Some years ago, while attending a work seminar, the question was asked: What do you consider to be the number one requirement for a successful relationship in the workspace? It so happened that of all the solutions bandied, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION emerged as the answer. It is important to note that in ALL relationships, effective communication plays a significant role in the success of the relationship – whether Parent/Child, Teacher /Student, Employer/Employee, Superior/Subordinate, Husband/Wife or even Colleagues and Peer group.

Recently, Paula, a lady in her late fifties, was astounded when her husband, in his characteristic manner, sauntered into the kitchen where she had breakfast served on the kitchen Island and was brewing the accompanying coffee and responded sharply to her light banter. She merely teased him with “Benebo, it appears you are ravenous this morning?” His sharp response was, “What happened to good morning? I notice that you never wish me a good morning.” She felt taken aback but managed to stutter, “But you are always still sleeping when I leave the room to fix breakfast. You come in to meet me; what stops you wishing me a good morning first?” To this, Benebo reeled out, “It means you lack home training.” Paula held her peace but retreated into thought as they ate their breakfast in awkward silence.

Paula searched the past and realised that since they got married some thirty-seven years before, it had never been the practice to wish each other a good morning. In the early months before the children were born, she had to leave early for work while Henry still slept as he had a later resumption time. Consequently, by the time they interacted, “good morning” was no longer relevant. They, however, greeted each other with pecks, hugs, and banters. Fast forward to the period of child rearing, while he slept, she hurriedly prepared the children for school, and even when she requested that they pray as a family, he was reluctant to disturb his sleep and eventually excused himself from the family prayer time. Consequently, they never developed the routine of wishing each other a formal good morning, talk less of praying together and sharing experiences for the day. Now, they are both retired and homebound, and the effect of years of lack of effective communication is rearing its head.

Havilah opines that Communication lies at the building blocks of successful relationships and should commence first with God. We must call on God and thank him first thing in the morning. Collectively approaching him as a family is encouraged as the scriptures make it abundantly clear that prayers are more effective where a minimum of two are gathered to pray in unity of purpose. Our first “Good morning” is to our creator, even before we get out of bed. Subsequently, communication between a couple should take place. My opinion, though, is that communication does not have to be through words or formal. The closer the relationship, the less formal communication tends to be.

Back to Paula and Benebo. It appears that effective communication is lacking. Benebo is probably feeling uncomfortable about their communication or lack of it and is reacting with his outburst. It behooves Paula to seek an appropriate time to broach the subject matter, and both parties must make a conscious effort to wrong the mistakes of the past through effective communication.

To further help Paula and Benebo, your advice will be most welcome. It can be sent to the comment section of this post. My take is that several marriages are experiencing similar challenges, and our advice may assist in the resolutions.

Love

Havilah