Cyril was one of those young, suave, upwardly mobile executives who frequently visited the University campus close to his residence, in search of a suitable “wife material.” During one of such visits, he met Vera as she took a break from her research in the library and headed to her hostel in search of a snack. Cyril was swayed by her beauty and calmness as she chatted with Shalewa, her roommate. Cyril approached her, pretending he intended to request her services in checking on a girlfriend whose number he had lost. As he tried so hard to describe his imaginary friend whom he named Bella, it suddenly dawned on Vera that there was no Bella, and she could not contain her amusement as she chirped brightly,” You sure got me there.” The ice was broken, and in no time, their relationship blossomed, and it was agreed that immediately after her graduation, the marriage would take place.

Two and a half years later, they were married, and Cyril proved to be the typical Alpha male. He was successful in his career and proudly played the part of breadwinner. He left no stone unturned to fund their lifestyle while dictating everything that needed to be done. Vera, on her part, was glad to cede all responsibility to him, especially since the disparity in their incomes was huge. However, with time, Vera landed a job with a multinational company and was earning hard currency. Her job took her around the globe, and she became increasingly relevant in her field. The green-eyed monster started creeping into the relationship as Cyril found himself losing grip. She could afford things, and even when she deferred to him on issues, he counted her as condescending. She was no longer his sweet, naïve Vera who waited at his beck and call for instructions. She was certainly more visible in social circles, and when they attended functions, greater attention was paid to her. It made him feel emasculated, and even though she tried so hard to make him feel desired, relevant, and wanted, his ego always got in the way. With the increased friction at home, Vera paid even greater attention to her career, and it was a no-brainer that Cyril started harboring suspicions that his wife was having relationships in and around her workspace. How else could she have risen so rapidly at work? Was she the only one who could swing the deals she cornered? How was she achieving so much and doing so well? He doubted that it was merely by effort and God’s favour. Yes, she was ardent about her faith and prayerfully managed her responsibilities, but then…

He decided he would burst her bubble, and as Vera returned from a phenomenally successful tour of her sub-region, he told her she would have to quit her job and that he could afford to take care of all the needs of the home. He insisted that if she needed to work, she could get a job that would keep her at home and less visible. Vera was stunned as she could not believe he would do such a thing. How could he? She was at the prime of her career, and life was interesting. It certainly did not make sense to resign now. She, however, cherished her status as a married woman because it put some of her male admirers in check, and she wanted it to stay that way. She could not believe that the madam “fix it” at work was now at her wits’ end on how to manage this situation.

If Vera sought your advice, what would you say? Havilah would be glad to read from you, proposed solutions on this thorny issue. I am all ears, or should I say – eyes.

Love

Havilah