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CRYING IN THE RAIN

/ Motunde Dada / 3 Comments

Mairo is a pretty, smart, lithe lady with a bubbly, effervescent personality, attracting all manner of people to her – young and old, male, and female. She has a magnetic mien that is difficult to resist. Shafi, her younger sister, on the other hand, is the quintessential opposite – quiet, shy, reserved, plain-looking, and unexciting. Two things, however, stand out about Shafi: her very caring nature and her domestic excellence.

Shafi met BeeJay on her university campus, where she was studying Information Technology while BeeJay was pursuing his master’s degree in business administration. For the first time in her life, Shafi formed a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex. She found in BeeJay someone she could relate to and confide in. Shafi blossomed under their friendship and her grades soared. She became more visible with an added spring to her steps. This was a new Shafi, and her world took on a new dimension, that is, until she introduced BeeJay to her darling sister, Mairo.

Mairo lived in a bustling megacity, an hour’s ride from Shafi’s campus, where she worked with a successful Tech start-up. An excited Shafi invited BeeJay over to Mairo ‘s place, where she usually spent her school vacation and it was an interesting time as Mairo and BeeJay appeared to bond well. A satisfied Shafi was happy that the two dearest and most important people in her life seemed to get along well, and she happily left them to chat while she retreated into the kitchen to do what she did best – whip up a delicious meal for everyone. While in the kitchen, she recalled her anxiety about BeeJay and Mairo getting along. She loved BeeJay, although she had not discussed that with him and as for Mairo, she could do anything for her because she stepped in to fill the void since their mom passed on five years prior.

Little did Shafi know that this meeting would be her undoing and that it would shatter her peace. The meeting sowed the seed of a relationship between BeeJay and Mairo that would eventually lead to a marriage proposal. They were a compatible pair with common interests and values and goals. Mairo recently informed Shafi of the development and their intentions, which have left Shafi devastated. She feels torn apart as she wrestles with her feelings of joy for her sister (after all, BeeJay is the “perfect guy” every woman’s dream man – her sister deserves the best) and her feelings for BeeJay. He was the best thing to have happened to her and even though they had merely remained friends with him encouraging her on life’s journey, she secretly desired and hoped for a deeper relationship. She fantasized about marriage to him. This news from Mairo was indeed heartbreaking and she had scoured the internet for a song that adequately captured her mood and situation. She was listening to the lyrics of CRYING IN THE RAIN by The Everly Brothers and sobbing gently, soaking her pillow with tears, when Mairo sauntered in. Mairo was distraught to see her younger sister so distressed and sought to know the cause of her distress. Mairo refuses to back down, but Shafi is unsure about what to do. How would Mairo react to the truth? Would it put a damper on the relationship between all three of them? Would she be able to get a grip on her feelings for BeeJay? She listens to the last stanza of the song and with a forced smile, sings out to Mairo…”

Someday, when my crying is done,

I’m gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun.

I may be a fool, but till then, darling.

You’ll never see me complain.

I’ll do my crying in the rain.”

Havilah asks – what would you advise Shafi to do?

Love

Havilah

TILL DEATH DO US PART

/ Motunde Dada / 2 Comments

Oyin was having a “pity party” as tears streamed down her cheeks. She was overwhelmed by emotions as so many thoughts crowded her mind, each struggling for expression and recognition. She never would have predicted the events of the past six months when her world fell apart with the diagnosis of a stroke. But that paled in comparison to the recent shock which had devastated and shattered her world.

