilah

THE ABORTION RIGHTS PROTEST

/ Motunde Dada / 1 Comment

I was visiting one of the cities in Europe a while back and was watching a women’s protest on abortion rights. Curiosity got the better of me and I moved closer to the protesters to get an understanding of their discontent. The country had recently passed a bill, legislating abortion and these group of ladies were protesting the passage of the bill claiming that the required public reading of the bill was bypassed which denied them the opportunity to be heard.

Given the passion with which they pursued their cause, I was moved to interrogate them about their reasons which were largely faith-based, and some were based on negative experience. One particularly intriguing one was the case of the leader – Aminat. Hear her.

“I lost my mother a few days after she birthed me, she was my father’s second wife, and I, her only child. I was left to the devices of my stepmother who would send me off to hawk wares in the nearby settlement. To reach there from where we lived, I had to walk through a deserted footpath. One evening at the age of sixteen, as I returned with the empty tray on my head, I was waylaid by two young boys who overpowered me and took turns in raping me. I had never seen or noticed them before. I thought I would die on that lonely path until I heard the voices of some women nearby. I managed to call out for help, and they cleaned me up and took me home. I recounted everything that had happened to my parents and life simply continued as if nothing had happened. After about three months, I was constantly sick, and it then dawned on my stepmother that I could be pregnant. On the advice of some of her friends, amid abuses and curses, she took me to the city for an  abortion.”

Aminat took a long pause and looked away as her eyes welled up with tears and when her gaze returned, she continued “Ma’am, fortune smiled on me and six years later, I married Hussein – my husband and benefactor, an angel in human form. I told him the story of my life and he accepted me as I was. However, challenges reared their head when I kept having miscarriages until I visited a gynecologist who made it clear to us that the abortion had damaged my womb. We were then forced to pursue an alternative source of having a child. Since we were both fertile, we agreed that we would recruit the services of a surrogate mother to carry the pregnancy to term and so we have a wonderful son today. Using a surrogate robbed me of the joys of experiencing my incubating foetus, the bonding that takes place from the womb as his heart was beating…his feeding habits as they could have impacted me, and so much more. That abortion stole that from me – I can never enjoy the total satisfaction of mothering my child. Do you understand? If only I had never had the abortion.”  I nodded in silence as I took in all her pain, and silently returned to my hotel room to ruminate over her story.

If Aminat had not done the abortion, she may have had the stigma and other pains associated with being a rape victim and rearing an unwanted “bastard.” On the other hand, if the abortion had not impaired her womb and she could give birth to other children, would she have felt the same about abortion rights? One is familiar with reasons given by pro-abortionists e.g. Health reasons, the right of the individual to determine what to do with their body, etc. but at the same time, I could understand Aminat’s pain. How many such Aminat’s are out there suffering in silence? Many are less fortunate than she has been. I prayed that Aminat would find peace in her mind and that the world would better understand the expectations of God regarding procreation. May the Lord help us all.

Love

Havilah

QUE SERA, SERA (WHAT WILL BE, WILL BE)

/ Motunde Dada / 2 Comments

It is twenty years since Mama’s passing and Simi is fidgeting with a much-cherished relic…some waist beads, a generational heirloom inherited from Mama. Mama had been an extremely strong woman, a firm yet loving mother who had brought up three flourishing men and Simi her only daughter and last child. Simi was raised in an Upper middle-class setting and had attended choice schools with high levels of international exposure, she even attended a Finishing school in England and was well-positioned for life in the Upper class of society. Left to her doting father, there lay her future.

Mama on the other hand left no stone unturned to expose Simi to the other side of life. Household chores were never restricted to the hordes of stewards, maids, and cooks that milled around the house as she drilled Simi in home keeping techniques to the highest of standards. She would scrub, clean, handwash, and cook, anytime she was back home from Boarding school. While at school, she had no special privileges and learnt to manage the scarce resources Mama made available. In those times Simi thought she had it all figured out…Mama could not have birthed her yet treated her so harshly. One day, she would summon the courage to confront her into disclosing who her true mother was.

Precisely on the occasion of her eighteenth birthday, as if Mama had a prophetic unction, she called Simi into her room, shut the door and prayed for her from the depths of her heart. Thereafter, she sat Simi down and had a heart-to-heart discussion which left an indelible impression on Simi. She could recall every single word that was uttered.

“My dearest Simi, my alter ego. You may not believe it, but you are a better version of me, and I love you to the moon and back” Mama started. A startled Simi responded, “Hmm…but mum, that is hard to believe with all the hard work and austere conditions you made me face amid luxury. What a queer way to show love.”

Mama had smiled and placed Simi’s face in her hands thereby forcing her to look into her eyes. “Simi love, someday you will understand it was all for your good. It is my prayer that you marry into affluence, so you can have an easy life, but…que sera, sera – what will be, will be. What happens if things do not turn out quite as rosy or your family encounters a “wilderness experience” where you are forced to barely survive? I had to hone your coping skills so that you don’t fail in times of adversity.”

That was Mama for you – full of wisdom and importantly, it was a word of prophecy because three years into Simi’s marriage, her husband Bulus lost his business to fraudsters and their fortunes took a deep dive South. Thank God that Mama had prepared her for such a situation which enabled her to weather the storm while trusting God for a change. It had been fifteen years since and God had indeed been faithful, but the experience had made Simi appreciate Mama all the more. This appreciation is further heightened when she considers with sadness, the situation of her childhood friend, Sadia. Simi and Sadia had attended the same schools but unlike Simi, Sadia was spoilt silly. She was waited on hand and foot and never lifted a finger to do anything. She married into affluence but because of her lazy attitude, she was kicked out of the home. That set the stage for depression from which she is yet to recover.

Once again, Simi fingered the ancient heirloom and whispered “Thank you mama” before kissing Mama’s picture.

Havilah believes that our future is in God’s hands, and he alone knows the future. It is however, our responsibility to prepare as best we can for the future, so that we do not fall flat on our faces. Parents owe their children the responsibility of exposing their children to a BALANCED upbringing that can help them navigate in whatever waters (circumstances) they find themselves. We must realise that the answer to what the future holds for each child, lies with God. May the Lord help us in right parenting.

Love

Havilah