It’s Independence Month in Nigeria and I was rehashing all the hype about Nigeria’s independence. While contemplating its National Anthem, a line kept echoing in my mind, “…the labours of our heroes past shall never be in vain”. I stopped to reflect on it and then it struck me. How come it is only the male heroes that are remembered? Were there no women involved in the struggle for independence? I then decided to take a closer look at the struggle for independence in three countries of the West African sub-region and find out what I could about the “Winnie Mandela’s” of the region.

In Nigeria, we often hear about Anthony Enahoro, Ahmadu Bello, Obafemi Awolowo, and Nnamdi Azikiwe and various national monuments exist in their memory. What happened to the likes of:

Funmilayo Ransome Kuti aka “The Lioness of Lisabi”. A teacher by profession, Funmilayo Ransome Kuti was a foremost political campaigner and women’s rights activist by conviction. She successfully campaigned against arbitrary taxes levied on Egba women that were remitted to the UK government through the then Alake of Egba land and continued to champion women’s rights in the years leading to Nigeria’s independence. She was one of the first Nigerian women to form a political party and one of the delegates who negotiated Nigeria’s independence from Britain.

Hajia Gambo Sawaba was born to a Ghanaian father and a Nupe mother. Orphaned early in life she was contracted in marriage at the tender age of 13 which propelled the thrust of her early agitations. By the age of 17, she was politically active, and under the mentorship of Funmilayo Ransome Kuti, she acted as an arrowhead for women’s rights and that of the girl child in Northern Nigeria. She was a member of NEPU (Northern Elements Progressive Union) which served as a vehicle to achieve her goals.

Margaret Ekpo was born in the Southeastern part of the country and her journey into politics was fortuitous. She represented her husband at political meetings since by virtue of his employment as a civil servant, he was stopped from doing. While attending the meetings, she developed an interest in politics and formed the Aba Township Women’s Association. She was later nominated by the NCNC (National Council of Nigeria and the Cameroons) party into the Regional House of Chiefs. She worked alongside Funmilayo Ransome Kuti and was later elected into the Eastern Region Parliament and served from 1961 to 1965.

In Ghana, the big 6, namely Kwame Nkrumah, William Ofori-Attah, J.B. Danquah, Ako Adjei, Obesetbi -Lamptey, and Edward Akufo Addo, also gained full recognition. However, they were ably supported and financed by some women who have remained in the shadows. These are the likes of:

Rebecca Naa Dedei Aryeetey aka “Dedei Ashikishan”, a renowned dealer in flour and leader of the Market Mother Association. She made immense financial contributions to the cause.

Agnes Oforiwa Tago-Quarcoopome, also a trader, used her connections to raise funds for the CPP (Convention People’s Party – Kwame Nkrumah’s party).

Mabel Dove Danquah, a journalist used her pen to galvanise the fight for independence through her column in the Times of West Africa newspaper. In 1954, she was the first female member of the Ghanaian Legislative Assembly.

Susanna Al-Hassan was the first female member of parliament. An author and politician, her fearless activism during the colonial era was instrumental to her elevation in politics.

In Sierra Leone, while the likes of the Margais (Milton and Albert), Siaka-Stevens, Isaac Wallace- Johnson, Lamina Sankoh, John Karefa-Smart, and E.H Taylor Cummings, are applauded, the contributions of Ella Koblo Gulama and Constance Cummings–John remain unsung.

Ella Koblo Gulama aka “Madam Ella” was a paramount Chief of Kaiyambo chiefdom in the Moyamba district. She ventured into politics and was elected the first female member of the House of Representatives and was later appointed the first woman cabinet minister.

Constance Cummings-John on her part was leader and founder of the Sierra Leone Women’s Movement and was later appointed Mayor of Freetown.

Some other notables are Bibi Titi Mohammed in Tanzania and Field Marshall Muthoni Kirima in Kenya.

It is noteworthy that the phenomenon of non-recognition of the efforts of women towards independence transcends the continent of Africa. However, it is time for us to unearth these gems who laboured for our nations and give them the due recognition they deserve.

Love

Havilah

Recently, Elon Musk who is no stranger to controversy, has been touted on the social media waves again and this time it is posts of him in amorous embraces kissing “Robot wives”. The claim is that he is rounding up the production of emotionally intelligent female robots that could easily fit into the functions of a wife, giving men the companionship, communication, and emotional and physical satisfaction they would derive from a girlfriend or wife. Much as we know that this propaganda is AI (Artificial Intelligence) generated, it has stimulated my thoughts on the future of AI especially as relates to women and our roles.

