Love Conquers All: The Enduring Strength of Love

/ Motunde Dada / 1 Comment

Love is a force unlike any other. It transcends time, space, and even the boundaries of human understanding. Throughout history, love has been the cornerstone of countless stories, the driving force behind monumental achievements, and the soothing balm for the deepest wounds. The phrase “Love Conquers All” is not merely a poetic expression; it is a testament to the boundless power and resilience of love.

Take the story of Fatou and Garo. Fatou is a beautiful Guinean woman of mixed descent (a Guinean father and an Indian mother) while. Garo (also of mixed descent is born of a Ghanaian mother and fathered by a Lebanese dad. They met in the United States of America while undergoing post graduate studies and immediately Garo saw Fatou, it was love at first sight. He never let her out of his sight and would chaperone her wherever she went. The love birds quickly agreed on marriage and given their mixed background and enlightened parents; they envisaged that it would be a smooth sail with both sets of parents.

Garo was stunned when he approached Fatou’s father Ousmane with the marriage proposal and got a flat “No…it won’t happen.” Fatou enlisted her father’s siblings to reason things out with him, yet he remained adamant. His reason – I cannot allow my only daughter, my priceless jewel to go through the frustrations of a strange culture and customs.” All attempts at convincing him that she would adapt, fell on deaf ears and since she was desirous of her father’s blessings, she decided to delay the wedding while putting pressure through extended members of the family and his friends. Ousmane informed all who approached him on the subject that he had experienced similar circumstances when Sara (Fatou’s mother and his childhood sweetheart) was to have married him. Sara had gone ahead to have Fatou as evidence of their love but had been prevented from marrying him. He never got over the pain.

Garo was however optimistic that Fatou would not have adaptational challenges, citing the thriving marriage his parents experience as a testimony, theirs would work. Afterall, he concluded “Love conquers all things.” Ousman eventually succumbed to the pressure and five years on, he says “Fatou’s marriage to Garo has been a blessing to our family. My daughter is happy and fulfilled and the union has blessed me with two adorable grandchildren. I am indeed happy.”

Havilah quips…the world is increasingly becoming a global village with boundaries constantly obliterated. Even the English lexicon now incorporates words from various parts of the world including Africa. It is gratifying to see words like “okada”,  “gist”,  “fanimorous”, “adinkra”, “babalawo”, “bukka”, “boma”, ”djembe”, “hakuna matata” and the like in the Oxford English Dictionary and Wikipedia.

In a world that can sometimes feel divided and uncertain, love stands as a testament to the enduring power of human connection. It is a force that transcends boundaries, heals wounds and inspires change. The phrase “Love Conquers All” serves as a reminder of the limitless potential of love to transform our lives and the world around us.

Love

Havilah

A LITTLE KINDNESS

/ Motunde Dada / 2 Comments

Marjorie invited me over for brunch one Saturday and it was clear she had lots on her mind as she sometimes seemed far away. After some gentle probing on my part, she blurted out…”Havilah, I have been rapping myself on the head over something that I felt could have been better handled. I felt I could have extended more help to someone I met on the streets, but unfortunately, I recently learnt that he had passed on.”

“It is no use crying over spilt milk, my dear,” I replied, ” but can you tell me about it? It may help you feel better. “

Marjorie smiled and took two sips of her smoothie before starting her story. While taking her daily walks she happened upon a gentleman who consistently roamed her route in a manner she regarded as aimless. He would often give her a smile and later appeared to summon the courage for a fleeting “Good morning.”( This did not come as a surprise to me as Marjorie often appeared intimidating with her huge frame and stern look.) She had however observed him, and her intuition was that this person was an educated and possibly enlightened person, but something must have gone wrong with him. On a particular occasion, she observed him staring into a nearby canal and she pondered about what was going through his mind. One day, she suddenly realised that she no longer saw him on her route and hoped things were well with him. About a month later, she ran into him again and decided to stop and enquire about his welfare. She informed him that she had not seen him in a while and hoped all was well. She watched his face light up as if he were excited that someone cared to have noticed his absence from the street. He informed her that he had been ill and did not have adequate funds for the treatment. She then gave him her phone number to send his account details, then continued on her walk. When she returned home, she saw his message and credited his account with some money. He called back to acknowledge receipt, and she felt fulfilled at offering the assistance. Shortly after, she undertook an official trip that kept her out of town for roughly four months. When she returned, she continued her walks but did not see her newfound friend and kept hoping that he was better.

