Matters of the heart

TILL DEATH DO US PART

/ Motunde Dada / 2 Comments

Oyin was having a “pity party” as tears streamed down her cheeks. She was overwhelmed by emotions as so many thoughts crowded her mind, each struggling for expression and recognition. She never would have predicted the events of the past six months when her world fell apart with the diagnosis of a stroke. But that paled in comparison to the recent shock which had devastated and shattered her world.

Oyin loved Suffy to a fault. She had worked hard at her marriage and sacrificed her entire life to ensure that Suffy and their two boys had lived a comfortable life. Suffy had faced challenges in keeping down a job over the years, and Oyin had worked two jobs for the longest time to facilitate their lifestyle as a family. She had virtually broken her back taking on extra jobs and opportunities for the benefit of all. For this, Suffy, the boys, and extended members of their family appeared grateful, and she had basked in that love until now. Six months ago, she suffered a massive stroke, which affected her right side extensively. She had been on the verge of retiring into a relaxed and exciting life. With both boys now done with school and some decent investment, she had thought…now was the time to enjoy life! Unfortunately, the expenses associated with her health condition were taking their toll on available finances, and she was becoming fearful. To her utter disappointment, Suffy’s attitude had exacerbated the situation as he neither made attempts to contribute to her treatment nor assist in sourcing viable options for treatment. Suffy appeared helpless in the situation, and Oyin was left to work out the solutions herself.

Suffy, on his part, was increasingly out most nights for “a night with the boys.” This, he explained, was his placebo for managing the pain and trauma associated with seeing his once vibrant wife, bedridden. Unfortunately, those outings opened up opportunities to meet some ladies, and Suffy was now in a sizzling relationship with Adijat. Suffy had tried to keep the relationship away from Oyin, but one of his friends, Kole, “carelessly” let the cat out of the bag during a telephone conversation he had with Oyin. This brought her to her current state.

“What happened to the vows we took …” in sickness and in health?” Did those words mean anything to Suffy at all, or were they mere words?” Oyin muttered to herself. After all, she had stuck with him when things were rough. She had vowed to stick the marriage out “For richer or poorer” and had done so. It hurt the more because she knew that her current state of health was a direct result of the stress and trauma she underwent just to make Suffy comfortable. Was this how he intended to repay her love? If the tide had turned, she would never have acted the same way. She would have remained steadfastly beside him to comfort and encourage him. If only she had missed Kole’s call, she thought, the adage goes that ignorance is bliss. She would not be hurting now. But then, his betrayal cannot remain hidden forever, she figured and decided to brace herself to see Suffy for who he truly is. The more she thought about it, the more convinced she became that Kole had intentionally passed the information to her, and it was not in error.

Love

Havilah

THE DESERTED ROSE GARDEN

/ Motunde Dada / Leave a comment

As I hurried up to Belema’s place to pick up the special rose bouquet I had ordered for Valentine’s Day for my parents, I sat down to a cup of Chamomile tea and a quick chit-chat while the bouquet was being arranged. I couldn’t stop commenting on the healthy beautiful array of roses and the lovely fragrance from the garden which was close to the kitchen window. Belema smiled and took a deep sigh after which she interrupted my comments with the following, “Hmmm…when I think of how this garden started, I cannot but marvel at how God turns things around for good. Some thirty-odd years ago, I recognised the fact that Diepriye, my husband, was never available for us to bond. Shortly after our honeymoon, he was always out with the boys till late and I hardly saw him whether on weekdays or weekends. Initially, I attributed it to the fact that he had lived a bachelor’s life for long and was struggling with adapting to the concept of being married. This however persisted for about two years, so I decided it was time to read him the riot act. I threatened to leave if he continued with his attitude of abandonment and the Lord laid it on my heart to analyse marriage using a rose garden. This is what I said.”

