Bade is with Juanita in their bedroom discussing the family finances when he suddenly inches closer to Juanita, stretching his hands toward her breasts which Juanita deftly deflects. Bade’s response is to ask “Honey, how come you willingly release these breasts to Jokotade to suckle and hold but are quick to rebuff my attempts to touch them.” Juanita laughs and with a shake of the head, gently teases him – “Bade, are you really jealous of Joko? She is a baby and needs to suckle. Are you a baby?”

In another scene, Obi turns to Nogi accusing her of neglect. His complaint,” Nogi, you always come up with excuses when I need to spend time with you. If it is not…I have to check the children’s assignments, it is I have to take Mimi to her swimming lessons, Ikem has a football game, or the kids and I are off to the mall, …you are always busy with them and when it is bedtime, you are so tired, you promptly fall asleep. Don’t I deserve some of your time also?”

Haroun’s complaint is not much different. “Maina, why do you always allow the children to steal our time together? They are always interrupting our time together and you allow them to get away with it. They want to sleep on our bed and come barging into the room on one excuse or the other and you always fall for it.”

These are just three scenes representative of some of the pressures married couples with children have. In the case of Haroun and Maina, they had waited for over seven years before the children came and then, they had triplets.

Unfortunately, the wife/ mother is in the middle of it all so she must learn how to balance her time and affections. She must know when to say “No” to the requests from her husband and/or children especially since she also needs to indulge in self-care.

She must involve the husband in some of the bonding time with the children. It should never be him or them. Daddy can take Ikem to the football game while mummy gets some rest and is less tired. Also, family outings and games help the family understand one another better. A woman wears so many caps it can be dizzying so she needs to balance the equation. While she grapples with self-accomplishment and self-care, she needs to be the caregiver to her family, the encourager to all, the mentor to the children, and the lover, companion, and prayer partner to her husband among other responsibilities. If it all appears daunting, it is because it is. But, taking the perspective that it is all achievable with the help of God, makes it a lot easier. The more time the family spends together the better the understanding and acceptance of each other’s needs. The Bible says, ‘A family that prays together stays together” and that is true. When the family starts and ends the day praying together, things are bound to smoothen out.

Nobody says it is easy juggling the balls to enable satisfaction for all the members of the family but with love, cooperation, and understanding, the burden becomes much lighter.

Couples must remind themselves that the children will eventually outgrow the nest and husband, and wife will have themselves to reckon with. It is therefore important to create the right balance for the sustenance of a happy marriage.

Love

Havilah