About four days before our little rendezvous, Marjorie received a strange call from someone who was not on her contact list. Receiving calls from unknown persons was not strange because of her profession, however, the call left her distraught. Her new friend’s daughter was going through his phone and trying to reach his contacts to inform them of his demise. Apparently, he had passed shortly after her act of kindness. Just maybe, if help had reached him earlier, he would still be alive.

I reassured Marjorie that her kindness was probably much appreciated and possibly made a difference to his emotional state. “When it is time…it is time.”

Marjorie’s story however reminded me of the second stanza of Glen Campbel’s song – Try a little kindness.

“Don’t walk around the down and out.

Lend a helping hand instead of doubt.

And the kindness that you show every day.

Will help someone along their way.”

Love

Havilah!

RIGHTS, RESPONSIBILITIES AND PRIVILEGES.

/ Motunde Dada / 1 Comment

As Yahaya sauntered into the house, he observed that the house was in darkness as usual. He was glad he had stopped by at his usual spot to cool off with a couple of beers and enjoy the ambiance before driving home. It was ten minutes past midnight, and he was looking forward to feasting on Hauwa’s excellent cooking as usual. He flicked the torch on his phone and headed for the dining table. To his amazement, the table was bare, and he was immediately filled with horror…this was unlike Hauwa, what could have happened. He practically ran into the room and hurriedly woke her up only to be greeted with “Oh you are back?” Having assured himself that Hauwa was fine, he asked menacingly “Hauwa, what is the meaning of this, where is my food?”

Hauwa replied with a question – “where are you coming from at midnight? I expect you have had dinner to come home at this time, especially since you have constantly neglected to contribute towards our upkeep in this house,” An incensed Yahaya swung out to hit her but missed his target and landed on his knees. “Hauwa, I have often told you that from the day you became my wife, I obtained the right to good and timely meals, sex on demand, and several other rights. I refuse to be deprived!” he yelled.

Hauwa laughed in his face and responded –”Rights without Responsibilities, who ever heard of that? You have consistently failed in your responsibilities whether spiritual, financial, social, or otherwise, but you are always quick to demand your perceived rights. I cannot believe how self-centered you are. Rather than collectively solving our power issues, you would rather fuel your comfort and leave us in the heat…your excuse – you cannot stand the heat. I was born to suffer ehn? Yahaya, you need to review your perceived rights side by side your privileges and responsibilities. Some of what you perceive as rights are in fact privileges and can be withdrawn or withheld where the conditions precedent is unfulfilled.”

Hauwa relayed the incident to Havilah a couple of days later and set me on an expedition regarding Rights, Privileges, and Responsibilities and how they relate to marriage/relationships. The expedition took me to Meta AI where I gleaned the following information.

The relationship between Rights Responsibilities and Privileges is crucial in understanding individual freedoms, social norms, and civic duties.

RIGHTS are inherent and inalienable. They can be defined as fundamental entitlements accruing to individuals and are often enshrined in constitutions, laws, and Agreements.

They protect from harm, abuse, oppression, and discrimination.

They grant freedom and autonomy, enabling individuals to make choices, express themselves, and pursue their goals.

PRIVILEGES are special benefits or advantages granted based on status, position, or circumstances.

They are not inherent or universal and can be revoked or modified. They can be earned or lost.

RESPONSIBILITIES are duties and obligations often in exchange for rights or privileges.

Individuals are accountable for their actions, decisions, inactions, and impact on others.

Responsibilities encourage individuals to participate in the well-being of their communities and societies.

From the above, it would appear that responsibilities exist in marriage whether or not you want to view what accrues from the marriage as a right or a privilege and it is important that both parties fulfill their responsibilities. I however feel that the mode of communication by both parties leaves much to be desired.

Havilah nonetheless welcomes your comments on this topic for a better understanding of it.

Love

Havilah

A TALE OF TWO CITIES

/ Motunde Dada / 1 Comment

This is by no means a summary of that famous book by Charles Dickens, which is similarly titled, but please read through it to understand my choice of title.

