A Mother’s love, a Mother’s care,
A Mother’s sigh, a Mother’s prayer
A Mother’s work, and Mother’s day,
Leaves little time for any play.
A Godly Mother with Godly love,
Is treasure from God above,
A Godly Mother with Godly care,
Has God’s help when she sighs a prayer.
This is to all the moms, moms to be, and grand moms in the house!
Love
Havilah
Carla parks her car and dashes across my kitchen floor. She opens the fridge and empties a large glass of water in 3 huge gulps and in spite of the air conditioning, she is dripping with sweat. I ask “Carla…what’s with the sweat”. Carla responds that in the past two weeks she has generally felt unwell, experienced fatigue, breaking out in sporadic sweats especially at night. Carla turned 45 last June and I ask if she has thought about Menopause as a probable cause. “Wow….Havilah, I’m just 45. That can’t be the prognosis”. Trust me, I decided to give Carla a brief talk on the state termed “MENOPAUSE”.
What is Menopause? Another name for menopause is the climacteric. It is the time when women’s menstrual flows cease and they are no longer able to conceive. It is usually preceded by a number of symptoms which may or may not cease even after menopause kicks in.
What is the Cause? It could arise from a natural change in hormonal balance or as a result of surgery to remove the ovaries or some types of chemotherapy.
At what age does it commence? It usually occurs between the ages of 48-52 years but in some cases it could occur earlier or later than the average band width.
What are some of the symptoms?
Can it be treated? The severity of the symptoms vary for each individual and where the symptoms become very uncomfortable, prescribed medication may help. However, the situation can often be managed by lifestyle changes that include :
Vitamin supplements
Exercise
Keeping within cool environments
The right nutritional diet
Reduction in the intake of stimulants e.g. caffeine, alcohol, tobacco etc.
“Hmm….Havilah, that was some help. I think you absolutely nailed it. Now I have an inkling …it could be menopause setting in.”
“Carla, I think you should see your Doctor and once confirmed, please involve Chad – your husband to see you through the transition. It sometimes takes a toll on the family relationship – especially your partner”.
See you next week y’all!
Love
Havilah
Ummu, Yamide, Nengi and Ifueko had been meeting constantly at the Doctor’s waiting room at Radcliffe Hospital, for the past 3 to 4 months because their antenatal days happen to coincide.
Ummu, a housewife and mother of two, is expecting her third child at age 36 while Yamide, an upwardly mobile career woman, a primigravida at an advanced maternal age, is expecting her first child. Both are in their third trimester of pregnancy as they eagerly await the arrival of their babies. Nengi, at 24 is experiencing her first pregnancy as well and is expecting twins. She is in her second trimester while Ifueko who gave birth prematurely at 29weeks and lost the baby 9 months earlier, is in the first trimester of this current pregnancy All four are patients of the resident gynecologist – Dr. Bellgam.
Given Ifueko’s recent unsavoury experience, she initiates the conversation by addressing Ummu and Yamide who seemed deeply engrossed in discussion. “I really am worried about this baby, given that I lost the first one”. Ummu and Yamide respond in empathy “what happened?” Ifueko explains “It was my first pregnancy and I had no clue about all the signs so I did not even realise I was pregnant until I was 5 months gone. I felt a little fatigued and gained a little weight but did not experience the common symptoms of nausea and producing excessive saliva. In the fifth month of pregnancy, I visited a cousin and was about to leave, when I suddenly fainted and after I was revived, I was taken to a hospital and pronounced pregnant. I then registered for antenatal visits with that hospital. Things were great until I woke up in the early hours of one morning to find my bed wet. I was later informed that my amniotic sac (“Bag of waters”) ruptured and unfortunately, the hospital I was using lacked both the human capacity and equipment to handle a premature delivery. Nengi, who has been eavesdropping all the while, whispers a loud..”my God!” as Ifueko continues with the details “ The baby was born with a low birth weight and in the absence of an incubator and other relevant equipment, survived for only 10 hours.”
