Month: November 2024

A HEART OF APPRECIATION

/ Motunde Dada / Leave a comment

Tilewa (Tilly), raised a toast to Dr. Bio Fadairo (SAN) at the graduation dinner arranged on her behalf and after pouring encomiums on him and handing over a gift, she proceeded to tell her story. Tilly lost her father at the age of seventeen, after her Senior Secondary School examinations. Her mother had two other mouths to feed and could not afford tertiary education so Tilly joined the workforce as a clerk in the chambers of Dr. Fadairo. Her employer, the erudite Dr. Fadairo was perceived as a taskmaster who could never be pleased but Tilly soon learnt that his bark was worse than his bite. He stretched her boundaries and pushed her to perform. Some four years later, Tilly gained admission to study Law (part-time) at one of the prime universities in the city and had just graduated with a First class. She was awed and realised that due appreciation had to be accorded Dr. Fadairo for pushing her to this formidable achievement. After God, he was next.

Tilly’s tribute reminded me of another, a personalised picture frame with words that I saw in the bedroom of my friend, Inemi. These were words sent to her by her then-18-year-old daughter when she turned fifty. I read them and was instantly emotional. I have her permission to share:

“MOTHER, MUMMY, MOM

These words never seem to leave my mouth and even when they leave my mouth, they never seem to leave my heart. Anytime I think of you a feeling of joy and sadness rush my heart. Joy for all the good you have done for me. Sadness that you had to sacrifice a lot for me, sometimes depriving yourself of luxury so that my sisters and I would not live in penury. I do not think there is a word that has been created to show how much you are appreciated. I do not need to look very far because in you I see the ideal role model. To say you are wonderful or awesome would be an understatement. My love for you cannot be overrated. Here’s hoping you have a wonderful birthday and many more years ahead.

Thank you for being there in times of need. Thank you for disciplining me – I turned out a lot better than I would have expected. Thank you for the love you showed to me and for showing me how to love. Thank you for teaching me to stand up for myself. Thank you for all the gist you gave to me: for being my companion when I was bored. Thank you for all the slaps you gave me when I was little…I just couldn’t resist writing that. Thank you for providing for me and my sisters. Thank you for giving us the best you can. Thank you for teaching me the virtue of patience. Thank you for always praying with me and tucking me into bed at night. Thank you for teaching me how to be independent and not depend on any man, by example. Thank you for juggling your career with motherhood and being able to help me with assignments. Thank you for showing me that I should not be afraid to express my emotions, but I should be strong enough to put them aside and move on. Thank you for teaching me how to be humble and to do things without expecting something in return. Thank you for teaching me kindness and the art of giving freely. ABOVE ALL Thank you for showing me the way of the Lord. I actually cried while I was writing this, I hope you like it.”

The yuletide is a time of appreciation. Appreciation of God’s gift to humankind…the birth of Jesus Christ. It is also a time to appreciate each other, and Corporates do that well during the season. We should also ruminate over all those who touched our lives in the course of the year and appreciate them with words and gestures. Let us not forget the street sweeper, the trash collector, the janitor in the children’s school or our office etc. May the Lord help us to genuinely appreciate the impact we make on each other and SHOW appreciation. Compliments of the Season!

Love

Havilah

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

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As I walked out of the shopping mall, deep in thought because I came away with nothing because everything, I picked had price tags that did not make sense to me, my thoughts were interrupted by the security men’s “Seasons Greetings!”

Immediately, my mind switched gears to the reality that we are indeed in the “holiday season.” What will it mean to us this year? Harsh economic realities worldwide, insecurity, rumours of war…the list goes on. For the adult, there is nothing happy about this season except the fact that God sent his only begotten son to give us Salvation and we are alive despite the odds. However, how do you explain to the children who are looking forward to the holidays and Christmas in particular, that these are peculiar times? I thought of my neighbour’s children who are so looking forward to the Holiday Season and then it struck me…children are easily excited. A treat does not necessitate Eateries and the like. Some simple things work for them as they can be highly creative about play. Some of the thoughts I have are shared here.