Arike recently retired as a Deputy Director of Administration in a parastatal at the mandatory retirement age. If she had a choice, she would have preferred to continue in that comfortable position, enjoying the perquisites and trappings of her position. Fortunately for her, her two children were well settled in life and lived in the diaspora, although she lost her husband about five years prior. Arike felt confused, distraught, and afraid of the uncertainties ahead as she was retiring into a void. Luckily, she had a home jointly owned with her late husband back in their hometown. She had not felt the need for a house in the city since her office had always provided accommodation. She had no other assets as far as she could tell. After careful consideration, she decided to relocate to the “village” where she surmised that the stipends from her children, her gratuity, and her pension would have to stretch to meet her upkeep. She dreaded the decline in standards she would face but decided with a shrug, to bite the bullet.

A couple of months after relocating, she stood at the portals of the church when she noticed a sleek Chauffeur-driven jeep pull into the church premises. Who would emerge other than her childhood friend Didi? Their eyes met and Didi hurried toward Arike with a smile and a loud “Arikus…ah, is this really you? What are you doing back in town?” Just then, the service started, and the two friends agreed to catch up after the church service.

After church service, the conversation continued in earnest and Arike informed Didi that she recently relocated to the village having retired, and realised it was in her best interest to enable her to keep her body and soul alive. She needed to make the best of her gratuity and pension. She was cutting her coat according to her size.

Didi took a deep breath and exhaled slowly …” Haba, that is no way to think. There is so much potential in this town. Why don’t you navigate the opportunities and let us see how I can assist? I retired as a mid-level manager of a multinational corporation about eight years ago and returned home. I now wish I had done so much earlier. While at work, I identified the tourism potential of our town and decided to go into the hospitality business and gradually expand into resort facilities, and honestly sis, I am not complaining one bit. I am much more comfortable than when working and I currently manage a staff strength of about sixty persons.” As Arike alighted from Didi’s jeep, she promised to consider more deeply, the opportunities available in the environment  especially since she had been promised assistance.

In the confines of her room, Arike berated herself for:

  1. A lack of preparation for her retirement. She had worked hard and put her all into her job. The hard work had paid off in terms of promotions and the heights achieved but she had neglected preparation for the period after. No side engagements, or investments.
  2. She ignored her God-given talents which can be made to generate income for her. Her artistic gift could certainly do well in a souvenir shop for the teeming tourists. She also knew the terrain like the back of her hand and had the historical information for the various tourist sites. She could set up a company of tour guides to take tourists around for a fee.

She thanked God and Didi under her breath as she started realising the potential to which she was previously blind. She had previously banished herself to a lackluster life but now she was filled with vigour and the will to seize available opportunities. She determined to pray for God’s direction and guidance as to which of the options to pursue, before approaching her children and Didi for help. Indeed, her town was a “Tale of two cities”…The drab one as previously perceived and the exciting one full of potential as she now saw it. It certainly depends on which side of the coin you are viewing!

Love

Havilah

MAKE 2025 A YEAR OF WALKING IN GOD’S WILL

/ Motunde Dada / Leave a comment

It’s a brand-new year  with great potential, expectations, proclamations, visions and the like. Havilah raises a toast to all of us for crossing over into 2025 and prays for good success, health, upliftment and unwavering blessings for this new year.

During my two weeks break from my PC, I was chilling with friends and family, especially the millennials and genzees visiting Nigeria for “Dirty December” and as I sipped on a glass of white wine, one of the stories caught my attention.

There were three friends who had been friends from their secondary school days through university and beyond – Gbonju, Chima and Uyi. It happened that after graduation Uyi had travelled to the USA and seemed to have stabilised there and frequently sent money to his parents and siblings back at home. He travelled back to contract marriage and during the ceremonies, caught up with his two friends Gbonju and Chima who were already married but finding things difficult in keeping up with responsibilities. He advised them to apply for visas to visit him in the USA – a land he described as “God’s own country.” He promised to help them relocate but advised that they visit without their families to ease the transition, and they could later send for family or bring them over.

About six months after the wedding, Gbonju and Chima were able to secure visitor visas and visited Uyi in the U.S.A and were warmly accommodated at his house. Two weeks down the line, Uyi returned from work and summoned his buddies to a conference. He cleared his throat and started “I am sure you guys enjoy what you’ve seen of the USA so far, but this kind of life must be fuelled by money. We must now think of how you can make your own money to fuel your lifestyle. You know that your visa clearly prevents you from employment so I will introduce you to the ways you can remain here and possibly take on a job.

