Edwina was a young, pretty and intelligent girl of nineteen, who passed her Secondary School Certificate with flying colours but could not continue her education as a result of a lack of sponsorship. Her parents were farmers in the village and Edwina was constrained to assist them in their palm oil trade. That December, Ikemefuna, a young man from their town who lived “in the abroad” as he was often described, came home (to the village) to celebrate Christmas and ran into Edwina who was running an errand for her father, it was love at first sight.

First, a few words about Ikemefuna: he was a young man in his late thirties who had left his town in search of greener pastures “in the abroad” some seven years before. He had done odd jobs, married a citizen, had a daughter, and had recently divorced his wife. He had come home for the Christmas celebrations with the primary motive of searching for a wife.  Immediately he set his eyes on Edwina, he decided…this is SHE! He proposed to her and shortly after the traditional marriage rites were performed and Edwina became Ikemefuna’s wife. However, in her naivety, Edwina omitted to inquire more deeply about her husband but was both excited at being married and more importantly, at the prospects of travel.

After about a year, all immigration formalities concluded, Edwina was able to join her husband who having recognised her promise, worked hard to sponsor her education. Edwina studied programming and ended up in one of the “Tech” companies where she quickly ascended the corporate ladder. She was earning mega dollars while Ikemefuna was still doing odd jobs to make a living for his family. Initially, Edwina would fund the joint account with Ikemefuna for the family’s expenses but after a while, her tastes and expectations were different, and she furnished a lavish lifestyle from a different personal account. All attempts to restrain Edwina and maintain his authority as head of his home which now comprised two sons and his daughter from the previous marriage, failed. He became emasculated and frustrated. He regretted the marriage and hated who she had become. He became depressed and was on anti-depressants until one day, he decided he would end it all.

As Edwina dressed up to attend an office event one evening, Ikemefuna approached her room and insisted that as her husband, he was demanding that she should not attend the event. Edwina merely laughed him in the face and dared him to stop her if he could. An enraged Ikemefuna calmly walked into his room, pulled out his gun, and shot her three times from behind. By the time the children rushed out of their rooms to find out what was happening, he had shot himself also. They found their mother and father on the ground with so much blood. They called for both the police and ambulance. The medics were able to resuscitate Ikemefuna, but Edwina was dead on arrival. Of course, Ikemefuna paid for his crime as he was sentenced to jail for premeditated murder and the children taken over by social welfare. Could this disaster have been avoided, I would say – YES.

Similar scenes appear to play out every day and it appears we never learn from them.

1. Wisdom dictates dating for a while to have some background knowledge about an intended spouse and to better understand their character.
2. Spouses should seek mutual improvement and upliftment and not rely on one partner to be the “sole” provider. It can be tedious.
3. They should see themselves as equal partners in the relationship with each bringing something to the family relationship.
4. They should submit one to another in love regardless of inequality in social status, income, or enlightenment.
5. Where irreconcilable differences exist, it is preferable to have a separation or even divorce.
6. Most importantly, the need to have God in the centre of a marriage must NEVER be overlooked and to seek Godly counsel when unsure.

May the Lord help our unions even as we lay them in His hands and grant us the patience to allow Him to handle things. Amen.

Love

Havilah