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AGEING WITH GRACE

/ Motunde Dada / 2 Comments

Two high school friends Dehinde and Bodunrin found themselves side by side in the same hospital ward and were pleased to catch up after several years of not having contact. As Bodunrin exclaimed, “Dehinsman, where have you been? I cannot believe this is you after so many years. How long has it been….55 plus years? By the way, Faramade should be visiting me here in another two hours or so. He will be thrilled to see you”, he continued. After that, the two of them went into a long discussion, catching up on happenings and the whereabouts of classmates with whom they were in touch. As the discussions progressed, they shared experiences, but one common thread was inadequate preparation for the aging process, particularly as it relates to challenges regarding health, finance, and self-care/love.

Dehinde was the first to bemoan his situation. Having lost his first wife at the age of sixty and unable to cope alone, his family had insisted that he remarry. He ended up with Bisola (his current wife), who bore him a son, Mobolurin. Mobolurin, who is now thirteen, is an intelligent child and livens up his day, but he is greatly concerned about providing his financial needs, especially as his pension, which barely meets their living expenses. In the past fifteen years, the pension has remained static, oblivious of inflationary trends in the economy. It gets more difficult to cope by the day, and with the added burden of his health challenges, it gets worrisome. Dehinde recently had brain surgery, impacting his nutritional and medical needs, which have placed additional pressure on his finances. “I wish I had envisaged the situation and prepared adequately. More disturbing is the fate of my young son”.

Bodunrin nodded in acquiescence. “I agree with you Dehinsman. If anyone had told me years ago that I could end up with prostate cancer requiring so many procedures, laboratory tests, and medications, I would have doubted. Healthcare is probably one of the most important needs of aging and is extremely expensive to manage. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer some five years ago, and it has been a challenging and expensive journey since then. It has been chemotherapy, radiotherapy, periodic tests, and medications. All the hospital visits and laboratory tests I ran away from in years past eventually caught up with me when I had the diagnosis. To alleviate some of the symptoms, I have had to support my treatment with alternative medicine to improve my well-being. None of these comes cheap. I thank God for a supportive family, especially the children who have been impressive in providing financial assistance, without which I would probably not be here today”.

As Bodunrin rounded up, they both looked towards the door of their shared space, as if on cue, Faramade breezed in with springy steps. He had just returned from a Mediterranean boat cruise with his wife, children, and grandchildren. He appeared to be in the best of health as he pulled up a chair to sit beside Bodunrin. As he sat down, Bodunrin introduced him to Dehinde, whom he had not seen since they all left high school. Faramade peered at Dehinde before yelling, “Dehinsman, is this you?” The trio then reminisced about school days when Dehinde used to rule the tracks, representing the school in relay races. Dehinde shook his head in amazement as he asked Faramade for the secret behind his youthful agility, to which he replied jokingly, “It is arguing each case with my wife.” He then went on to explain that God had blessed him with good health, except for the occasional aches and pains, and he did not take it for granted. Nevertheless, on his own part, he managed his blood pressure and diabetes by taking his medications and doing his medical check-ups as needed. He explained that he had been a protagonist for check-ups and follow-up treatments over the years. His advice to his friend, Bodunrin had always fallen on deaf ears as he was considered obsessed with health and spent too much of his resources on healthcare, eating right, playing golf, and self-care. He concluded by stating that the aging process must be prepared for from all angles – spiritually, financially, health consciousness (healthy nutrition, habits, and exercise), self-care and emotional wellbeing. All these impact on one’s comfort in old age and with God on one’s side must be carefully planned for.

The three friends nodded in agreement and went on to discuss the proposed set anniversary scheduled to be held soon.

Love

Havilah

THE DESERTED ROSE GARDEN

/ Motunde Dada / Leave a comment

As I hurried up to Belema’s place to pick up the special rose bouquet I had ordered for Valentine’s Day for my parents, I sat down to a cup of Chamomile tea and a quick chit-chat while the bouquet was being arranged. I couldn’t stop commenting on the healthy beautiful array of roses and the lovely fragrance from the garden which was close to the kitchen window. Belema smiled and took a deep sigh after which she interrupted my comments with the following, “Hmmm…when I think of how this garden started, I cannot but marvel at how God turns things around for good. Some thirty-odd years ago, I recognised the fact that Diepriye, my husband, was never available for us to bond. Shortly after our honeymoon, he was always out with the boys till late and I hardly saw him whether on weekdays or weekends. Initially, I attributed it to the fact that he had lived a bachelor’s life for long and was struggling with adapting to the concept of being married. This however persisted for about two years, so I decided it was time to read him the riot act. I threatened to leave if he continued with his attitude of abandonment and the Lord laid it on my heart to analyse marriage using a rose garden. This is what I said.”