  1. You can use someone else’s social security number by assuming that person’s identity. Ther usually are persons willing to do this for a fee especially if they are no longer resident in the USA. Are there disadvantages? Certainly, apart from being illegal, the person may already have crimes and /or offences accruing to him.
  2. Engage in an “arranged marriage” with a citizen for a fee and through it obtain a green card.
  3. Apply for asylum claiming fear of persecution back at home.
  4. Legally marry an American citizen.”

Both Gbonju and Chima were silent as they pondered their options and asked for time to deliberate the options. Some two days later, Chima booked his return ticket and bid his friends farewell after an additional week of stay. As far he was concerned, none of the options were agreeable with him and he would rather return home, than do anything illegal or anything that negated his principles. Gbonju on the other hand, decided on option 4 insisting that his preferred option would have been the second option, but he lacked funds to pay for the “service”.

In response to Uyi’s observation that he had obtained his visa on information that he was married, Gbonju decided to procure a “fake” divorce certificate from home. This he did, without conferring with his wife – Gbeke. He felt it was unnecessary as he proposed to divorce his American wife Meredith, after resolving his stay. Unfortunately, things got complicated, and Meredith had a baby boy for Gbonju whereas Gbeke and his two lovely girls remained back home.

After about five years of sojourn in America playing hide and seek with Gbeke, Gbeke obtained a visa to the USA where she came to the stark reality that Gbonju had a legally married wife in the person of Meredith and there was an official divorce record filed regarding her own marriage. Disappointed, she returned home and ultimately remarried.

I took a deep breath and exhaled with a “Whoa! This is profound. So much to learn about how far desperation can lead and the effects of making the wrong choices.” Could Gbonju have fared better? Certainly, yes. Chima was rational in his thinking. Could Gbeke have seen it coming and pre-empted things by visiting along with Gbonju or earlier than she did? Maybe. Nevertheless, as we commence a new year, my advice is that we commit all our plans into God’s hands and keep within the ambits of the Law in whatever we do. The Lord will help us.

Once again…Havilah wishes all my readers a successful 2025!

Love

Havilah

N.B. “Detty December” – Wikipedia defines it as the festive period typically from mid-December through the New Year when many Nigerians including diasporans return home to celebrate and felicitate with family and friends.

BIRTHRIGHT CITIZENSHIP

/ Motunde Dada / 2 Comments

As Warami read the posts on her social media, she came upon the information that Donald Trump intends to do away with Birthright Citizenship, otherwise referred to as “JUS SOLI.”  Warami’s heart skipped a beat as she pondered her fate. She was now six months pregnant and had arranged with her eldest sister – Alero, to have her baby in the United States in the first quarter of next year, with expectations that the child would automatically acquire American citizenship and the attendant right of an American. All medical arrangements had been concluded and even though the financial implication was heavy, she had adjudged it worthwhile. Now, she was unsure of whether to cancel the plans or to go along and keep her fingers crossed.

What exactly is birthright citizenship? It is a legal principle that entitles babies born within the boundaries of a country to be automatically awarded citizenship of that country. A number of countries in the western hemisphere actually operate this principle although with some modifications as to other requirements in addition to the fact of birth. In the USA, this principle was adopted under the Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution in 1868 and has remained in force since then.

For a lot of parents from Developing countries, the opportunities inherent in having citizenship of a country that boasts rights and privileges, improved education, healthcare and social services are tempting, resulting in the development of “Birth Tourism” whereby, parents like Warami, visit the country, purely for the purpose of birthing their child there. Since 2020, the USA had stopped granting tourist visas to persons suspected to be visiting the country for such purpose. It therefore comes as no surprise that the stoppage of birthright citizenship forms a core part of the Trump agenda on immigration. The big question however is whether he can succeed in taking away birthright citizenship or better still, how easy would it be for him to achieve this?

My thoughts are that stoppage is achievable although it may not be an easy procedure. For it to gain acceptability, it would be easier to amend the provision rather than expunge it. For instance, the provision of the Constitution can be amended to include other prior or surrounding conditions, such as that the mother must have been resident in the USA for a minimum number of years, etc. Any amendment to the Constitution would require a two-thirds vote in both the House and Senate along with the ratification of three-quarters of the states. Consequently, I do not expect that this will be quickly resolved although, given the current global emphasis on immigration laws, it is only a matter of time before there will be restrictions placed on birthright citizenship, globally.