  1. Take them anywhere safe with plenty of space e.g. parks etc. They like to run around, play ball, and other games like catchers, rats and rabbits, and anything that will exhaust them.
  2. Bonding time with parents telling stories and folk tales, especially those accompanied by memorable songs. Passing down some skills like baking, carpentry, mosaic pictures, paper mâché models, knitting, artwork, beading, etc.
  3. A change of environment e.g. visiting grandparents, spending time with cousins and close relations, a trip to some of the “places of interest” or tourist attractions in your environment. Places like Museums, Airports, Sea ports, Train stations, Amusement Parks, Mountain ranges, Springs, etc. This could be both a learning experience and relaxation for them. Even a visit to a mall or shopping area they have never been. Parents who are not Thalassophobic or aquaphobic (afraid of large bodies of water) may take them to the lake or beachfront around where you live on a picnic with packed food, drinks, playthings and games like board games, cards, buckets, boomerangs, etc.
  4. Preparing specialty dishes that they love at home rather than taking them to an eatery. Involving them in the preparation e.g. fried rice, doughnuts /puff puff, meat pies, chin-chin etc. Making them part of the preparation gives them some excitement.

If the family can afford it, at least one of the parents should take some time off at this period, to spend the much-needed time with the children. These are times that demand that one puts on their thinking cap and display creativity, to ensure the children have an enjoyable time regardless of the challenging times. The season must be planned ahead to make the most of it which is why I think this is the right time for this discussion.

Usually, various religious and corporate bodies also have arrangements for children during the festive season in the form of fairs, parties, and picnics, so parents should be on the lookout for such freebies for their children.

I want to wish all parents, grandparents, and children especially….”HAPPY HOLIDAYS.” Importantly though, please incorporate thoughts and activities for the reason for the season!

Love

Havilah

CEREBRAL PALSY, A CONSEQUENCE?

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Maudline dropped off her three children – Gbebe and the twins – at a colleague’s daughter’s tenth birthday party and made a quick dash to the supermarket and squeezed in a hospital visit before returning to the party. In her absence, she could trust Gbebe who was twelve, to keep a watchful eye over her twin girls – Gbayike  and Romoke. Despite Gbebe’s challenges, he was such a darling and very protective of his sisters. He had good communication with them, and they bonded very well together.

First, a little background about Gbebe. Gbebe was born with cerebral palsy at birth after prolonged labour, hence his name which means God heard our plea. His palsy affected his speech, limbs and level of understanding but Maudline had put in a lot of effort to bring him to par with his peers and even much more so with his siblings. He could take care of his personal hygiene and feed himself although his feeding habits were a little sloppy for his age.

At the party, Gbebe had been served with his food and had fed himself. Thereafter, his sisters had ignored the mess and tried to clean him up as best as they could, all the time conversing and laughing with him. Suddenly, they were approached by a girl named Susan,  who walked up to them and asked pointedly “he looks like you both, is he your brother? The twins responded with a nod and a smile and tried to introduce her to Gbebe, but Susan shrank away and quickly, withdrew her hand. She asked blatantly, “why did you bring him along to the party? My cousin has a brother like him, and they all leave him at home when they go out. In fact, if you have never visited their home, you wouldn’t know about him because he is always locked up at home. They say he is very aggressive.

Just then, Maudline arrived to pick up her three jewels (as she often referred to them). On the way home, the twins related their experience with Susan and Maudline immediately counselled the children as follows: “Do not be upset with Sue, she does not know better, and her cousin’s parents have not helped matters. Would she like to be locked up at home and treated like an outcast – I am sure the answer is no. Such treatment can arouse aggression in anybody. We tend to forget that created us all differently according to purpose. You know Gbebe is gifted with playing the drums and guitar and recently won a medal in paracycling. He can also do several other things because we shower him with love and have never given up on him. He was not treated differently from you and displays a high level of independence.”

When Maudline retired to her room, she discussed the event with her husband, Chike, and they agreed to start an enlightenment campaign on Cerebral Palsy by destroying the myths and explaining the facts.