Ummu hurries to re-assure her that every baby is different and she probably will not experience the same. She further informs her that Dr. Bellgam is highly experienced and had birthed her first two children. She continues…” During my first pregnancy, I suffered eclampsia (high blood pressure in pregnancy) but it was properly controlled and I delivered Ahmed easily. For Aisha though, it was a difficult pregnancy starting with Carpel tunnel syndrome which had to be managed in pain throughout the pregnancy. Thank God, it disappeared after delivery. Then, at 36 weeks, Aisha had a breech presentation which Dr. Bellgam carefully maneuvered and I had a normal delivery although he had prepared my mind in the inevitability of a Caesarean section . My current pregnancy has however been without issues. One other key thing is – this is a hospital with specialisation in gynecology and obstetrics so all necessary expertise and equipment are available”.
Yamide chips in “ Given my age in becoming a primigravida, I experienced unusual cravings for food I didn’t usually eat and also suffered a couple of threatened abortions. I was further informed that the neck of my cervix was weak but with a shirodkar stitch in place, my EDD is in a week’s time. I know I’m going to have this baby and he will survive”.
Nengi quips, clapping her hands….”So it’s a boy. You weren’t telling, but it’s out now.” She continues….”A word of advice to you Ifueko. It is important to check out the rating and inspect the facilities your hospital has before settling for them. More especially, where the pregnancy is your first, because there are so many things that can go wrong to cause mother or child mortality or even end up in disability. I suffered pica in which I was gulping down volumes of Ice daily (which I thought was probably because of increased internal heat) but when I mentioned it to the Doctor, he conducted some tests and treated me for Pica. That has since stopped.
Ummu’s last words as the veteran in the room are “ Each pregnancy comes with its own challenges which are different in presentation and intensity, however the key things you must do are:
GLOSSARY
Primigravida – A woman who is pregnant for the first time.
Shirodkar – A surgical procedure which involves tightening the neck of the cervix.
EDD – Expected Date of Delivery.
Pica – An unusual craving to eat things that are not food e.g dirt, ice, etc.
Love,
Havilah
Today is International Women’s Day and with the above theme, I felt it was the most appropriate time to feature the story of four highly successful professionals as related below:
Mairo, Bodunrin, Nkiru and Adesua were invited by their primary school – Borogini Nursery and Primary School – to speak at a Seminar for the graduating class, entitled, “ACTUALISING YOUR DREAM”. One challenge they shared in common while climbing the ladder to success was GENDER BIAS in its varying forms. However, they were all able to overcome it by holding on to their dreams in spite of traditional beliefs about gender roles. Unfortunately, their mothers aligned with the bias, which made it more difficult for them to scale the divide, but they overcame through persistence.
Mairo, an aeronautical engineer, experienced bias early in life. She was the last of four children, and the only female. Although she displayed a lot of promise early in life, her parents had already decided that her education would not proceed beyond primary six for three key reasons. First, they wanted to concentrate their limited resources in giving the boys a good education. Second, as a female, in order to encourage submission to her would be husband, she needed to be exposed to the barest minimum education and third, any investment in her education would be lost when she got married and changed her name. Both parents were in agreement on this. However, fortune knocked at the door and in Primary five, she won a Mission scholarship that saw her through secondary school where she also received sponsorship for her University Education in the U.S.A. She settled in the U.S.A and is married with a daughter and a son and her experience has taught her not to discriminate among her children but rather to encourage them in achieving their dreams.
Bodunrin on the other hand, the only male among the speakers is a world acclaimed Professional Chef, having served with the best hotels across the globe. He currently runs one of the best five star restaurants in Nigeria. He recalls that he had always had an interest in cooking and milling around the kitchen when his mother or any of their live-in aunties was in the kitchen. His mother would always shoo him away with a stern warning “Bodunrin, you are a boy. Cooking is for girls and in our custom a man has no business in the kitchen. There will always be a female to cook for you”. He eventually studied Nutrition and Dietetics but remained restless pursuing cooking as a hobby, until he underwent apprenticeship in culinary arts to fulfil his dream. Today, he churns out some of the tastiest meals served in the country.