For countries that do not allow dual citizenship, children birthed in the USA or other countries may be forced to forfeit their paternal country with dire consequences, especially for Government or political appointments. Also, USA tax laws are based on citizenship not residency which means that wherever the citizen is located or resident, his taxes will be repatriated back to the USA.

Havilah therefore advises intending parents to look before they leap as the immigration dynamics in most Western countries are changing and they need to make informed decisions especially as they relate to their offspring.

Love

Havilah

DISCERNMENT OF RIGHT FROM WRONG

/ Motunde Dada / 1 Comment

As Ladunni and Buky walked away from the Christian Fellowship centre deep in conversation about the bible study that had just ended, they heard a loud honk from an approaching Lexus jeep which packed just beside them. A cheerful baritone voice boomed “Hello Lady Dunni, hop in and let me take you home.” Ladunni quickly opened the door to the front passenger seat and waved her friend to the rear seat. On first appearance, Buky mistook the man in the driver’s seat for Uncle Gbegi – Buky’s brother-in-law who was married to her eldest sister, Aunty Pero. However, as conversations proceeded it became clear to Ladunni that this relationship was beyond the ordinary. When they reached the hostel where they both resided, Buky alighted and Ladunni drove off with the man.

The next day, Buky enquired from her friend about the nature of her relationship with the man and Ladunni’s response was “Olamide is my boo.” He is so caring and spoils me silly with gifts. He is interested in marrying me, but we want to give the relationship some time. We met two months ago and honestly Buky, he swept me off my feet. He genuinely loves me and adores the ground I step on. “ The accolades kept flowing until Buky said “Ladun, can you listen to yourself? This man is as old as Uncle Gbegi. He is probably married with children. What do you think you are up to? Ladunni quickly replied…”Yes, he is much older than me and married with two children. However, he says I am the girl of his dreams. He actually dreamt about his wife, and I fit the girl he dreamt about. He married his wife due to pressure from his parents and he plans to divorce her to marry me. After all, God moves in mysterious ways, and I know his thoughts for me are thoughts of good. He sees my needs and has sent me a Divine helper to carry my financial burden. I have also prayed about it, and I am convinced he is my God-sent husband.”

“Oladunni! Let us consider this situation from the logical, moral, and spiritual points of view.” Buky continued.

  1. “How do you think members of your family will view your relationship with someone old enough to be married to your eldest sister?
  2. How would you feel if you learnt Uncle Gbegi was in such a relationship and Aunty Pero is not aware?
  3. How do you know he is being truthful about his intentions and purported dream or more importantly, its interpretation? I want to believe that your judgement is beclouded which is why you FEEL God is affirming him.
  4. This relationship contradicts biblical principles. The Bible frowns at divorce and worse still, he is not even a divorcee yet. Hmmm sis, tread cautiously.”

Ladunni shrugged Buky off and started avoiding her but as a loyal friend, concern for her friend pushed her to relate her conversation to a youth counsellor at their Fellowship Centre – Mrs. Gbotemi.

Mrs. Gbotemi sought out Ladunni and took her through a series of sessions on the interpretation of the bible on the sanctity and integrity of marriage, what constitutes adultery (even the act of lusting, is considered adultery) including the desire or intention to engage in extra-marital relationship. She asked Ladunni to question his motives for all the gifts he lavishes on her. ” Does he not have relatives who need his benevolence?” Eventually, she succeeded in convincing Ladunni to break off the relationship and reconciled the two friends Buky and Ladunni.

Havilah is of the opinion that enlightenment and educative discussions need to be done for teenagers especially as many are naïve when they gain admission into tertiary institutions where they are usually away from the supervision of parents or guardians. They must understand that things are not always what they seem, and the litmus test is to be aligned with God’s word. No leading from the Holy Spirit will contradict God’s word because God is not a God of confusion, and he will never contradict his word.

Love

Havilah

A HEART OF APPRECIATION

/ Motunde Dada / Leave a comment

Tilewa (Tilly), raised a toast to Dr. Bio Fadairo (SAN) at the graduation dinner arranged on her behalf and after pouring encomiums on him and handing over a gift, she proceeded to tell her story. Tilly lost her father at the age of seventeen, after her Senior Secondary School examinations. Her mother had two other mouths to feed and could not afford tertiary education so Tilly joined the workforce as a clerk in the chambers of Dr. Fadairo. Her employer, the erudite Dr. Fadairo was perceived as a taskmaster who could never be pleased but Tilly soon learnt that his bark was worse than his bite. He stretched her boundaries and pushed her to perform. Some four years later, Tilly gained admission to study Law (part-time) at one of the prime universities in the city and had just graduated with a First class. She was awed and realised that due appreciation had to be accorded Dr. Fadairo for pushing her to this formidable achievement. After God, he was next.