It is expected that robots will play a more significant role in the workforce of the future. This of course portends the loss of certain cadres of jobs and with AI, the jobs that will be readily affected are jobs that tend to be repetitive in nature where statistical data can be programmed e.g., customer service, nursing, and teaching dynamics. These job roles will have to evolve. This could affect women who will be required to proactively anticipate changes and prepare for them. There will be a need for greater participation in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) education as well as being involved in the digital space.

How about women and marriage did I hear you ask? Well, my research pulled up the first “Robot marriage” as one held in 1917 in China between Zheng Jiajia and the robot he created and named Jingjing. Zheng’s purported marriage arose from frustrations at his inability to find a wife. While the robot he created could neither walk nor communicate fluently, it was a start. With advancements in AI, we have voice assistants that communicate clearly like Siri (the Apple platform) and Alexa (Amazon), and much more intelligent humanoid robots like Sophia and Grace who mimic human expressions and social behaviour. It is believed that what may today be viewed as SCI -FI i.e., an AI Robot wife with real skin/human shape/female mimicking love emotions and catering to the physical, emotional, and relationship needs of men, will in no distant future be our reality. It seems even more feasible because such a creation would eliminate some of the existing challenges that relationships and marriages face such as difficult or unpleasant relationships, the menace of sexually transmitted diseases, emotional and psychological attachments, trauma from abuse or cheating, cost of maintaining a wife/girlfriend (dates, gifts, etc.) and the AI robot wife would be adept at good housekeeping, cooking meals, doing laundry, shopping carrying out conversations and communication, etc. That all sounds bleak, but I know that the only constant thing is change. It therefore behooves women to be a step ahead in fashioning out other creative roles, the same way the workforce must figure out its existence side by side with these humanoids.

Just imagine what AI in the hands of persons with mischievous intentions can do to a relationship using the Elon Musk example. May the Lord help us.

Undoubtedly, one function that will not be ceded to them is procreation and until science and technology can figure that out (if they ever do) motherhood remains the prerogative of the woman.  One thing stands out clearly, we must remain relevant to our evolving world and to do so, we must remain creative and proactive.  Is there the possibility of some form of polygamy involving the humanoid or the employment of the humanoid as an” assistant wife of sorts” in the home?

My parting thoughts are… Of a certainty, the advent of AI, which is our reality, deserves food for thought!

Love

Havilah

Lena, a quiet, shy 19-year-old gained admission into the university a couple of years ago. Lena is the only child from a union between her late mother and her father – Chief Lukas. The Chief, an influential and extremely wealthy businessman had vouched not to remarry after Lena’s mother passed and spared no expense at giving her the best.

Shortly after her admission to the university, Lena was invited to a party off-campus by some of her coursemates where she met a tall, extremely good-looking, and witty young man in the person of David. Lena was swayed by the attention she received from this suave young man, and he introduced her to a substance which he termed “angel dust”. Little did Lena realise that angel dust was another name for a hallucinogenic hard drug known as phencyclidine hydrochloride. The effect on her was euphoric. It made her feel less inhibited and bold which she liked. After that, her friendship with David blossomed and he was always willing to provide her with her “angel dust”. During the course of this friendship, Lena learnt from David that her father – Chief Lukas, was a drug baron and one of the major smugglers and distributors of mind-altering substances in that city. He then solicited her assistance in obtaining the purest form of different drugs which he both distributed and used. The range spanned Colorado, Angel Dust, Canadian Loud and Arizona. At first, Lena was shocked to discover her father’s involvement in drugs, but she quickly saw the opportunity for easy access as well as ensuring David’s interest in her. She quickly struck a deal with her father’s Personal Assistant for supplies while extracting his promise not to divulge the information to her father.

Fast forward, two years later, one day, while rummaging through her father’s room searching for a stash of drugs, she came across a file that detailed his financial worth in terms of investments. As the sole heiress to the Lukas fortunes the figures were mind-boggling and Lena started imagining the lifestyle she could live with that kind of fortune. Firstly, she would drop out of school which she now considered a bore and worse still, she had been struggling with school as her grades were fast deteriorating. She discussed it with David, and they hatched a plot to murder Chief Lukas so that she could immediately inherit the fortune and get married to David who was now in his final year. On the appointed day, the plot failed as they had not reckoned with Chief Lukas wearing a bulletproof vest under his pyjamas. At about 2 a.m. that fateful day, David stormed the home of Chief Lukas with two of his cohorts and after gaining entry courtesy of Lena, he took two shots at Chief Lukas who was asleep on his bed. The Chief who woke up amid the attempt, pretended to have been hit and awaited the exit of the marauders before inviting the police.

