Relationships are always a slippery terrain often fraught with challenges. Such challenges are usually shared with third parties usually with the intent to resolve conflict or disagreements or simply have some sense of relief from unburdening. Four ladies share their experiences regarding sharing their challenges with third parties outside of their “significant other”. The results are subject to your evaluation. Please read and learn.

Amy, gained admission to study a Master’s course in a city away from her fiancé, Kenny and proceeded, cautious of any entanglement that could jeopardise her relationship with Kenny. She knew herself to be friendly and engaging but she often placed a lid on platonic friendships especially with members of the opposite sex as she recognised that her fiancé was severely possessive and jealous. She, however, forged a platonic friendship with Michael who was a course mate and very helpful is assisting her to settle down in the new city. She did not hesitate to inform Kenny and keep him in the loop regarding her interactions with Michael, purely to keep his mind at rest. In that vein, she shared some of the pictures her tutorial class had taken at a picnic event with Kenny who was rather sullen and upset about it. Amy was devastated at Kenny’s reaction and blurted the surrounding incident to Michael who lent her a listening ear. Shortly after, Michael became her confidant and sounding board on issues relating to Kenny. Gradually, the bond grew and by graduation, a previously resolute Amy, was now confused as to whether to ditch Kenny for Michael or stick to her earlier promise.

Oluta on the other hand was married to Sokari until the marriage was shattered as a result of bad advice from her closest friend and confidant – her mom. Her incessant squabbles and quarrels with Sokari had formed the bedrock of her daily conversations with her mother who constantly urged her to stand up to her husband and even her scores whenever there was an argument. She constantly reminded her of the raw deal she had in the hands of Oluta’s father because she was the obedient submissive wife who never challenged anything he did. Even then, he had cheated on her with her best friend and married her friend as a second wife.

Ori on her part applauds the intervention of her mother in her marriage. She sees it as the saving grace her marriage needed. She explains…” I thought I couldn’t go on with all of Medu’s shenanigans. He was manipulative, dishonest and overbearing but each time I complained to my mother’s ever-listening ear, she gave me advice that would always calm the storm. Today, I enjoy a very happy relationship with my spouse who sees me as the “best thing” that could have happened to him. Thanks to my mom. Incidentally, before I turned to my mother for counsel, I had approached a Deaconess in our church whom I saw as a mother figure but things only worsened as Medu would always react negatively to being chastised by the Deaconess”.

Felicia places on record that she has had one consistent, constant, unchanging and unfailing confidant in her 15 years of marriage and the marriage has been blissful. She starts by stating “Right from the inception of our marriage, Felix insisted that whatever happens in it must stay between us. No third-party intervention would be entertained as any such intervention would form the basis of things falling apart. Initially, this seemed like a Herculean task until I found the answer…I would invite the Triune God into the marriage. I developed a habit of taking all challenges, disagreements, and issues to God in prayer. His ears are ever open to hear me and after pouring out my heart I always encounter peace, good counsel and the strength to carry on. Burdens and cares are lifted and nothing weighs me down. This also positively impacts my husband and our relationship. My motto, therefore, is that there is only one party worth inviting into your relationship and he is the only one that can stabilise it. That party is God”.

The challenges associated with marriage sometimes make it attractive to pour out one’s heart and receive both some level of relief and counsel while doing so. However, is it a prudent thing to do? While spilling out your heart to anyone you can never discern what that party is likely to do with the information and to what purpose his/her counsel is targeted. Will the information be spread to mock you, to engender sympathy on your behalf, to exploit the exposed cracks in your relationship, etc? The heart of man is deep, who can fathom it? Havilah advises that the much-needed relief, release and counsel can come from God alone because he knows all things and the personalities of the couples are exposed to him. Always cast your cares and burdens upon him.



2 thoughts on “THE CONFIDANT

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