Tilly’s tribute reminded me of another, a personalised picture frame with words that I saw in the bedroom of my friend, Inemi. These were words sent to her by her then-18-year-old daughter when she turned fifty. I read them and was instantly emotional. I have her permission to share:

“MOTHER, MUMMY, MOM

These words never seem to leave my mouth and even when they leave my mouth, they never seem to leave my heart. Anytime I think of you a feeling of joy and sadness rush my heart. Joy for all the good you have done for me. Sadness that you had to sacrifice a lot for me, sometimes depriving yourself of luxury so that my sisters and I would not live in penury. I do not think there is a word that has been created to show how much you are appreciated. I do not need to look very far because in you I see the ideal role model. To say you are wonderful or awesome would be an understatement. My love for you cannot be overrated. Here’s hoping you have a wonderful birthday and many more years ahead.

Thank you for being there in times of need. Thank you for disciplining me – I turned out a lot better than I would have expected. Thank you for the love you showed to me and for showing me how to love. Thank you for teaching me to stand up for myself. Thank you for all the gist you gave to me: for being my companion when I was bored. Thank you for all the slaps you gave me when I was little…I just couldn’t resist writing that. Thank you for providing for me and my sisters. Thank you for giving us the best you can. Thank you for teaching me the virtue of patience. Thank you for always praying with me and tucking me into bed at night. Thank you for teaching me how to be independent and not depend on any man, by example. Thank you for juggling your career with motherhood and being able to help me with assignments. Thank you for showing me that I should not be afraid to express my emotions, but I should be strong enough to put them aside and move on. Thank you for teaching me how to be humble and to do things without expecting something in return. Thank you for teaching me kindness and the art of giving freely. ABOVE ALL Thank you for showing me the way of the Lord. I actually cried while I was writing this, I hope you like it.”

The yuletide is a time of appreciation. Appreciation of God’s gift to humankind…the birth of Jesus Christ. It is also a time to appreciate each other, and Corporates do that well during the season. We should also ruminate over all those who touched our lives in the course of the year and appreciate them with words and gestures. Let us not forget the street sweeper, the trash collector, the janitor in the children’s school or our office etc. May the Lord help us to genuinely appreciate the impact we make on each other and SHOW appreciation. Compliments of the Season!

Love

Havilah

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

/ Motunde Dada / Leave a comment

As I walked out of the shopping mall, deep in thought because I came away with nothing because everything, I picked had price tags that did not make sense to me, my thoughts were interrupted by the security men’s “Seasons Greetings!”

Immediately, my mind switched gears to the reality that we are indeed in the “holiday season.” What will it mean to us this year? Harsh economic realities worldwide, insecurity, rumours of war…the list goes on. For the adult, there is nothing happy about this season except the fact that God sent his only begotten son to give us Salvation and we are alive despite the odds. However, how do you explain to the children who are looking forward to the holidays and Christmas in particular, that these are peculiar times? I thought of my neighbour’s children who are so looking forward to the Holiday Season and then it struck me…children are easily excited. A treat does not necessitate Eateries and the like. Some simple things work for them as they can be highly creative about play. Some of the thoughts I have are shared here.

  1. Take them anywhere safe with plenty of space e.g. parks etc. They like to run around, play ball, and other games like catchers, rats and rabbits, and anything that will exhaust them.
  2. Bonding time with parents telling stories and folk tales, especially those accompanied by memorable songs. Passing down some skills like baking, carpentry, mosaic pictures, paper mâché models, knitting, artwork, beading, etc.
  3. A change of environment e.g. visiting grandparents, spending time with cousins and close relations, a trip to some of the “places of interest” or tourist attractions in your environment. Places like Museums, Airports, Sea ports, Train stations, Amusement Parks, Mountain ranges, Springs, etc. This could be both a learning experience and relaxation for them. Even a visit to a mall or shopping area they have never been. Parents who are not Thalassophobic or aquaphobic (afraid of large bodies of water) may take them to the lake or beachfront around where you live on a picnic with packed food, drinks, playthings and games like board games, cards, buckets, boomerangs, etc.
  4. Preparing specialty dishes that they love at home rather than taking them to an eatery. Involving them in the preparation e.g. fried rice, doughnuts /puff puff, meat pies, chin-chin etc. Making them part of the preparation gives them some excitement.