After protracted investigations by the police, it was revealed that the culprits were his only child – Lena and her lover, David. When questioned as to her motive, Lena broke down in tears, muttering…” We planned it so that I do not have to wait till he passes to inherit my fortune, and this was done between bouts of angel dust and Arizona. We were both high!” she giggled. Even under interrogation, she requested some angel dust and Colorado as she was unable to function without the drugs. She had become addicted.

It was now the turn of Chief Lukas to collapse in tears, as he realised the impact of his trade. Shaking his head miserably he repeated to himself “Indeed what goes around comes around and there is some truth that when you do evil, nemesis eventually catches up with you”. He now saw clearly how “his thriving business” had severely impacted negatively and truncated lives. As he was being led to the police station, he replayed his entire life in his mind and regretted so many things. His dear wife (Lena’s mother) had died while transporting drugs for him in the early years and the guilt had led to him dedicating his entire life to giving Lena everything she desired.  He promised to repent and seek forgiveness from God while giving up the trade. He would also donate generously to rehabilitation centres, including the one he would have to send Lena to. He whispered gently…” Please forgive me God and help me.”

Havilah believes that the rate of drug abuse, which is a worldwide phenomenon, is rather disturbing and portends a worrisome situation for future generations. The liberalisation and legalisation of drugs by various governments require in-depth consideration of the pros and cons as the impact of drug abuse on society in general cannot be ignored. We are tending towards an increasingly erratic workforce with severe mental issues. I believe Drug barons and pushers should receive maximum non-fine penalties for their crimes against humanity and that their investments and monies be confiscated and donated to rehabilitation centres.

Also, parents need to spend quality time with their children. it is only then that they can catch or notice changes in their character.

Love

Havilah

I went on my usual inspirational walk a couple of days back and the idea of this topic kept reverberating in my brain, so here we are.

I recently received a post on social media, delivered to me through several platforms and persons which I will share here. My initial reaction was to ignore it but my mind wouldn’t let go. It is the story of an ex-military Nigerian male who committed suicide after killing his wife in the USA. The story, as told, is that the man was thriving in Nigeria but decided to send his family (wife and four children) to the U.S.A. in pursuit of a better life. He set up the wife in a Hairdressing business in the USA while he visited them intermittently. He eventually decided to relocate and join his family but unfortunately, things were not rosy for him there and the wife was much more affluent, she had become the breadwinner of the family. She started maltreating him and eventually moved to another house with the children. She then informed him that she had sold the house in which they previously lived, and he had a short time to look for an apartment to rent otherwise he would be evicted by the new owner. Worse still, he discovered she had a new lover. It was too much for him, he shot her and then himself. Very unfortunate and truly sad. The Bard (storyteller) continues with his conclusion that women are innately evil. They cannot be taken for who they present themselves to be. I however wonder whether the initiator of the post classifies his mother and close female relations in this same box.

Anyway, I put on my analytical spotlight on this expose and gleaning from my exposure to various circumstances at home and abroad, certain questions and possible scenarios come to mind. Unfortunately, the principal parties in the story are both late and there is no one to obtain the truth from. The questions that befuddle my mind are set out below:

1. How easy is it for a woman with four children to struggle alone with the children and survive in a start-up Hairdressing business in the USA? For one, with the exchange rate of the dollar to naira, it would have been difficult for the man to take care of all the family’s expenses in the USA on a naira income. Also, depending on the age of the children, she may have needed a caregiver to take charge while she worked to make up for the shortfall. She probably had to struggle quite a bit to make things work out prior to the business picking up.
2. During those tough days, what level of support did her husband give? Was there physical and/or emotional abuse experienced?
3. What kind of lifestyle was the husband living in Nigeria prior to joining the family? We know that most African men find it difficult to keep their pants zipped. Were there issues of infidelity? If yes, how was it handled?
4. It may have been frustrating for him to find himself in a position where his wife was more affluent. How did this affect his disposition toward her, and did she understand his frustrations and try to placate him, or did she flaunt her financial muscle?
5. Did she observe increasing hostility and violence thus instigating the decision to move away from him?
6. Did he consider the effect of leaving his children orphaned and how it would impact them? Obviously, this was a crime of passion, and it is always important to take a breather before acting on matters of the heart.

