The Quads (Satu, Abby, Prisca and Sumbo) as they were fondly called met at their favorite Bistro – The Duchess for their monthly rendez- vous to let down their hair as well as let off steam. “I am so angry!” seethed Abby, as she sipped her cold lemonade. The reason for her anger? Hassan, her husband, had just put an end to her plans to travel to Mauritius with her friends on a pre-planned vacation. The painful part she explains is that “I carried him along on the plans regarding the vacation right from the outset, but he waited until today to thwart it with his instruction that I go NOWHERE and if I dare disobey, I do not return to our home. Can you imagine after I have expended my hard-earned savings on the return ticket, hotel accommodation and event bookings for which I may not be fully refunded? I was so looking forward to this vacation with you girls, “she pouted. “He knows I have always wanted to explore Mauritius; traveling is not his thing but it is mine”.

Abby responds with “Men are such killjoys. My pain with Ropo is his insensitivity to my pressures. I work so hard and then I get home and it is all work, work, work while he puts his legs up watching the sports channel on TV all evening and all weekend. He never gives a helping hand. It can be so frustrating and overwhelming coping with everything including the children, alone. I felt so frustrated the other day that I actually referred to him as a selfish and unthinking piece of furniture who viewed me as a slave.”

“My God” Prisca cut in “Whoa…that was too caustic Abby! You really need to watch your mouth girl and control your temper. Possibly, a gentler approach could achieve the desired result of engendering his assistance.”

Sumbo, the most mature of the quads sighed and rounded up the conversation with a refreshing perspective on the topic. “Marriage (she said) is a game changer that involves the unification of two individuals from divergent backgrounds orientations and experiences, often sporting different personality traits. Both parties, to enable the marriage to work, make sacrifices and put effort into understanding one another and ask God for the grace to “master self and temper, how to make their conduct fair, when to speak and when be silent, when to do and when forbear.” She continued “To achieve utopia in marriage, help must be solicited from God regarding endowment of patience and wisdom. The key to receiving from God is developing a personal relationship with God which fuels communication with him. Mind you, no two marriages are the same and there is no blueprint for marriage, so you must each chart your individual courses. It certainly helps to recognise the good in your spouse, he cannot be all “bad news”. Appreciate him and count your blessings. That way, the bad becomes less obvious and with time becomes bearable. You are meant to complement each other.”

She continues “Since I started seeing marriage through the prism I described, I experience peace and exhibit the fruits of the spirit such as joy, love, patience, gentleness, self-control, and the like. You have always known me to be impulsive and quick to act while Segun (my better half) is the more cautious and deliberate one. I remember when I was approached by my current employer who was head hunting for an experienced hand in alternative energy policies, my immediate reaction was to express disinterest in the position especially as I felt comfortable with my then employers.     Thank God for Segun who advised that I request time to consider the slot and give it a shot. The rest, we all know is history as it turned out to be the best career move, I have made so far. Listening to his advice has been impactful in our lives although I had previously criticized him as being slow to act.”

She adds, “That said, Abby, you could do with exhibiting restraint in your outbursts and following Prisca’s advice. For you Satu, while Hassan’s actions are indeed painful, try to understand his reason for the decision taken by engaging him in discussion and if it cannot be understood, hand it over to the Lord in prayer.”

Love

Havilah