If the family can afford it, at least one of the parents should take some time off at this period, to spend the much-needed time with the children. These are times that demand that one puts on their thinking cap and display creativity, to ensure the children have an enjoyable time regardless of the challenging times. The season must be planned ahead to make the most of it which is why I think this is the right time for this discussion.

Usually, various religious and corporate bodies also have arrangements for children during the festive season in the form of fairs, parties, and picnics, so parents should be on the lookout for such freebies for their children.

I want to wish all parents, grandparents, and children especially….”HAPPY HOLIDAYS.” Importantly though, please incorporate thoughts and activities for the reason for the season!

Love

Havilah

CEREBRAL PALSY, A CONSEQUENCE?

/ Motunde Dada / Leave a comment

Maudline dropped off her three children – Gbebe and the twins – at a colleague’s daughter’s tenth birthday party and made a quick dash to the supermarket and squeezed in a hospital visit before returning to the party. In her absence, she could trust Gbebe who was twelve, to keep a watchful eye over her twin girls – Gbayike  and Romoke. Despite Gbebe’s challenges, he was such a darling and very protective of his sisters. He had good communication with them, and they bonded very well together.

First, a little background about Gbebe. Gbebe was born with cerebral palsy at birth after prolonged labour, hence his name which means God heard our plea. His palsy affected his speech, limbs and level of understanding but Maudline had put in a lot of effort to bring him to par with his peers and even much more so with his siblings. He could take care of his personal hygiene and feed himself although his feeding habits were a little sloppy for his age.

At the party, Gbebe had been served with his food and had fed himself. Thereafter, his sisters had ignored the mess and tried to clean him up as best as they could, all the time conversing and laughing with him. Suddenly, they were approached by a girl named Susan,  who walked up to them and asked pointedly “he looks like you both, is he your brother? The twins responded with a nod and a smile and tried to introduce her to Gbebe, but Susan shrank away and quickly, withdrew her hand. She asked blatantly, “why did you bring him along to the party? My cousin has a brother like him, and they all leave him at home when they go out. In fact, if you have never visited their home, you wouldn’t know about him because he is always locked up at home. They say he is very aggressive.

Just then, Maudline arrived to pick up her three jewels (as she often referred to them). On the way home, the twins related their experience with Susan and Maudline immediately counselled the children as follows: “Do not be upset with Sue, she does not know better, and her cousin’s parents have not helped matters. Would she like to be locked up at home and treated like an outcast – I am sure the answer is no. Such treatment can arouse aggression in anybody. We tend to forget that created us all differently according to purpose. You know Gbebe is gifted with playing the drums and guitar and recently won a medal in paracycling. He can also do several other things because we shower him with love and have never given up on him. He was not treated differently from you and displays a high level of independence.”

When Maudline retired to her room, she discussed the event with her husband, Chike, and they agreed to start an enlightenment campaign on Cerebral Palsy by destroying the myths and explaining the facts.

Excerpts from her first article are contained below:

Cerebral Palsy is a condition marked by impaired muscle co-ordination and /or other disabilities and is typically a result of damage to the brain before or at birth. It therefore follows that neither the child nor the parents are responsible for the condition. When we consider that every child is a gift from God, we realise that we should be grateful to God for his gift. He has a purpose for the gift, and it is the responsibility of every parent to help their child realise their God given purpose in life. This can only be done through love and encouragement. Every child thrives in an environment of love which boosts their self confidence and love for humanity. The home must be a haven where they recover from the taunting and daunting challenges they face outside.

As a proud mother of a son with palsy, I can say it takes patience and understanding to help them navigate the challenges they face, but it is filled with gains when you find them achieving the purpose of their creation. They should not elicit shame, pity or embarrassment but rather, God’s name should be glorified.

Psalm 104:25-4-25 reads ” How many are your works, Lord! In wisdom you made them ALL.”

Havilah believes the world would be a better place if we learn to be more accommodating of people with disabilities and treat them with love. We should also teach our children to treat them with respect, dignity and love because, we are all God’s creation.

Love

Havilah