Oyin loved Suffy to a fault. She had worked hard at her marriage and sacrificed her entire life to ensure that Suffy and their two boys had lived a comfortable life. Suffy had faced challenges in keeping down a job over the years, and Oyin had worked two jobs for the longest time to facilitate their lifestyle as a family. She had virtually broken her back taking on extra jobs and opportunities for the benefit of all. For this, Suffy, the boys, and extended members of their family appeared grateful, and she had basked in that love until now. Six months ago, she suffered a massive stroke, which affected her right side extensively. She had been on the verge of retiring into a relaxed and exciting life. With both boys now done with school and some decent investment, she had thought…now was the time to enjoy life! Unfortunately, the expenses associated with her health condition were taking their toll on available finances, and she was becoming fearful. To her utter disappointment, Suffy’s attitude had exacerbated the situation as he neither made attempts to contribute to her treatment nor assist in sourcing viable options for treatment. Suffy appeared helpless in the situation, and Oyin was left to work out the solutions herself.

Suffy, on his part, was increasingly out most nights for “a night with the boys.” This, he explained, was his placebo for managing the pain and trauma associated with seeing his once vibrant wife, bedridden. Unfortunately, those outings opened up opportunities to meet some ladies, and Suffy was now in a sizzling relationship with Adijat. Suffy had tried to keep the relationship away from Oyin, but one of his friends, Kole, “carelessly” let the cat out of the bag during a telephone conversation he had with Oyin. This brought her to her current state.

“What happened to the vows we took …” in sickness and in health?” Did those words mean anything to Suffy at all, or were they mere words?” Oyin muttered to herself. After all, she had stuck with him when things were rough. She had vowed to stick the marriage out “For richer or poorer” and had done so. It hurt the more because she knew that her current state of health was a direct result of the stress and trauma she underwent just to make Suffy comfortable. Was this how he intended to repay her love? If the tide had turned, she would never have acted the same way. She would have remained steadfastly beside him to comfort and encourage him. If only she had missed Kole’s call, she thought, the adage goes that ignorance is bliss. She would not be hurting now. But then, his betrayal cannot remain hidden forever, she figured and decided to brace herself to see Suffy for who he truly is. The more she thought about it, the more convinced she became that Kole had intentionally passed the information to her, and it was not in error.

Love

Havilah

NADIA

/ Motunde Dada / 1 Comment

While rummaging through some items to which I have been sentimentally attached over the years, I came across the sleeve of a cherished musical album that made waves half a century ago. The South African album – Ipi Tombi! (Did I hear a chuckle…wow, half a century ago?) Well, it got me thinking about one of my favorite songs in the album, titled Nadia. Nadia told the story of a young man who had to leave his village, leaving behind his wife, three children, and aged parents, to seek greener pastures in the city, with the hope of providing them with a better life. It captures the concerns, uncertainties, and cultural shock, but ends on a hopeful note of achieved expectations and a reunification with the family. That was the trigger I needed to recall the common incidence of employee migration and its sometimes-unintended impact on families, resulting in fragmented family lives. Take the case of Boye and Ike.

Boye, married to Linda with two beautiful children in Secondary school, lost his job due to “rightsizing” by his employers, and for two years, try as he may, he couldn’t secure a job. Linda was, however, cooperative in maintaining the home to tide them over the rough patch. In the third year of unemployment, he got a mouth-watering offer in Zambia and proceeded with the intention of long-distance commuting to keep the family unified. This was agreed with Linda, who felt unsure about leaving her lucrative job for the unknown in Zambia and had concerns about the impact on the children’s education. Boye thought he had it all under wraps, and for about a year, everything worked out just fine. Thereafter, the visits home came at longer intervals, and Linda could not make the trip over with the children except at Christmas. Boye attributed the reduced visits to his workload and his work-related responsibilities in other regions. By the time the children gained admission to the university and Linda saw the need to relocate to Zambia, she discovered that he had a daughter through an ongoing relationship in Zambia. Although this was deeply disconcerting to Linda, wise counsel prevailed, and she was able to win back her husband and accept the addition to the family.