Honestly, I don’t have answers to the questions raised but I would always advise that families weather their storms together, especially young families. A situation where they separate for long periods, ostensibly to better their situation is usually counterproductive as there is a tendency to grow apart over the years. There is no way you can appreciate what each party is experiencing without being there and the separation usually results in schisms that are difficult to resolve.

I would like to conclude by saying that while there are persons who can seem inherently wicked, this is not restricted to a particular sex or race, most often, things are not always what they seem, and one should leave room for the benefit of the doubt before drawing conclusions. Social media is rife with malinformation, and it takes a discerning mind to surf it.

Love

Havilah

I was opportune to be in a gathering of young upwardly mobile professional ladies when I had an uproar from a far corner of the room. Some ladies had just chorused “Let the single breathe o” amid gales of laughter. The target of the banter was a lady named Busayo who recently engaged, was flaunting her dazzling ring to the admiration of her friends. I approached the group and congratulated the excited Busayo, then beckoned on the three most vocal members of the group for a discussion.

“Hi ladies” I started hesitantly. “It appears you ladies were obviously enjoying the banter, but please pardon my curiosity, are you beautiful young ladies single and if yes, would you mind sharing your reasons?”

Ogechi – tall, slim, and elegantly poised, was the first to respond. She could easily have won a beauty contest. “Aunty, for me, I am tired of the young men I come across. I am 36 going on 37 and over the years I have reached the conclusion that most lack the confidence and composure to connect with me. They do not measure up to standard particularly as relates to my core values of honesty and integrity which I consider to be of extreme importance in a relationship. They appear intimidated by my credentials and successful career. After 2 or 3 dates, they chicken out and worse still they lack the confidence to face me and tell me outright that they are no longer interested. This irritates me as I make it a duty to inform them from the outset that I am not dating for fun but rather, have my focus on marriage. Unfortunately, I am not ready to reduce my standards.”

Aduke cuts in “My personal belief is that marriage works out for only a few. There are too many failed marriages around me for me to desire marriage, my parents not being an exception. Many are experiencing toxic relationships and are constantly at each other’s throats. The atmosphere around them is so charged that you could get bruises by being around them. Then, there are several of our peers who rushed into marriage with euphoria and enthusiasm but have since exited. Marriage appears overrated and doesn’t appear to be what it was cut out to be in the first instance. As for me, my heart is fragile, it has been once broken, having gathered the fragments, I cannot afford another heartbreak. It will shatter me. I am guarding my heart jealously.” She laughs.

During the tirade, Murna remained pensively quiet but felt it was now time to break the silence. In a quiet but deliberate manner, she explained. “For some inexplicable reason, I have never been approached in that regard. Don’t get me wrong, I have male friends but purely on a platonic level. But then, our society considers it out of place for a woman to initiate the move. I have liked a couple of my friends enough to progress the relationship but do not understand how to migrate the friend zone and move to the next level.”

Having listened attentively to their experiences and concerns I tried to enlighten them on the institution of marriage as a desirable and enjoyable thing without downplaying the challenges. The pros certainly outweigh the cons and staying in a marriage builds maturity and a better understanding of human weaknesses. I believe it is every woman’s innate desire to settle in marriage and build a family but there are several mitigating factors including mistrust, misconceptions, the fear of hurt, negative experiences, etc. I believe parents, religious bodies, and marriage counselors have a responsibility to project the right image of marriage – how it is intended. As parents, we should realise that our own marriages are the first lens through which our children and their peers view marriage. Our marriage forms the base template so we must be mindful about what we project through our relationships. The religious bodies and counselors also have a responsibility to educate and enlighten singles regarding the expectations, challenges and navigation methods required for a successful marriage, highlighting the benefits. This should be arranged periodically for teenagers and young adults.

Last but not least, I am of the opinion that like in Murna’s situation, ladies should be encouraged to subtly drop a hint or engage a mutual friend to introduce the subject to a man to which she is attracted. He may be feeling inadequate, afraid of a “No” or just not communicating his intentions properly.

We all have a responsibility to the next generation to keep the institution of marriage alive. It is a good thing as ordained by God.

