While listening to a radio advertisement about Superheroes I suddenly found myself comparing the attributes of superheroes against role models. Both exhibit self-awareness, empathy, humility, professionalism, and integrity but role models are often people who are familiar to you while superheroes are beings of miraculous fancy. Role models impact our lifestyles positively and inspire us to take affirmative action and accountability.

Faridah, an older cousin, told me this story about her daughter Bimpe…an incident that occurred decades ago. Bimpe, a brilliant and gifted child, was on the verge of transitioning to High School (secondary school) and was allowed to apply for a scholarship from a Multinational Corporation. At the qualifying examination, she was required to write an essay about her ROLE MODEL. At the end of the examination, the invigilator/examiner approached Faridah with a smile on her face and outstretched hand, she congratulated Faridah on the performance of Bunmi who had scored the highest in the examination. She also commended Faridah for being an impactful role model to her daughter. A perplexed Faridah enquired after the basis of such deduction and was told that Bimpe had written a wonderful piece, highlighting her mother’s qualities, attributes, and achievements, naming her as her ultimate role model. Faridah was wowed. She felt flattered but also curious to know why she had been chosen and what she had written that could have impressed the invigilator/examiner.

As soon as Bimpe was comfortably seated in the car, Faridah could no longer hide her curiosity and asked her daughter why she chose her as her role model, regardless of the many women and men whose laudable achievements are in the public space.

Bimpe’s response was concise but reassuring. “But Mom, you do so many things invaluable things in your quiet way. You are a silent achiever with sterling qualities that stand you above the crowd. You impact family, society, humanity and everywhere you find yourself. You are selfless and display humility and integrity. I doff my cap to your absolute brilliance. What better role model could there be? Mom, you remain MY role model for all time.” You cannot imagine the sense of fulfillment and pride my cousin felt and still feels anytime she recalls the incident!

As parents, uncles, aunts, mentors, and leaders…let us be intentional about impacting lives positively by the way we live, work, and relate to others. Our children mirror us. What positive values do we exhibit that are worthy of emulation? Let us remember that we all have leadership roles in different spheres of life be it home, work, family, place of worship, society, etc. How are we perceived and how are we impacting lives?

Many years ago, I worked for a renowned Legal Practitioner who exhibited brilliance, bravery, industry, resilience, forthrightness, and perseverance. He was a role model to me, and I imbibed a number of these qualities from him. His leadership style was impactful and influenced several younger lawyers who worked for him. Chief Gani Fawehinmi was a role model in his own right.

Love

Havilah

The US presidential elections are fast approaching and there is so much analysis of the Kamala Harris vs Donald Trump debate where it is largely believed that Kamala trounced Donald. My thoughts were tuned to Kamala Harris and what her victory in the USA elections could portend. She obviously would not be the first woman to hold the reins of power as she has had role models at different times in the likes of Sirimavo Bandaranaike of Ceylon, Indira Gandhi of India, Margaret Thatcher of the United Kingdom, Golda Meir of Israel, Isabel Peron of Argentina and Benazir Bhutto of Pakistan, Angela Merkel of Germany and Ellen Johnson Sirleaf of Liberia, among others.

Over time, women have displayed a capacity to yield influence and power, competing favorably with their male counterparts in leadership positions in industry, nation, organisation, or nuclear cells. They have been able to harness their intuition and subtle persuasion to achieve desired outcomes. Undoubtedly, leadership styles differ but the ultimate is to achieve the desired objectives or goals. One cannot but marvel at the achievements of Queen Amina of Zaria who ruled in the mid-sixteenth century and the performance of Nancy Pelosi, former Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, since 2007 who fearlessly and passionately served her country.

Mention must be made of a few who have headed International Organisations such as the World Trade Organisation’s Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala and the International Monetary Fund’s Christine Lagarde. Recently, Nigeria has experienced a wave in which ten of its top banks are headed by women. This was seemingly impossible a couple of decades ago.