Nkiru on her part had the full support of her parents to study Medicine. Upon completion of her degree she decided to specialise as a Neurosurgeon. To her surprise, her programme Director who incidentally was a woman, came up with various arguments discouraging her from pursuing her dream and suggesting that women are best fitted for fields like Gynaecology and Obstetrics, Ophthalmology, Paediatrics and the like. She however braved the odds and was in a male dominated class. As the only female in her class both the faculty and the students made disparaging remarks to discourage her but she emerged the best graduating student in her class. The discrimination continued even when she practised the profession until she was able to successfully carry out a very difficult and delicate surgery. The respect for her ability has since grown in leaps and bounds.
Adesua, the last of the speakers is on the National Female Football Team and had this to say. She always loved to follow her brothers whenever they were playing football as children. Her mother would yell at her and often beat her when she came back all dirtied from the falls and with ripped clothes. It was always “Adesua, you won’t kill me! What will people say? You are not a boy o. Why can’t you be like your sister Esohe, she is the perfect lady, playing with her dolls and helping around the house”? Adesua ended up with the following statement, “Of course, today, she is proud of my career and success as a footballer but it was only achieved through persistence and hard work”.
So ladies, today affords us another opportunity to put our thinking caps on while admitting that gender equality is achievable. Let us say no to our traditional beliefs and biases about gender equality.
Love
Havilah
Collins English dictionary defines SINGLE MOTHER as “a mother who has a dependent child or dependent children and who is widowed divorced or unmarried”. She could be unmarried by choice or by situation.
Chinwe and Karen are two mothers with children in the same class at Richville school. Chinwe’s son, Nnamdi and Karen’s son – Jim are best of friends with top grades in school and both are on the school’s basketball team, while Sue (Jim’s sister) is two classes below. Karen who is recently widowed lost her husband Peter about 3 months before the following conversation takes place.
Chinwe: “Hi Karen, Nnamdi tells me you will be moving the children to a different school next term. I don’t get it Karen, both your children are doing great with their grades and Jim is in the school’s basketball team. I also understand he is one of the best behaved students in the class. I don’t think changing schools is a good idea, especially so soon after losing his dad.”
Karen lets out a deep sigh and replies “That is the very reason why they need to move schools Chinwe. Peter was such an awesome father who catered for all the family’s needs and saw no reason for me to work. He encouraged me to stay at home and cater to the domestic needs and mentoring of the children. He passed away without preparing me for widowhood” she stifles her sobs and continues..” I am now a single mother with full responsibility for two teenage children. I can’t fathom how to feed them, clothe them and pay private school fees. Its overwhelming. The prudent thing to do is to move them to a Public school”.
Chinwe gives Karen a hug and gently reminds her that she is also a single mother whose only son was born out of wedlock. She has been solely responsible for his upbringing and trusts Karen’s ability to hold the fort. She continues “ Karen, what will Peter have wanted for these children? Don’t forget that you are a fully qualified paediatrician with an innate gift for handling children. You are multi talented and multi skilled. If you think this through, I know you can pick up the pieces and maintain your independence by progressing your profession. Do not forget that there are men and women in your profession who like Peter, are solely responsible for funding their family’s lifestyles. You can do it because God has endowed you with everything you need to make a success out of life and he will not test us beyond our abilities”.
After the pep talk, Karen determines that she can do it and joins a women’s empowerment group where she gets ideas on prepping her resume, doing interviews, and dressing the part. She also takes a couple of refresher courses and lands consultancy offers in two hospitals which allow her flexible hours for the children and covers all their financial needs. She even ends up investing and earning some passive income.
Karen has since been invited to give a welcome address to new members of her empowerment group and she entitled it “ When life throws you a curve ball….you make lemonade out of lemons. There’s ALWAYS a way”.
Love,
Havilah!
Havilah Speaks 