Love

Havilah

Did I hear the cliché, children are a gift from God? This implies that children are God given gifts whether solicited or not. When we consider that even earthly fathers will not give their children hurtful gifts, we better understand that God given gifts must edify him. If we also consider the fact that gifts are expected to be desirable items worth cherishing, it follows that every child is expected to be a desirable gift worth cherishing. This is the reason why births are celebrated from baby showers to child dedications and birthdays etc. However, let us take time to ponder, is every child a good gift? Hmmm…

Take the case of twin sisters – Toru and Tete. Both after marriage, gave birth to their fist fruits Benebo and Okafor, within a month of each other. The two cousins were inseparable attending the same playgroup, church, and family events until Tete moved to another city with her family. Benebo displayed qualities that endeared him to all that encountered him. He was the “perfect child” – well mannered, cultured, obedient and intelligent. He excelled in academics and represented his primary school at various fora. In fact, he could be described as a diamond – priceless and flawless. He readily gained admission to high school and finished in flying colours gaining admission to several Ivy league schools.

Okafor on the other hand, soon fell into bad company and under the influence of peer pressure, developed to be the opposite of his cousin. He never seemed to get things right, became ill mannered and ill tempered, insolent, rude and a truant. He resented school and all forms of discipline, and this quickly reflected on his grades. Tete (his mother) tried all the tricks in the book to raise him right and had even solicited the assistance of her twin, but all her efforts proved futile as Okafor remained unyielding and recalcitrant. Worse still, he latched on to a circle of friends who encouraged his bad behaviour. Worst among them was Muritala, his closest pal, who was a terrible influence. All attempts by Tete to break up their unholy alliance failed.

One day, Tete was invited to a program tagged “Handling children – The good, the bad and the ugly” and after the first segment, she quickly approached the convener and poured out her concerns regarding Okafor and his behaviour. She went on to explain that Okafor who had started school with his cousin, had because of his attitude and peer pressure, fallen behind Benebo by three classes. She wept bitterly as she told his story. She was referred to a counsellor who explained to her the following: “Madam, every child is a PRECIOUS GIFT FROM GOD. As you probably know, a gift is often unsolicited so its contents are often unknown to the recipient until the wrappings are dislodged and the contents exposed. The gift may have immediate appeal or may be something that requires to be deliberated and properly unearthed to appreciate its value. Some children, like cultured diamonds, glow and shine easily, reflecting the right values and mentoring imbibed by them. Others, however, require hewing, pruning, shaping, and polishing to enable them to exhibit their true value which is deeply embedded within. This takes effort in the place of prayers, patient mentoring, understanding and never giving up. In the end it pays as the true diamond hidden under the roughness which could have easily passed as common stone, is unearthed”.

Tete took in all she learned at the counselling sessions and put them to practice. She still benchmarked her son against Benebo, nevertheless she encouraged her son and showered him with Love and encomiums for perceived improvements, however minor. She prayed for him incessantly, guiding his path to success. All the hard work paid off when Okafor aced his High School leaving examinations with distinctions in all his subjects, receiving several awards and scholarships for his college education. In addition, Okafor had metamorphosed into “the ideal son” – God fearing, smart, and civil. He was now a well mannered, focused young man. As he steps into college, he reaches out to his old pal Muritala. Although his previous attempts to convert Muritala had been rebuffed, he refuses to give up and is hopeful of succeeding one day. He is however most appreciative of his mother who took the pains to unravel this rough stone in order to reveal the diamond within.

Love

Havilah

The adage that “a mother’s job is never done” is so true. From sorting out the household to mentoring and praying for the children and after them, the grandchildren – both biological and non-biological. Mothers’ prayers cover educational and career-related success, good health, protection, deliverance, childbirth and many more and she continues praying until she is called to the grave.

Three mothers were visiting their children at a Rehabilitation centre run by a religious body when they observed a woman sobbing uncontrollably as her daughter walked away from her back to her room. Attempts to comfort her fell on deaf ears as she kept repeating the question “Where did I go wrong?” The three women then shepherded her to one of the meeting rooms and engaged in the following heart-to-heart discussion.