Back to Kamala. If she were to win this election, it would be a first in the history of the United States of America – a country referred to as “the most powerful country of the world” – a feat Hillary Clinton failed to achieve. The question that niggles at me is whether the USA is ready for a female President, particularly one of colour. Will they rise above prejudice this time around? I guess, time will tell as we await the outcome of the electoral process. Nevertheless, it is elating to know that Kamala could win the Democratic ticket, evidence enough that her colleagues have confidence in her leadership ability.

Her win will further serve as an encouragement to all females in all parts of the world that they are as competent and qualified as their male counterparts to aspire to the highest office in their environment.

This piece serves as a toast to all women who have over time achieved leadership positions, in whatever role they find themselves in!

Love

Havilah

A boisterous fifteen-year-old Leila Richards bounced into the kitchen where her mother – Mrs. Richards, was fixing dinner. Leila, an only child of Tanti Richards had lost her father to an undisclosed illness five years ago. Consequently, she had grown close to her mother over the years, and as she offered to help with dishing the food, with unbridled excitement she blurted “Momma, is it wrong to kiss a boy?” Tanti concealed her surprise and replied calmly “ Kissing is a sign of affection but there is no one answer to the question. It depends on the context. Hmm…can we discuss this over dinner?” At the dinner table, Leila teased her mom “Momma I know you are all ears to understand why I asked the question. Anyway, during our lunch break, a couple of our classmates ran into Bello and Samira kissing in the cloakroom and a debate was started as to whether their action was acceptable. The debate further deepened into dating and the acceptable age for sex.”

Mrs. Richards heaved a sigh and replied, “Leila, I know sex education is part of your curriculum at school, but you must align what you are taught at school with God’s word as taught in teens church. Can we have this conversation at the weekend and … by the way, what is your opinion on kissing?” “Honestly, momma,” Leila replied  “I feel that anything beyond a peck on the cheek with someone of the opposite sex is wrong except you are dating. That however brings me to the question, what is an acceptable age for dating?” Momma nodded and promised to address all the issues at the weekend. After Leila had retired to bed, Tanti placed a call to her older sister – Buky, and recounted her conversation with Leila. She needed advice on how to handle the questions given her experience. She had raised three children who were now in their twenties.

“My dear sister,” Buky started. “Such conversation is a must-have to assist your teenage child navigate the inquisitive phase. They are exposed to different external stimuli from social media, movies, peer pressure, parties, and the like. If they are not properly guided from within, they will pick up ideas from the outside. You must discuss your perspective on the topics raised and assist Leila imbibe your values by being open and engaging in your conversation. You must encourage freedom of expression so that you win her confidence. Otherwise, she may be subject to other influences. Mind you Tanti, teens are at an adventurous phase and tend to keep up with the Joneses.”

Immediately after church service on Sunday, Tanti met up with Mrs. Jolomi who teaches the teen class at church, and relayed her recent conversation with Leila. Mrs. Jolomi laughed and affirmed that the teen years are years of adventure and curiosity. She shared a recent challenge whereby the concept of non-binary gender was actively debated and effectively faulted using the word of God. She ended the discussion with the following advice. “Truth is, there is so much happening around and there is a limit to which you can shield their awareness. It is better to be a step ahead and discuss trending issues with them, giving them the right perspective and inculcating your values in them, thereby preparing them to stand firm in the face of opposition. The days of shooting them down and avoiding controversial topics are long gone.”

After a sumptuous lunch, Tanti had a heart-to-heart discussion with Leila where they exchanged opinions, and Tanti enunciated the values and precepts from the bible. She reminded her of two important verses that clearly state that as God’s children, we should be reminded that even though we are in the world, we are not of the world (Jn 17:11; 14-15) and that we should not be conformed to this world but be transformed (Rm 12:2) by being guided by biblical precepts and values.

Havilah advises that parents have the responsibility of raising their children properly in a fast-changing world where values that were previously extolled are fast eroding. May the Lord help us to inculcate the right values in our children. Values that are in tandem with our beliefs.

Love

Havilah