“ Marriage is like a rose garden that blossoms with beautiful flowers and a sweet fragrance that beautifies everything around it. It evokes a peaceful and happy ambiance where everything thrives. Everything about the rose garden adds beauty, it attracts beautiful butterflies to it. Even the thorns were purposely created to defend it from external threats by invaders and predators. However, grooming the garden requires conscious effort in weeding, pruning, watering and generally tending it to achieve the desired results. I further explained that a rose garden that is abandoned or untended will undoubtedly fail to blossom over time and its fragrance will fade. It becomes a bush filled with unwanted and undesirable shrubs, weeds, and plants. The effort required to reinstate it to its previous state is double, entailing a lot of hard work in clearing the bush, replanting, tending, and watering. It is a begin-again approach and may not even yield as beautiful a garden as the earlier one.”

“Diepriye clearly understood the message and made a conscious effort to make himself available for communication and bonding opportunities thereafter. He it was who then mooted the idea of planting a rose garden to always keep himself in check. It is a reminder of what he almost lost and serves also as a place where we can both invest our time and ideas in tending the garden, while at the same time, tending our marriage.”

I must admit, I was bowled over by the analogy and the deep insight it afforded. I sought Belema’s approval to share this beautiful analogy on my page and, here you have it. It serves as a guide to intending couples and a reminder to all couples that marriages are to be enjoyed. He who finds a wife finds a good thing says the Holy book. Marriage must be carefully tended and protected to enable it to flourish and become a reference point to all intending couples. This of course means that early in the relationship, the couple must create bonding time and engage in communication which will help them evaluate how well they are doing. In this season of Valentine, Havilah wishes all readers, a HAPPY VALENTINE!

P.S. Show some love to all around you and appreciate one another.

Love

Havilah

Love Conquers All: The Enduring Strength of Love

/ Motunde Dada / 1 Comment

Love is a force unlike any other. It transcends time, space, and even the boundaries of human understanding. Throughout history, love has been the cornerstone of countless stories, the driving force behind monumental achievements, and the soothing balm for the deepest wounds. The phrase “Love Conquers All” is not merely a poetic expression; it is a testament to the boundless power and resilience of love.

Take the story of Fatou and Garo. Fatou is a beautiful Guinean woman of mixed descent (a Guinean father and an Indian mother) while. Garo (also of mixed descent is born of a Ghanaian mother and fathered by a Lebanese dad. They met in the United States of America while undergoing post graduate studies and immediately Garo saw Fatou, it was love at first sight. He never let her out of his sight and would chaperone her wherever she went. The love birds quickly agreed on marriage and given their mixed background and enlightened parents; they envisaged that it would be a smooth sail with both sets of parents.

Garo was stunned when he approached Fatou’s father Ousmane with the marriage proposal and got a flat “No…it won’t happen.” Fatou enlisted her father’s siblings to reason things out with him, yet he remained adamant. His reason – I cannot allow my only daughter, my priceless jewel to go through the frustrations of a strange culture and customs.” All attempts at convincing him that she would adapt, fell on deaf ears and since she was desirous of her father’s blessings, she decided to delay the wedding while putting pressure through extended members of the family and his friends. Ousmane informed all who approached him on the subject that he had experienced similar circumstances when Sara (Fatou’s mother and his childhood sweetheart) was to have married him. Sara had gone ahead to have Fatou as evidence of their love but had been prevented from marrying him. He never got over the pain.

Garo was however optimistic that Fatou would not have adaptational challenges, citing the thriving marriage his parents experience as a testimony, theirs would work. Afterall, he concluded “Love conquers all things.” Ousman eventually succumbed to the pressure and five years on, he says “Fatou’s marriage to Garo has been a blessing to our family. My daughter is happy and fulfilled and the union has blessed me with two adorable grandchildren. I am indeed happy.”

Havilah quips…the world is increasingly becoming a global village with boundaries constantly obliterated. Even the English lexicon now incorporates words from various parts of the world including Africa. It is gratifying to see words like “okada”,  “gist”,  “fanimorous”, “adinkra”, “babalawo”, “bukka”, “boma”, ”djembe”, “hakuna matata” and the like in the Oxford English Dictionary and Wikipedia.

In a world that can sometimes feel divided and uncertain, love stands as a testament to the enduring power of human connection. It is a force that transcends boundaries, heals wounds and inspires change. The phrase “Love Conquers All” serves as a reminder of the limitless potential of love to transform our lives and the world around us.

Love

Havilah