Excerpts from her first article are contained below:

Cerebral Palsy is a condition marked by impaired muscle co-ordination and /or other disabilities and is typically a result of damage to the brain before or at birth. It therefore follows that neither the child nor the parents are responsible for the condition. When we consider that every child is a gift from God, we realise that we should be grateful to God for his gift. He has a purpose for the gift, and it is the responsibility of every parent to help their child realise their God given purpose in life. This can only be done through love and encouragement. Every child thrives in an environment of love which boosts their self confidence and love for humanity. The home must be a haven where they recover from the taunting and daunting challenges they face outside.

As a proud mother of a son with palsy, I can say it takes patience and understanding to help them navigate the challenges they face, but it is filled with gains when you find them achieving the purpose of their creation. They should not elicit shame, pity or embarrassment but rather, God’s name should be glorified.

Psalm 104:25-4-25 reads ” How many are your works, Lord! In wisdom you made them ALL.”

Havilah believes the world would be a better place if we learn to be more accommodating of people with disabilities and treat them with love. We should also teach our children to treat them with respect, dignity and love because, we are all God’s creation.

Love

Havilah

CAN KAMALA HARRIS BE THE DEBORAH OF OUR TIME?

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As the world watches the USA elections with unabated interest, I cannot but wonder how many of us kept awake all night, following the elections. Undoubtedly, this is one election that has generated so much interest around the globe primarily for three reasons:

  1. When Big Brother (the USA) sneezes, the rest of the world catches a cold. Undoubtedly the policies crafted in the United States have a tremendous impact on other countries with ripple effects experienced worldwide. Consequently, everyone is on their seat’s edge, eager to know how things will shape out.
  2. This is probably the most keenly contested race in the history of the United States and the polls rate them at par. It is therefore anyone’s guess as to who emerges as the next President.
  3. If Kamala Harris wins, she will be making history as the FIRST Female President of the United States of America – a monumental win. I dare say, that even if she loses, her courage should be commended, and she would be the second woman to contest and lose in the USA.

While following the elections, my mind played back to a conversation I had with a friend about two decades ago regarding the appropriateness of women for Leadership roles. He believed that women are not cut out to face the pressures of Leadership and that they were created to assist the men with their roles. They could deputise or assist but not lead. After a heated debate, we called a truce as my arguments seemed lost on him. I still hold strongly to my view that even in biblical times, there is the record of a female leader – the only record – but it proves that God is not averse to women in leadership roles. That woman was DEBORAH.

The Bible records that at the time when Judges ruled Israel before they cried out to God for a King like other nations, there was a female Judge and Prophetess called Deborah. She ruled at a time when Israel was under oppression by the Canaanites for twenty years. As a judge, she adjudicated on matters brought to her for settlement and exercised wisdom and knowledge from her relationship with God, in settling disputes. However, she felt compassion for her people and interceded with God for her people. She heard from God and obeyed the instruction to engage the Canaanites in battle. She then sent for the Military Leader – Barak and instructed that he prepare his men for war. Barak feared the Canaanites and insisted he would only go to war if Deborah went with them. She did and prophesied that the victory would lie in the hands of a woman. Israel defeated the Canaanites, and a womancalled Jael, lured and killed the King of the Canaanites. Clearly, Deborah exhibited laudable leadership traits and was rewarded with forty years of peace for the Israelites.

Deborah was visionary – She foresaw challenges and opportunities and crafted plans to achieve positive results.

She was approachable as people sought her out for justice.

She displayed wisdom and knowledge in the dispensation of justice.

She was sensitive in the spirit and obeyed God’s instructions and directions.

She was courageous and confident and did what needed to be done. If the army needed her to go to war, she was not afraid.

She did the needful to achieve the desired results. She worked as a team leader, driving and encouraging the members to achieve the desired goal.

In a world in which men dominate Leadership positions, it appears to be an uphill task for women to break through the ranks of Leadership, but we are not giving up.

Love

Havilah