A boisterous fifteen-year-old Leila Richards bounced into the kitchen where her mother – Mrs. Richards, was fixing dinner. Leila, an only child of Tanti Richards had lost her father to an undisclosed illness five years ago. Consequently, she had grown close to her mother over the years, and as she offered to help with dishing the food, with unbridled excitement she blurted “Momma, is it wrong to kiss a boy?” Tanti concealed her surprise and replied calmly “ Kissing is a sign of affection but there is no one answer to the question. It depends on the context. Hmm…can we discuss this over dinner?” At the dinner table, Leila teased her mom “Momma I know you are all ears to understand why I asked the question. Anyway, during our lunch break, a couple of our classmates ran into Bello and Samira kissing in the cloakroom and a debate was started as to whether their action was acceptable. The debate further deepened into dating and the acceptable age for sex.”

Mrs. Richards heaved a sigh and replied, “Leila, I know sex education is part of your curriculum at school, but you must align what you are taught at school with God’s word as taught in teens church. Can we have this conversation at the weekend and … by the way, what is your opinion on kissing?” “Honestly, momma,” Leila replied  “I feel that anything beyond a peck on the cheek with someone of the opposite sex is wrong except you are dating. That however brings me to the question, what is an acceptable age for dating?” Momma nodded and promised to address all the issues at the weekend. After Leila had retired to bed, Tanti placed a call to her older sister – Buky, and recounted her conversation with Leila. She needed advice on how to handle the questions given her experience. She had raised three children who were now in their twenties.

“My dear sister,” Buky started. “Such conversation is a must-have to assist your teenage child navigate the inquisitive phase. They are exposed to different external stimuli from social media, movies, peer pressure, parties, and the like. If they are not properly guided from within, they will pick up ideas from the outside. You must discuss your perspective on the topics raised and assist Leila imbibe your values by being open and engaging in your conversation. You must encourage freedom of expression so that you win her confidence. Otherwise, she may be subject to other influences. Mind you Tanti, teens are at an adventurous phase and tend to keep up with the Joneses.”

Immediately after church service on Sunday, Tanti met up with Mrs. Jolomi who teaches the teen class at church, and relayed her recent conversation with Leila. Mrs. Jolomi laughed and affirmed that the teen years are years of adventure and curiosity. She shared a recent challenge whereby the concept of non-binary gender was actively debated and effectively faulted using the word of God. She ended the discussion with the following advice. “Truth is, there is so much happening around and there is a limit to which you can shield their awareness. It is better to be a step ahead and discuss trending issues with them, giving them the right perspective and inculcating your values in them, thereby preparing them to stand firm in the face of opposition. The days of shooting them down and avoiding controversial topics are long gone.”

After a sumptuous lunch, Tanti had a heart-to-heart discussion with Leila where they exchanged opinions, and Tanti enunciated the values and precepts from the bible. She reminded her of two important verses that clearly state that as God’s children, we should be reminded that even though we are in the world, we are not of the world (Jn 17:11; 14-15) and that we should not be conformed to this world but be transformed (Rm 12:2) by being guided by biblical precepts and values.

Havilah advises that parents have the responsibility of raising their children properly in a fast-changing world where values that were previously extolled are fast eroding. May the Lord help us to inculcate the right values in our children. Values that are in tandem with our beliefs.

Love

Havilah