Pauline, a sophisticated, super Executive in a Multinational corporation, kickstarted the conversation with her story. “My 16-year-old son is also here. I am a divorcee with an amazing job in terms of compensation and exposure. Over the years, I felt a compulsion to prove to my ex-husband that he was dispensable and that Dedan (my son) and I, were better off without him. I worked hard and excelled in my career but…it was all at a cost. I had little time for Dedan, but he had the very best of what money could buy. As an only child, I spoilt him rotten. Anything he desired he got, but little did I know that he had latched on to a habit of doing drugs and that the lavish lifestyle helped him fund the habit. I did not notice the changes in his personality because I was ever so busy and hardly spent time with him. One day, I was at a meeting when I received an urgent call from my steward at home who noticed that Dedan had passed out in the living room. He was rushed to the hospital where I received a rude shock – he had overdosed on substance abuse (hard drugs). I was not only shocked but also disappointed. I blamed myself. The thoughts that raced through my mind were – I am a bad mother; if only I had spent more time with him, he would not have done drugs. The hospital recommended this rehabilitation center and I have since learnt that while my seeming neglect may have contributed, there were other extenuating factors like the availability and easy accessibility of the drugs as well as peer pressure.”

Mama Hauwa then interjected. “In my case, I have remained a stay-at-home parent since marriage and monitor all my children to ensure they do not go wrong. This has earned me the nickname “monitoring spirit.” In fact, I am the proverbial mother hen ever protective of the children and keeping a strict watch over them. Little did I know that my daughter – Hauwa had successfully hidden her drinking habit from me until two years into her marriage, her husband sent her packing for being an “addicted alcoholic.” Just imagine the shame! Imagine that Pauline spent little or no time while I spent all the time. How do you explain it?”

At this point, Mama Curtis cuts in, shaking her head slowly she states philosophically “While moderation in everything is profitable, we must reckon with the God factor in raising our children. They are his children, and we are mere earthly guardians who have been gifted with them to raise and mentor. We need to seek his help in raising them to be what he desires them to be. On my part, I was a stay-at-home mom until my youngest, Tseye, turned ten. Thereafter, I resumed work, and all was well until Tseye while representing his high school at a sports meet, got injured playing football. The pain from the injury was excruciating and a certain drug was prescribed to ease the pain. Little did we realise it was an opioid with addictive qualities. Before we knew it, Tseye became addicted to the drug which brought about behavioral changes and attempts to stop its use resulted in severe withdrawal symptoms. I understand the pharmaceutical company responsible faced serious lawsuits in the USA and has since filed for bankruptcy. We are however, left to deal with the consequences. I have therefore reached the conclusion that there is no manual for raising children. As mothers in whatever position, we find ourselves let us do our best for them but most importantly, we must cover them with our prayers for them to be successful in life. We must also teach them the way of the Lord so that they can do the same for their children. In fact, our prayers should commence even before they are conceived, asking God to make them trainable and obedient children.”

After listening to the words of wisdom from all three women, the distressed mother brightened up and exchanged phone numbers with all three of them with a promise to stay connected.

Love

Havilah

This piece talks about the saga of a bereaved mother and serves as a tribute to all the women out there who have suffered the loss of a child regardless of the circumstance. Losing a loved one, regardless of whether it is a parent, partner, sibling, or friend, can be painful but none compares with the loss of a child. Consolation must come from drawing on the recesses of inner strength fashioned by a firm conviction in God’s faithfulness.

It’s been five solid years since Soba lost her only child Bolade to a senseless death occasioned by a stray bullet from those expected to protect lives – the police and today she is commiserating with a family who lost their breadwinner in similar circumstances. The death of Bolade had marked a turning point in her life and had birthed her current occupation – an NGO whose objective is to deliver justice and succour to families who have been victims of senseless killings through armed violence and conflicts as well as the brutality of Government agencies.

Bolade, her only child and a promising young surgeon at the age of 27, was returning at about 2 am from his stint at the hospital where he had been called to attend to an emergency when he was caught in a crossfire between the police and some armed cultists. Before he could say “Jack Robinson” a bullet had pierced through his side glass and lodged in his brain. He lost control and the car careened into a ditch beside the road. He was left unattended, either unnoticed or ignored and it was not until the early workers heading to their offices caught sight of his car around 6 am that help came. By then, he was dead and the unsuspecting mother – Soba, was contacted. She had no premonition especially since his duration at the hospital was largely dependent on the complexity of each case. She shudders as she relives her emotions on that day and the subsequent days that followed.