“ Marriage is like a rose garden that blossoms with beautiful flowers and a sweet fragrance that beautifies everything around it. It evokes a peaceful and happy ambiance where everything thrives. Everything about the rose garden adds beauty, it attracts beautiful butterflies to it. Even the thorns were purposely created to defend it from external threats by invaders and predators. However, grooming the garden requires conscious effort in weeding, pruning, watering and generally tending it to achieve the desired results. I further explained that a rose garden that is abandoned or untended will undoubtedly fail to blossom over time and its fragrance will fade. It becomes a bush filled with unwanted and undesirable shrubs, weeds, and plants. The effort required to reinstate it to its previous state is double, entailing a lot of hard work in clearing the bush, replanting, tending, and watering. It is a begin-again approach and may not even yield as beautiful a garden as the earlier one.”

“Diepriye clearly understood the message and made a conscious effort to make himself available for communication and bonding opportunities thereafter. He it was who then mooted the idea of planting a rose garden to always keep himself in check. It is a reminder of what he almost lost and serves also as a place where we can both invest our time and ideas in tending the garden, while at the same time, tending our marriage.”

I must admit, I was bowled over by the analogy and the deep insight it afforded. I sought Belema’s approval to share this beautiful analogy on my page and, here you have it. It serves as a guide to intending couples and a reminder to all couples that marriages are to be enjoyed. He who finds a wife finds a good thing says the Holy book. Marriage must be carefully tended and protected to enable it to flourish and become a reference point to all intending couples. This of course means that early in the relationship, the couple must create bonding time and engage in communication which will help them evaluate how well they are doing. In this season of Valentine, Havilah wishes all readers, a HAPPY VALENTINE!

P.S. Show some love to all around you and appreciate one another.

Love

Havilah

MAKE 2025 A YEAR OF WALKING IN GOD’S WILL

/ Motunde Dada / Leave a comment

It’s a brand-new year  with great potential, expectations, proclamations, visions and the like. Havilah raises a toast to all of us for crossing over into 2025 and prays for good success, health, upliftment and unwavering blessings for this new year.

During my two weeks break from my PC, I was chilling with friends and family, especially the millennials and genzees visiting Nigeria for “Dirty December” and as I sipped on a glass of white wine, one of the stories caught my attention.

There were three friends who had been friends from their secondary school days through university and beyond – Gbonju, Chima and Uyi. It happened that after graduation Uyi had travelled to the USA and seemed to have stabilised there and frequently sent money to his parents and siblings back at home. He travelled back to contract marriage and during the ceremonies, caught up with his two friends Gbonju and Chima who were already married but finding things difficult in keeping up with responsibilities. He advised them to apply for visas to visit him in the USA – a land he described as “God’s own country.” He promised to help them relocate but advised that they visit without their families to ease the transition, and they could later send for family or bring them over.

About six months after the wedding, Gbonju and Chima were able to secure visitor visas and visited Uyi in the U.S.A and were warmly accommodated at his house. Two weeks down the line, Uyi returned from work and summoned his buddies to a conference. He cleared his throat and started “I am sure you guys enjoy what you’ve seen of the USA so far, but this kind of life must be fuelled by money. We must now think of how you can make your own money to fuel your lifestyle. You know that your visa clearly prevents you from employment so I will introduce you to the ways you can remain here and possibly take on a job.

  1. You can use someone else’s social security number by assuming that person’s identity. Ther usually are persons willing to do this for a fee especially if they are no longer resident in the USA. Are there disadvantages? Certainly, apart from being illegal, the person may already have crimes and /or offences accruing to him.
  2. Engage in an “arranged marriage” with a citizen for a fee and through it obtain a green card.
  3. Apply for asylum claiming fear of persecution back at home.
  4. Legally marry an American citizen.”

Both Gbonju and Chima were silent as they pondered their options and asked for time to deliberate the options. Some two days later, Chima booked his return ticket and bid his friends farewell after an additional week of stay. As far he was concerned, none of the options were agreeable with him and he would rather return home, than do anything illegal or anything that negated his principles. Gbonju on the other hand, decided on option 4 insisting that his preferred option would have been the second option, but he lacked funds to pay for the “service”.

