Inemi was taking a brisk walk down a busy street in her neighbourhood to pick up some fruits for her breakfast when she walked past a sight that caught her attention. There was a young man whose age she would place in the mid to late thirties, perched casually on a stool by the side of the road watching passersby. His eyes however fastened on a very pretty girl of about the age of six as she walked in the company of an older sibling to school. He practically drooled as the lust in his eyes was palpable and he seemed to shift in his pants. Inemi could feel the bile rise in her as she viewed him with disgust and could not help reprimanding him for staring after the little girl. Her mind quickly did a replay of what had happened about ten years prior, to her darling daughter – Ebiere.

Inemi had sent for her younger brother, Diepreye, from the village to join her in the city after high school, in order to give him the opportunity to work while awaiting admission into the University. He had immediately taken interest in her daughter Ebiere who was 8 years old at the time and soon became fond of her little uncle. She had thought nothing of the mutual fondness until Diepreye had to leave for the University in another city. Ebiere wept her heart out and refused to eat for days. Inemi was so disturbed that she decided to take Ebiere to a child psychologist. After two sessions, the cause of the distress was unfolded. Diepreye had introduced Ebiere to some sexual pleasures for which he spoiled her with chocolates and other things. She not only missed the gifts but had started enjoying the sensual feeling she derived from his actions. She had to put her young daughter through therapy and was always watchful around her until she felt confident that she had overcome the trauma.

She had also been forced to excommunicate Diepreye from her immediate family but not until she had confronted him about the situation. He of course denied having any sexual attraction to his niece how much more indulging in sexually suggestive actions with her. However, when he was threatened with swearing before the village shrine, he immediately fell on his knees and confessed his actions. Inemi sent him back to the village and initially demurred to paying his university fees but later relented on the decision. She then agreed to sponsor his education but insisted that he keep his distance from her home. This of course had raised a lot of brouhaha in the village as her action was viewed by some as justifiable while others felt she overreacted. All this happened 10 years ago and both Ebiere and Inemi had since moved past that. Inemi could not however get over the venom that flowed from Ebiere’s father – Obu, who had since refused to visit her family in the village.

This recent incident got her thinking – there is a lot of sympathy and outrage for victims of paedophiles but very little understanding as to why paedophiles exist. She decided to venture into understanding the causes of paedophilia, the telltale signs at an early stage and what can be done to restrain them or curtail their activities.

Paedophilia is a psychiatric/psychological disorder for which there appears to be no known cure. It is however believed that most paedophiles are themselves victims of childhood trauma whether sexual or otherwise. While most reported or discussed cases involve female children, males can also be victims of paedophiles. Both males and females can suffer from the disorder although it appears to be more prevalent in men.

Havilah’s advice to parents is to be watchful as paedophiles exist everywhere…in school environments, in the family, among aides and caregivers, even friends. The Mental Health Centre of America lists the following as some of their characteristics:

Preference for the company of children and popular with them.

“Grooms” children with quality time, parties, candy, gifts toys etc.

Singles out children who seem troubled and in need of attention or affection.

Rarely forces or coerces a child into sexual contact but rather by developing trust and friendship.

Derives gratification in several ways from looking to watching children undress to physical contact.

They prefer jobs or pastimes that give them greater access to children.

Parents, grandparents, and guardians should always be watchful of their children and be very observant of their children to enable them to pick up any changes in character. May the Lord help us all.

Love

Havilah