Dumebi and Sotonye Harry, a beautiful couple in their seventies, were seated together reviewing their past and reminiscing about the memories shared over time. Without a cue, Dumebi’s thoughts shifted to their present realities even as she wondered about the future. Dumebi, fit and agile with her reasoning faculties very much in place, has been the main support for her husband in the past two years since being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. Their four children have all dispersed abroad, in search of greener pastures and although the internet has made communication easier, she misses their physical presence. These days, the cost of living has escalated, and given that Dumebi has stopped driving coupled with Sotonye’s health status, she has had to review their lifestyle. She sees no need for maintaining a driver since outings are limited to the occasional social activity and Doctor’s appointments. She does most of her shopping close to home and uses the opportunity to exercise her legs and do some strength training carrying the grocery bags. She however has a trusted housekeeper, Mope,  who makes their meals and tidies up the house. Dumebi’s thoughts gravitate to how to cope during Mope’s planned three-month absence. She has to travel to another city to babysit her grandchildren as her daughter had just undergone surgery. Hmm…she realises the need to start thinking futuristically especially as Mope would have to leave someday.

Her thoughts drift to her bosom friend Maudeline and her recent experience regarding domestics. Maudeline returned home after a prolonged overseas trip with her husband and employed a new set of domestics through an agency. They were saved from sudden death by poison when the housekeeper reported to her madam (Maudeline) that she observed some suspicious activity on the part of the chef as she caught him administering some unidentifiable powder to their food after preparation. Maudeline, acting on the information, decided to feed their dog with a small amount of the food on the excuse that they had already eaten out. Shortly after, the dog displayed signs of weakness and ill health and was rushed to the Vet who confirmed poisoning. Needless to say, by the time Maudeline and her husband returned home, the Chef had absconded. The matter was reported to both the agency and police, but the Chef was yet to be found. Her thoughts return to her situation…she is becoming forgetful and increasingly incapable of coordinating the household…keeping tabs on the fuel position for the car and generator, juggling meals, keeping up with doctor’s and Specialist appointments, tracking bill payments, repairs and maintenance, and in general, ensuring the smooth running of the home. She would certainly need a capable hand or institution to run her affairs. While she feels assured that the children could adequately manage the financial implications, she worries about the administration especially as Sotonye is clearly incapacitated and unable to assist.

Suddenly, she remembers meeting a lady at a social event who runs a caregiving outfit and had marketed both their home care services and institutionalised live-in care for the elderly to her. She gives it some consideration and thought especially with the increasing wave of crime in the country and the heightened vulnerability of the elderly. She calls her friend Azuka and decides to sound her out on the idea of institutionalized live-in care for later years when it might prove difficult, to live on one’s own. Azuka’s response was “tufiakwa heaven forbid it! It is alien to our culture – an old people’s home? People will ask why your children cannot take care of you. Please banish the thought, my dear friend.”

Havilah is of the opinion that much as the concept of institutionalised live-in facilities for the elderly is a concept alien to the African culture, one must not ignore the emerging trend where a majority of the baby boom generation, have their children residing abroad and there is an increasing dearth of reliable assistance. Consequently, there is an emerging need for such Institutions to bridge the gap and ensure that the elderly are well taken care of and live relatively fulfilled, comfortable, and happy lives. Undoubtedly, as with everything in life, there are pros and cons and not everyone is fitted to the situation. However, it is important that while the aging still have the capacity to make decisions concerning their lives, this is one critical area that requires deliberation – what happens to me when I am no longer able to be in control of my life? Will I move from child to child, live with a particular one, or??? May the Lord help us to make the right decisions.

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL SENIORS DAY to all my “senior” audience! – August 21

Love

Havilah