family

Love Conquers All: The Enduring Strength of Love

/ Motunde Dada / 1 Comment

Love is a force unlike any other. It transcends time, space, and even the boundaries of human understanding. Throughout history, love has been the cornerstone of countless stories, the driving force behind monumental achievements, and the soothing balm for the deepest wounds. The phrase “Love Conquers All” is not merely a poetic expression; it is a testament to the boundless power and resilience of love.

Take the story of Fatou and Garo. Fatou is a beautiful Guinean woman of mixed descent (a Guinean father and an Indian mother) while. Garo (also of mixed descent is born of a Ghanaian mother and fathered by a Lebanese dad. They met in the United States of America while undergoing post graduate studies and immediately Garo saw Fatou, it was love at first sight. He never let her out of his sight and would chaperone her wherever she went. The love birds quickly agreed on marriage and given their mixed background and enlightened parents; they envisaged that it would be a smooth sail with both sets of parents.

Garo was stunned when he approached Fatou’s father Ousmane with the marriage proposal and got a flat “No…it won’t happen.” Fatou enlisted her father’s siblings to reason things out with him, yet he remained adamant. His reason – I cannot allow my only daughter, my priceless jewel to go through the frustrations of a strange culture and customs.” All attempts at convincing him that she would adapt, fell on deaf ears and since she was desirous of her father’s blessings, she decided to delay the wedding while putting pressure through extended members of the family and his friends. Ousmane informed all who approached him on the subject that he had experienced similar circumstances when Sara (Fatou’s mother and his childhood sweetheart) was to have married him. Sara had gone ahead to have Fatou as evidence of their love but had been prevented from marrying him. He never got over the pain.

Garo was however optimistic that Fatou would not have adaptational challenges, citing the thriving marriage his parents experience as a testimony, theirs would work. Afterall, he concluded “Love conquers all things.” Ousman eventually succumbed to the pressure and five years on, he says “Fatou’s marriage to Garo has been a blessing to our family. My daughter is happy and fulfilled and the union has blessed me with two adorable grandchildren. I am indeed happy.”

Havilah quips…the world is increasingly becoming a global village with boundaries constantly obliterated. Even the English lexicon now incorporates words from various parts of the world including Africa. It is gratifying to see words like “okada”,  “gist”,  “fanimorous”, “adinkra”, “babalawo”, “bukka”, “boma”, ”djembe”, “hakuna matata” and the like in the Oxford English Dictionary and Wikipedia.

In a world that can sometimes feel divided and uncertain, love stands as a testament to the enduring power of human connection. It is a force that transcends boundaries, heals wounds and inspires change. The phrase “Love Conquers All” serves as a reminder of the limitless potential of love to transform our lives and the world around us.

Love

Havilah

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

/ Motunde Dada / Leave a comment

As I walked out of the shopping mall, deep in thought because I came away with nothing because everything, I picked had price tags that did not make sense to me, my thoughts were interrupted by the security men’s “Seasons Greetings!”

Immediately, my mind switched gears to the reality that we are indeed in the “holiday season.” What will it mean to us this year? Harsh economic realities worldwide, insecurity, rumours of war…the list goes on. For the adult, there is nothing happy about this season except the fact that God sent his only begotten son to give us Salvation and we are alive despite the odds. However, how do you explain to the children who are looking forward to the holidays and Christmas in particular, that these are peculiar times? I thought of my neighbour’s children who are so looking forward to the Holiday Season and then it struck me…children are easily excited. A treat does not necessitate Eateries and the like. Some simple things work for them as they can be highly creative about play. Some of the thoughts I have are shared here.

  1. Take them anywhere safe with plenty of space e.g. parks etc. They like to run around, play ball, and other games like catchers, rats and rabbits, and anything that will exhaust them.
  2. Bonding time with parents telling stories and folk tales, especially those accompanied by memorable songs. Passing down some skills like baking, carpentry, mosaic pictures, paper mâché models, knitting, artwork, beading, etc.
  3. A change of environment e.g. visiting grandparents, spending time with cousins and close relations, a trip to some of the “places of interest” or tourist attractions in your environment. Places like Museums, Airports, Sea ports, Train stations, Amusement Parks, Mountain ranges, Springs, etc. This could be both a learning experience and relaxation for them. Even a visit to a mall or shopping area they have never been. Parents who are not Thalassophobic or aquaphobic (afraid of large bodies of water) may take them to the lake or beachfront around where you live on a picnic with packed food, drinks, playthings and games like board games, cards, buckets, boomerangs, etc.
  4. Preparing specialty dishes that they love at home rather than taking them to an eatery. Involving them in the preparation e.g. fried rice, doughnuts /puff puff, meat pies, chin-chin etc. Making them part of the preparation gives them some excitement.

