Salome and Ndidi were inseparable friends, always seen together on campus. They reminded one of the nursery rhymes about Mary and her Lamb. Tofarati, on his part, was the young man of every girl’s dreams—the kind whose every action screamed, “Take me home to Mama.” Tofarati was polite, kind, considerate, good-looking looking and well-mannered. Of all the girls on campus, he had his eyes on Salome, but each time he approached her to start a relationship, she shunned him. The truth, though, was that Salome liked him but was playing the age-old “hard to get.”

One warm afternoon, Ndidi (the bolder of the two) decided to visit Tofarati in his room at the Staff quarters to inform him of Salome’s interest. She intended to set the ball rolling for her friend because they had noticed that Tofarati seemed to be relenting in his pursuit. Ndidi met Tofarati, shivering yet running an extremely elevated temperature. He had malaria, and there was nobody around to help. Ndidi felt the right thing to do was to sponge him down with tepid water to bring the temperature under control and administer anti-malaria drugs after fixing him some hot soup. Thereafter, she intimated to him of her mission, which was to assure him that Salome was interested in striking friendship with him. At that point, Tofarati looked Ndidi straight in the eye and asked her directly, “What about you? Don’t you like me? Ndidi was caught unawares and stuttered coyly, “I-I-I I bet every girl on campus likes you,” she said, averting her gaze and taking her leave. Tofarati responded with gratitude for the information regarding Salome and promised to act on the information.

Ndidi headed back to meet with Salome and intimated her of the action taken and Tofarati’s response. She informed Salome that Tofarati was unwell but deliberately omitted her actions in ameliorating his state.

Days passed and Tofarati regained his health. He visited Ndidi to appreciate her kindness during his ill health and appeared to switch his affections toward Ndidi. Salome was livid about her friend’s “betrayal,” while Ndidi pleaded innocence because her visit had been motivated by concern for her friend. She had no ulterior motive. She felt no guilt as she felt she had only done the right thing in the circumstances she had found him and had not contemplated shifting his attention. No amount of explanation could convince Salome that Ndidi’s actions were not a deliberate ploy to win Tofarati’s affection. Although she had consented to the visit, she had not contemplated the actions she undertook – sponging and cooking. Worse still, Ndidi deliberately omitted that portion from her narrative of what had transpired that day, so she felt the actions were preconceived. She labeled her a schemer. Ndidi, on the other hand, explained that she omitted to report the actions she undertook because she knew her friend to be insecure and did not want to ruffle her feathers.

Please share your thoughts in the comments section. Could Ndidi have managed things differently, given what she knew about Salome and her interest? Could her actions be perceived as a betrayal of friendship? Ndidi is at a crossroads as she cherishes her friendship with Salome, but at the same time, she genuinely likes Tofarati. What should she do?

Love

Havilah

Mother’s Day was celebrated a couple of days ago, and while some mothers were celebrated, others were disdained. Incidentally, just a day before, I was out shopping when I caught a ten-year-old boy attempting to pick a pocket. After calling the attention of the would-be victim and thereby foiling the attempt, I cornered the boy and interrogated him about himself. My questions revealed that he lived with his mother in a one-room apartment some distance away, and he claimed not to have eaten that day. (Mind you, this was around 5 pm). According to him, he was an only child, and his mother had gone partying, which was her usual practice at weekends.

On Sunday, as part of the Mother’s Day celebrations, I watched a playlet that distinguished between the characteristics of a good mother and a bad mother. Wikipedia describes a mother as “the female parent of a child. A woman may be considered a mother by virtue of having given birth, by raising a child who may or may not be her biological offspring, or by supplying her ovum for fertilisation in the case of gestational surrogacy.” This description therefore covers stepmothers, adopted mothers, Spiritual mothers, Godmothers, etc. A mother’s role is undoubtedly pivotal in the proper development of the child because of the emotional attachment, sacrificial love, and affection she exhibits in raising the child. Unlike a caregiver, she is expected to sacrifice time, emotion, and resources as she partners with God in raising the child. She moulds him/her to be a successful individual by shaping perceptions of life, relationships, and interactions while playing the critical role of mentorship, instilling values, habits, and life skills throughout life. She intuitively feels his/her needs and concerns, offering active involvement and support. It follows that a good mother is one who fills the bill, and a bad mother is the converse.