She remembers, the call to inform her there had been an accident involving Bolade and that he had been moved to a morgue. Her benumbed mind had been too shocked to process the news, so she had called her sister – Toru, who drove over to identify the corpse and took charge of everything else. She was in shock for weeks and kept thinking…” This must be a bad dream, a nightmare from which I will awaken to see Bolade’s goofy smile and feel his strong arms around me to shield and protect me”. Bolade always reminded her of his father – Goke, who had left her for another woman because as he put it – he needed more children. Unfortunately, Bolade’s birth had been both complicated and traumatic and the doctors had advised that she tie her tubes. Tears rolled down uncontrollably as she reminisced about his childhood. He had been a gifted child, brilliant at school and talented at sports. She remembered the ball games, prize-giving awards, and many medals received. She felt so alone and lacked the willpower to live. The weeks that followed his demise were the hardest she had experienced in her lifetime and though she had frequently had “well-wishers/sympathisers” in the first two weeks, the numbers had gradually dwindled in the subsequent weeks till she was left with those she now considered her core friends, her support circle – Toru, Magda, and Halima.

She classified the well-wishers into 3 categories:

1. Those who had visited from a sense of compunction – “it was the “right thing” to do.
2. Those who came to confirm and experience her sorrow firsthand while sneering behind her back. Some had even complained that she had lavished too much love on Bolade while some blamed that as the cause for the breakdown of her marriage…Hmm…the heart of man!
3. Then, there were those who genuinely felt her loss, commiserated with her, and found ways to lessen the pain in prayers, words, works, engagement, etc. To this third group, she remains eternally grateful.

Soba brings her thoughts back to the present situation and can understand the pain surging through the mother of this latest victim particularly as she stares into the faces of her late son’s colleagues and friends. She has been there, and she knows this kind of pain never goes away even though it dulls over time as a result of activity and a strong reliance on God, which are the panacea for all pain.

Once again, Havilah raises a toast to all the strong mothers out there who have at some time, or another experienced such pain.

Love

Havilah

“Navigating Widowhood” a Non-Governmental Organisation (NGO) started by three who share the common status of widowhood and have a passion to assist other widows’ transit into living comfortably and fulfilled lives recently held a fundraiser to assist with its Widow Empowerment Program and launched an endowment fund to conduct its charitable objectives. The NGO seeks to address the various challenges common to widows regardless of age, background, and circumstances. Issues addressed vary from accommodation to finances and include inheritance, companionship, cultural apathy, discrimination, and social stigma, among others. This passion to assist other widows is borne out of their experiences which prepared them for this task.

Ausi, now in her late fifties became widowed at the tender age of twenty-one, while a student teacher, pregnant with her first child. Gbenro, her husband and father of the unborn child was involved in a fatal car accident while returning from an official trip on behalf of his office. It was a harrowing experience for the young lady especially since her in-laws proved hostile and threw her out of the flat where they lived, the very next day. Even after the delivery of their son, the in-laws refused to have anything to do with her or the child. In her despondency, she readily jumped at the proposal of her next suitor to be a second wife. The prospect of having someone placing a roof over her head and food on her table was too good to be ignored as well as the satisfaction of her craving for companionship and leadership. The alternative would have been to return to her parents in the village and she could only envisage a bleak future otherwise. However, this decision brought its own peculiar challenges which formed the basis of her experience:

1. She had found for herself an enemy in wife No. 1 who hounded her at every possible opportunity and often appeared at her school to embarrass her, especially when their husband passed the night at her place.
2. Her new husband treated his children had by her very differently from her first child. He discriminated in favour of his two children causing inequity and disaffection among the siblings.

Consequently, Ausi had to consolidate her position by upping her game. She was privileged to have her second husband establish a school for her which she ran creditably well, enabling all three children to have an even playing field in terms of education and privileges. As time progressed, she also parted ways with him, urging him to return to his first wife.

Adun on her part had lost her husband in her mid-forties some ten years ago. By then, the children were through with school and able to withstand external aggression, particularly from her in-laws. Consequently, she was not in dire need of a husband or benefactor especially as she was financially independent and capable of living comfortably. The assets acquired during her marriage were jointly owned and had devolved on her at his demise. She also ensured that she was fully occupied with several NGOs and various church-related activities. She was socially active.

Lucinda, the oldest of the three, recently lost her husband at over sixty. Having depended on her husband since getting married, she had felt inconsolable and lost at his passing. She craved his companionship and provision but was glad for a family support system she could rely on – her children, both biological and non-biological, for financial support and provision, and her grandchildren for companionship. She lived with her eldest daughter and gladly took care of her children and those of her siblings that were dropped with her to care for.