In response to Uyi’s observation that he had obtained his visa on information that he was married, Gbonju decided to procure a “fake” divorce certificate from home. This he did, without conferring with his wife – Gbeke. He felt it was unnecessary as he proposed to divorce his American wife Meredith, after resolving his stay. Unfortunately, things got complicated, and Meredith had a baby boy for Gbonju whereas Gbeke and his two lovely girls remained back home.

After about five years of sojourn in America playing hide and seek with Gbeke, Gbeke obtained a visa to the USA where she came to the stark reality that Gbonju had a legally married wife in the person of Meredith and there was an official divorce record filed regarding her own marriage. Disappointed, she returned home and ultimately remarried.

I took a deep breath and exhaled with a “Whoa! This is profound. So much to learn about how far desperation can lead and the effects of making the wrong choices.” Could Gbonju have fared better? Certainly, yes. Chima was rational in his thinking. Could Gbeke have seen it coming and pre-empted things by visiting along with Gbonju or earlier than she did? Maybe. Nevertheless, as we commence a new year, my advice is that we commit all our plans into God’s hands and keep within the ambits of the Law in whatever we do. The Lord will help us.

Once again…Havilah wishes all my readers a successful 2025!

Love

Havilah

N.B. “Detty December” – Wikipedia defines it as the festive period typically from mid-December through the New Year when many Nigerians including diasporans return home to celebrate and felicitate with family and friends.

CAN KAMALA HARRIS BE THE DEBORAH OF OUR TIME?

/ Motunde Dada / Leave a comment

As the world watches the USA elections with unabated interest, I cannot but wonder how many of us kept awake all night, following the elections. Undoubtedly, this is one election that has generated so much interest around the globe primarily for three reasons:

  1. When Big Brother (the USA) sneezes, the rest of the world catches a cold. Undoubtedly the policies crafted in the United States have a tremendous impact on other countries with ripple effects experienced worldwide. Consequently, everyone is on their seat’s edge, eager to know how things will shape out.
  2. This is probably the most keenly contested race in the history of the United States and the polls rate them at par. It is therefore anyone’s guess as to who emerges as the next President.
  3. If Kamala Harris wins, she will be making history as the FIRST Female President of the United States of America – a monumental win. I dare say, that even if she loses, her courage should be commended, and she would be the second woman to contest and lose in the USA.

While following the elections, my mind played back to a conversation I had with a friend about two decades ago regarding the appropriateness of women for Leadership roles. He believed that women are not cut out to face the pressures of Leadership and that they were created to assist the men with their roles. They could deputise or assist but not lead. After a heated debate, we called a truce as my arguments seemed lost on him. I still hold strongly to my view that even in biblical times, there is the record of a female leader – the only record – but it proves that God is not averse to women in leadership roles. That woman was DEBORAH.

The Bible records that at the time when Judges ruled Israel before they cried out to God for a King like other nations, there was a female Judge and Prophetess called Deborah. She ruled at a time when Israel was under oppression by the Canaanites for twenty years. As a judge, she adjudicated on matters brought to her for settlement and exercised wisdom and knowledge from her relationship with God, in settling disputes. However, she felt compassion for her people and interceded with God for her people. She heard from God and obeyed the instruction to engage the Canaanites in battle. She then sent for the Military Leader – Barak and instructed that he prepare his men for war. Barak feared the Canaanites and insisted he would only go to war if Deborah went with them. She did and prophesied that the victory would lie in the hands of a woman. Israel defeated the Canaanites, and a womancalled Jael, lured and killed the King of the Canaanites. Clearly, Deborah exhibited laudable leadership traits and was rewarded with forty years of peace for the Israelites.

Deborah was visionary – She foresaw challenges and opportunities and crafted plans to achieve positive results.

She was approachable as people sought her out for justice.

She displayed wisdom and knowledge in the dispensation of justice.

She was sensitive in the spirit and obeyed God’s instructions and directions.

She was courageous and confident and did what needed to be done. If the army needed her to go to war, she was not afraid.

She did the needful to achieve the desired results. She worked as a team leader, driving and encouraging the members to achieve the desired goal.

In a world in which men dominate Leadership positions, it appears to be an uphill task for women to break through the ranks of Leadership, but we are not giving up.

Love

Havilah