This reminds me of two friends – Rounke and Bimpe. Both had remained friends through university and beyond. After marriage, Rounke settled down to her motherly role, mentoring and monitoring her children, Bambo and Moni. She even passed up an opportunity to take on a high-flying job with a multinational company that required much international travel, preferring one that afforded her the time to mentor and monitor their progress. She sacrificed so much for them that she built a close-knit family of four comprising her husband, herself, and the children. This resulted in phenomenally successful children who were greatly admired by all who came across them. Bimpe, on the other hand, was the chronic socialite – at every society event, borrowing to keep up with the Joneses, investing time and effort in social activities to the detriment of Bolude, her only child. More recently, she was invited by Bolude’s principal and served with his letter of suspension for cult related activities and for poor grades in his academics. The School’s Guidance Counsellor had waded into his matter and, after a series of interrogations, had submitted his report to the principal. The report was an indictment of Bimpe. It appeared Bolude’s behaviour was his way of seeking his mother’s attention. He had suffered neglect from her and craved her attention and affection. He loved her dearly, but believed she did not care about him, and whatever he did was of no consequence.

As we reflect on the true essence of motherhood, we must remember that the family is a microcosm of society, and the mother holds the steering wheel, guiding the family. She sets the building blocks for the child’s development. Undoubtedly, a good and proper upbringing is essential to a better future generation. While I doff my hat to mothers who are effectively playing their role, I pray that those trailing behind will view this as a wake-up call to the tremendous responsibility on their shoulders in raising the next generation. May the Lord grant mothers the wisdom, strength, and willingness to do the needful for their children.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Love

Havilah

Odion and Omon are tightly knit twin brothers who were determined to marry in a foursome wedding. While Odion’s fiancée, Isoke, routed for the idea, Omon’s fiancée – Nonyelum, was indifferent. Nevertheless, all four planned the wedding assiduously, having fixed the wedding date after carrying all three sets of parents along. Both Isoke and Nonye were in their mid-thirties and under pressure from family and peer groups to “settle down.” Some two months before the wedding, Nonye, who was quite spiritual, had a troubling dream about her fiancé, Omon, but could not quite remember the dream. She, however, recalled that the dream portrayed him to be a different person from the beloved Omon she knew and respected. Suddenly, she realised that her prayers had been geared toward God making Omon the perfect partner for her. She stopped and had a rethink. She needed to ask God to be aligned with his perfect will for her, not to rubberstamp her choice but to guide her in making the right choice. She started praying for God’s perfect will, and the more she sought God’s face, the more she felt something was wrong with her choice, so she decided she would not be stampeded but would rather wait for God’s confirmation before going ahead with the wedding. She sought out Omon and asked for more time, but he rebuffed her and told her he would get married on the set day, with or without her. When she broke the news of their breakup to her parents, they were angry and embarrassed but agreed that marriage was not a decision to be taken lightly, and she needed to be sure before embarking on it. They told her in plain terms,” Once you are in, you will never have our blessings if you come out.”

 As for Odion and Omon’s parents, they were furious but went ahead with the plans, hoping that Nonye would come round. Omon’s mum surmised,” She is probably experiencing cold feet and will get over it.” Omon, on the other hand, encouraged his family to continue with the plans; little did they know he had a plan B, until a week after Nonye’s bombshell, he surfaced Shewa as his proposed bride. Isoke was shocked but nevertheless happy that the proposed foursome wedding would still hold. When Nonye got to hear about Shewa through Isoke, she went into her closet and gave thanks to God for the revelation. Obviously, she now knew Omon was not God’s choice for her, and who knows what untold challenges she would have faced if she had followed her own choice. She continued to seek God’s face concerning his choice for her, and six months after the scheduled wedding, she met Michael. As she prayed concerning him, she felt peace and an acclamation from God. She invited Isoke to her wedding with Michael and was surprised to learn that Odion and Isoke were already filing divorce proceedings. Isoke had found out after the wedding that the twins were not just philanderers but also steeped in occult practices. They had merely pretended to be Christians to obtain “wife material” from the church.

Often, we pray to God for guidance, but usually we already have a preferred line of action, a preferred option which we ask God to perfect. So many of us predetermine our children’s school or cause of study and merely ask God to make our choice possible, forgetting that God has his plans for each of us. His plans for us are perfect, and by imposing our will over his, we sometimes derail destinies. We even seek to help God achieve our desires and preferences by using our sphere of influence to achieve OUR desired goal, which may be at variance with God’s will for us. Oftentimes, when we are at variance with God’s divine purpose or will, we end up struggling to maintain a balance, whereas God’s will for us is achieved with ease. Even when we meet with challenges along our way, he enables us to overcome them, and if he decides to let us remain in them, he gives us the grace to abide, all for a purpose.

May God guide our steps and enable us to pause and inquire from him regarding direction, before rushing into decisions.

Love

Havilah