If the family can afford it, at least one of the parents should take some time off at this period, to spend the much-needed time with the children. These are times that demand that one puts on their thinking cap and display creativity, to ensure the children have an enjoyable time regardless of the challenging times. The season must be planned ahead to make the most of it which is why I think this is the right time for this discussion.

Usually, various religious and corporate bodies also have arrangements for children during the festive season in the form of fairs, parties, and picnics, so parents should be on the lookout for such freebies for their children.

I want to wish all parents, grandparents, and children especially….”HAPPY HOLIDAYS.” Importantly though, please incorporate thoughts and activities for the reason for the season!

Love

Havilah

THE PROCREATION CHALLENGE

/ Motunde Dada / 1 Comment

Jokotade was full of excitement as preparations were in full gear for the naming ceremony of her precious jewel who was fast asleep in her crib in the next room. As she hurriedly ticked off her to-do list, while keeping her ears open for the slightest sound from the next room, she secretly thanked God for answering prayers in gifting her with a girl for her first child.

Just then, the front door opened and Detola (her favorite cousin) swayed in from work with a bag of baby clothes for her niece who she had already named Morenikeji. As she exchanged pleasantries with Jokotade, they heard Jokotade‘s mum’s voice ring out from the kitchen.    “Joko, it is good to see you as always. You always have your sister’s back. I am sure you have brought more things for your niece. Well done. I hope the day was not too stressful. But Detola, when will you give Dimeji a baby sister? Your son is already five or is it six years old? What are you waiting for?” Detola walked up to Aunty and gave her a wry smile. She had been under so much pressure lately from all quarters, on this subject matter.

“Aunty dearest (she replied). I am awaiting your retirement from work first so that I am assured of an experienced baby carer/sitter. You know your sister does not have the time either. On a more serious note”, she continued, as she dragged a seat,” I will give you four simple reasons why that is not a priority Aunty:

  1. I got married in my mid-thirties and had a difficult pregnancy with Dimeji.
  2. The prevailing economic climate does not encourage bearing many children. One must be mindful of pocket as living expenses and education do not come cheap.
  3. At forty, my energy levels are much reduced. I am not sure I can manage the sleepless nights, and the toll child-rearing takes.
  4. There is a dearth of capable assistance. Trusted nannies and home help are fast on the decline and our mothers are still pretty much actively engaged. To whom do we entrust the babies? Thank God for CCTVs, we can see records of what some of these home assistants get up to with children entrusted to their care.
  5. I have a boss who constantly asks whether children can be used as loan collateral. Undoubtedly, they make one feel fulfilled in marriage but, one must exercise prudence in knowing the number one can reasonably manage. “

Jokotade’s views are representative of the younger generation’s perspective on having children. However, I believe that you do not have a one-cap-fits-all solution. The Bible encourages us to “be fruitful and multiply” but one must apply wisdom and prudence. Some rumination must be done putting the following into perspective –

  1. Your motivation for children. Is it to satisfy the world, to show them off, etc?
  2. How do you wish to be identified? A physical mother or would you be satisfied with spiritual children or as a mentor to many?
  3. You must understand your limitations and take cognisance of them, be they financial, time constraints, inadequate energy, or other resources.
  4. How will multiple children impact other relationships e.g. God, your spouse, work, etc?

I end this with a quote culled from PRACTICAL OUTWORKING by Amanda Peacock “Some women struggle with infertility and postpartum depression while others fall pregnant instantly sailing through pregnancy and motherhood. Some have multiple children and are not overwhelmed by it all. We are all different and our families, are different. Wise womanhood means knowing our motivation, identity, limitations, primary function as a wife, and most importantly that our God is sovereign over the good blessing of children.”

Love

Havilah