These are times when people’s mental health comes under stress as a result of prevailing socio-economic conditions all around the globe and women in particular, must learn to guard their mental state jealously. Depression is gaining ground, and we must be conscious and deliberate about maintaining a balance.

I accompanied an acquaintance to a mental institution recently, for her outpatient appointment, in treating her bipolar disorder. While in the waiting room, she introduced me to two other ladies with similar conditions…psychosis and depression. They were both willing to share the circumstances that precipitated their conditions.

Dabira, a sophisticated, widowed, upwardly mobile mother of three, was the first to take the plunge. “Havilah,” she started. “I was living a beautiful life with my late husband, oblivious that I was walking on a precipice until about five years ago when he became suddenly ill and died shortly after that. It was on his sick bed he confided in me about his HIV status which had been positive for over five years at the time. Little did I know that he had been on retroviral drugs although he had insisted on protected sex after the birth of Diran, our third child. His excuse had always been that we could not afford any “accidental pregnancy.” You can only imagine my shock! Bolade became so ill he could not keep a job and I almost ran mental raising the necessary funds for his treatment and medication for complications arising from his HIV status. I took on two jobs and sold practically everything we had while caring for three young children between the ages of five and seven. Despite everything, he still passed, and I had to pick up the pieces practically from zero. It was tough but God has seen me through. However, I sacrificed my mental state because of the trauma and stress I experienced. Initially, I could not keep down any jobs because of my severe mood swings but I have however been able to keep things under control with medication and counseling sessions. I had felt betrayed, but I had to salvage the situation by giving him the required support at the time. Anyway, I have put it all behind me and looking up to God, the author and finisher of my faith. Two of the children are now in Secondary school and the family is doing great.”

For Tarenabo, also a widow, she had narrowly missed being jailed for the death of her husband. Tare had been in an abusive marriage where she was brutally and physically abused regularly. One night, during such a session, she had summoned the strength to push her husband away and unfortunately, he careened head-first into the sliding doors of their living room. He had a cut on his forehead, but she decided to flee for her life, she hurriedly unlocked the door to the flat, ran barefoot, and took refuge at her friend’s house about five hundred metres away. By the time she returned home in the morning in the company of her friend and her husband, they found her husband’s body splayed on the floor by the broken glass. They rushed him to the hospital, but he gave up the ghost shortly after arriving at the hospital. Tarenabo was disconcerted and distraught as his death remained on her conscience, but her situation was only worsened by the reaction of her in-laws to the news of her husband’s death. They blamed her and sued her for murder with the hope that she would be jailed. Luckily, her plea of Self-defence was accepted by the court, and she was discharged and acquitted but she had to live with both the guilt that he died because of her reaction and the stigma thereto attached. At the time of the incident, she was four months pregnant. She constantly worried about what she would say to her son when he was old enough to inquire about his father.

Undoubtedly, the circumstances that traumatise and strain the mind thus putting a strain on our mental health are as varied and diverse as our faces, but one fact stands out, we must learn to guard our mental health jealously and decompress periodically, turning all our burdens over to God. We must enjoy healthy living and learn to take life less seriously. May the Lord give us the wisdom required in managing this delicate balance. Amen.

Love

Havilah