Ike, on the other hand, was seconded by his company to serve in their regional office in Egypt. His wife, Morenike, was apprehensive about how the move could affect the family, so she quit her job and insisted that they relocate along with the children. Unfortunately, when she arrived in Egypt, the terrain was difficult for her, and obtaining a job proved impossible. She tried her hand at business enterprises but was equally unsuccessful. The situation put a strain on their relationship at home, resulting in Ike spending less time at home. Before she knew it, she fell into the temptation of having an extramarital relationship. This shattered the core of their relationship, with both parties putting up appearances for the public.

Havilah realises that employee migration is inevitable in a world that is fast becoming a global village, but the pros and cons must be weighed carefully, expectations spelt out and executed, and discipline and restraint exercised. Of course, numerous families have successfully charted the course of employee migration and have reaped its benefits. It, however, could put a strain on marriages and families and must therefore be carefully weighed and agreed upon before embarking on it. There is certainly no “One cap fits all,” and each family must consider their peculiarities before taking such decisions. As we migrate in search of greener pastures, let us bear in mind the words of my favorite piece…” Look at that bright star, always remember under that same star we’ll be together.”

Love

Havilah

SMITING THE LIVING FOUNTAINS

/ Motunde Dada / 2 Comments

A couple of months ago, I was invited to a Community hymn singing in a traditional Anglican Church, and as we sang the hymn, “Father hear the prayer we offer” written by Love M. (Whitcomb) Willis, the wordings of the third stanza caught my attention…”Not forever by still waters do we ask our way to be, BUT WILL SMITE THE LIVING FOUNTAINS FROM THE ROCKS ALONG OUR WAY.” I pondered on what she could have meant. Undoubtedly, this bears a relationship to the biblical miracle in which Moses struck water from a rock for the Israelites in the wilderness. How would that relate to us today? Is it possible to obtain water from a rock? Certainly, there are aquifers which are rocks that contain groundwater and can be accessed through drilling and pumping. However, drilling is hard work so I believe the concept Madam Willis had, was that strenuous effort will be applied to achieve the goal. As the concept became clearer, the life of Satu played before me.

Satu, is the only child of a widowed mother who had struggled hard in their little village to give her an education. However, she could not finish her secondary school education as a result of lack of funds, so she was given out in marriage at the earliest possible time. Her husband worked as a Cordwainer (shoemaker) with one of the shoe manufacturing outlets in the city. In the city, young Satu enrolled with the famous Pitman’s College for secretarial studies, specialising at the time in typing and shorthand. Armed with certification, she located an employer who typed on a busy street and was agreeable to a sharing ratio on jobs she executed. Satu was enthused and put in her best as she strove to augment the young family of four’s expenses. One fateful day, fortune smiled on her as she typed. She was approached by a bank official who had observed and admired her diligence from afar. He observed her as he took his lunch every day at an eatery down the road from where Satu operated. The officer was saddled with the responsibility of recruiting contract labour to type certain documents on a one-off basis. Needless to say, Satu impressed the bank and when they needed to recruit a permanent staff, she was given the opportunity.

Immediately Satu got her foot in the door, her determination and doggedness to succeed and offer her children a much brighter opportunity than she had experienced, took root and she did all necessary examinations, culminating in an admission to read Law on a part-time basis in one of the prestigious universities in the city. She plodded through the challenges of balancing work, home and school and graduated without any carryovers or delays. One would have expected Satu to relax, after all, she earned a reasonable income and was able to single-handedly educate her children to university level, but not so with Satu. She was insatiable. She set her sights on becoming  a professional. After her children were through with their university education, Satu attended the Law School and was called to the country’s bar. Did she stop…No. Satu went on to train as a Chartered administrator and so after retirement, the little village girl has expanded her horizon, lives on her own property in the city, runs a thriving practice, and visits her children and grandchildren who are currently in the diaspora.

Her story is indeed one huge success story born out of God’s favour and grace, coupled with a determination backed by positive action toward achieving her goal.

Back to Ms. Willis hymn, we can and should be encouraged to smite the living fountains from the rocks along our way. May the Lord grant us empowerment to fulfil our dreams.

Love

Havilah