These three women, therefore, determined in their hearts to run a widow’s support group that holds periodic workshops and funds widow’s emancipation programs where widows are given advice on a personal basis, taught various skills, and given grants to commence viable businesses based on the objective assessment of their feasibility studies. The group also gives widows the opportunity to network through social interactions and engagements as well as interface spiritually praying for one another.

There is no gainsaying the importance of widow support groups in society, whether established by Government, religious bodies, or individuals/NGOs as the vulnerability of widows in society cannot be ignored.

Love

Havilah 

Wealth creation refers to building wealth through diverse methods (which involve a variety of products) with the intention of receiving higher returns on investments. People often associate wealth with a certain class of people. It is seen as unattainable, belonging only to the bourgeoisie who are perceived as materialistic in outlook. Today, however, the Women’s Union of St. Mary’s Catholic Church has put together a seminar on the topic and three particularly active members of the union are in attendance.

Moira is involved in e-commerce. During the COVID-19 pandemic, she recognised an opportunity around the delivery of raw food items and provisions to households. The restrictions placed on movement and particularly the avoidance of crowded areas threw up a need for households to receive food items with minimum exposure to the virus. The convenience she provides has afforded her loyal customers and increased patronage from referrals. She gladly informs all who inquire that the success of the business is built on four pillars – an alignment with God’s will for her, passion for what she does, taking advantage of the opportunity when it arose and painstakingly keeping at it. She makes comfortable returns from it for the sustenance of the family but is eager to improve her finances.

Bambi, a top-notch banker is also attentive as to how to maximise returns. In recent times, the family has depended increasingly on her income as the children gain admission to higher institutions of learning and she is worried about the inflationary trend in the country which has hit double digits. She recently started a” side hustle” exporting African wear to the UK and this is giving her some returns in foreign exchange. Her mother often chastises her, insisting that wealth creation is the responsibility of men and not of women. She is therefore keen on understanding her role, especially from a Christian perspective.

Pattie is a stay-at-home spouse turned Hairdresser with a thriving salon in the city. She is currently considering opening a branch in an upscale part of the town. She observed that since starting the business she continues to make valuable contributions to the family’s resources which has earned her the respect of her husband and other members of their extended family. She is therefore keen on maximising returns, especially in the face of the crippling economic conditions in the country.

The Speaker’s opening remarks were “In these globally ever-challenging times, it is more important than ever before that women guard their finances to enable the financial stability of both her family and herself. In order to do so, whether as a professional or in business, she must hone her survival skills and her ability to create and sustain wealth.” She defined wealth as “An abundance of valuable possessions, material prosperity or a plentiful supply of a particular resource. It therefore follows that wealth is not limited to money but spans assets e.g. real estate, businesses, gold, stock, etc.”

She continued – “Is it wrong to desire wealth? Deuteronomy 8:18 the Bible informs us that God gives us the ability to create wealth. So, it is a God-given ability and there is therefore nothing wrong with it. The parable of the ten talents in Matthew further establishes that God expects us to utilise our God-given talents by expanding and increasing them.

So, what is the place of the woman in this? In Genesis 2:18, Eve was created to be a helpmate (helper) to Adam. It follows therefore that women are expected to assist their husbands in all things including their finances. Proverbs 31 – further extols the virtues of a hardworking woman who generates income from trade and invests such income, verse 16 states that “she buys a field from her earnings and plants a vineyard.” She is referred to as virtuous. In addition, the Bible in Acts16:13-15 mentions Lydia, a successful businesswoman dealing in expensive clothing. Her industry was celebrated.

Today, most women can earn an income or profit from some form of business, trade etc. However, to assist, especially in inflationary economies, against value erosion, there are three things a woman must be intentional about.

1. SAVE: To achieve this you must be focused on prioritising items of expenditure and cutting off frivolities. Focus on needs not wants.
2. INVEST what is saved: There are different Instruments roughly categorised into Capital Market, Money market, Hybrid, Foreign currency, Bitcoin, Real Estate, ETFs, REITs, Insurance schemes etc.
3. GIVE: The Bible promises in Luke that if you give you will receive in multiples. This principle works. As you give intentionally to the propagation of God’s word and as you assist others in need, you will receive favour, health, finances, wealth etc. Your giving need not be monetary to enable you to be blessed.

The seminar ended with a declaration…” When others say there is a casting down, your testimony shall be a lifting up in accordance with Job 22:29”.

Love

Havilah

P.S. It is advised that you get professional advice from an Investment Adviser on the best instruments that fit your risk appetite and pocket.