Four friends in their sixties usually schedule a day each week to have a Ladies’ day out for the purpose of de-stressing and catching up. Today, Prinye, Eno, Hauwa and Bimbo have decided to sample the services of the newly opened spa at the shopping mall close to them. As they approach the entrance to the mall, Prinye exclaims pointing excitedly “Oh my gosh…that is the store with the latest sex toys in town. I’ve read rave reviews about them! I need to check them out to pick up some new toys for myself and Diete (my husband)”.
The other ladies gasp and Bimbo is the first to find her voice. She exclaims in shock – “ Wait a minute Prinye, you can’t be serious. What would you be doing with sex toys at our age? Surely the desire for sex has waned with menopause”.
“No way”, Eno quickly responds. She then continues – “ Libido or sex drive has very little to do with age or menopause. It has a lot more to do with the individual make – up and dynamics. Both Femi and I are still very sexually active. Now that I have fewer distractions, we spend a lot more time together and invariably, I enjoy our lovemaking”. She then throws a banter at Bimbo – “Sweetheart, it’s time to find a companion to keep you warm in old age, afterall, Rex passed on a while ago and the children are all grown up now”.
Hauwa in her quiet voice clears her throat and declares – “Sisters since we are discussing this topic, it is one on which I need advice. In recent times there has been a decline in sexual activity between Buba and myself, both in terms of frequency and quality. We are both enthusiastic about sex but I observe he tends to ejaculate prematurely. It’s like I am gearing up for the climax and suddenly it is over. I have often been tempted to complete the process by masturbating but don’t just feel good about it. We’ve run medical tests, and tried counseling but… it’s always over for him before it started for me”.
Prinye responds “Trust me, our sexual health is an important part of aging gracefully. Bimbo dear, I don’t believe the myth that the sex drive declines as a result of menopause. Undoubtedly, some physiological changes occur but these can be managed clinically with medication and exercise. That shouldn’t affect how you feel about your partner and a healthy sex appetite can still be maintained. I observe that sex toys add a certain novelty and excitement to the act and help with the stimulation of the organs. This is more so when both partners use them together”.
Hauwa exclaims “ Sounds like a possible solution to my problem with Buba, Prinye, which ones do you recommend?”
Prinye advises that Hauwa seek the services of a Sex Therapist in conjunction with Buba, for professional advice in handling their challenges and for possible consultation on sex toys if and when advised. She insists that Sexual dissatisfaction in marriage can precipitate disloyalty/unfaithfulness in marriage and could culminate in a direct or indirect reason for divorce.
Bimbo ends the conversation with the last word – “My tuppence contribution to this topic is this. Is there a distinction between masturbation and the use of sex toys? I think not. If the answer is no, then I feel morally and spiritually uncomfortable with any form of masturbation by whatever name it is called”.
Prinye picks her desired toy in silence and they all move on to a relaxing time at the spa with Hauwa urgently surfing the internet for a credible sex therapist to discuss her sexual issues with.
Havilah: Undoubtedly, sex toys are fast gaining ground in our societies and are no longer discussed in hushed tones. The questions begging for answers are:
Can the use of sex toys be considered a panacea or a placebo for libido issues?
Is the use of Sex toys tantamount to Masturbation?
What views are expressed by the major religions on this?
Your feedback will be much appreciated.
P.S. The term – “the Other room” is borrowed from the vocabulary of the Head of State of a prominent nation in Africa, who upon interrogation regarding the role of his wife in the scheme of things, relegated her role to the kitchen and suggestively, “the other room”.
5 thoughts on “SENIORS AND “THE OTHER ROOM”.”
The issue of sexuality for seniors often transcends mere issues of libido and desire. There are often more basic issues such as health concerns related to aging eg menopausal changes, heart issues, diabetes, arthritis etc. Relationship issues are also culprit. Instead of using sex toys and other artificial stimulants which actually tantamount to masturbation which is physically and emotionally unhealthy, my advice would be to address the basic issues in order to have a more fulfilling and lasting solution.
Thank you for the advice ma. I believe what i hear is…Health concerns are real and should be addressed head on instead of looking for “superficial solutions”.
Exactly. Also Don’t forget relationship issues whereby couples lose affection and drift apart due to unresolved issues that need to be addressed and resolved. Forgiveness is key
Pastor Abolade A.: Definitely, sex toys is a tool used for self masturbation. In the Bible it is one of the behavior termed… uncleanness within that scriptures Called the work of the flesh in Galatians 5:19
So morally and scripturally, masturbation is sin
Coming to sexual health and vitality, happiness among senior couples in marriage…The goal should be to have a wonderful sex relationship with your spouse until health/physiologically wise, one is not able.
Finding solutions to premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and other factors for men, is something you two must be prepared to work on together
The woman must be supportive…get to work on exercises with the man, visit a sex therapist/doctors together and find ways to help the man practically.
It all boils down to hard work, the woman stimulating the man’s organ, even after ejaculation working to get another erection going, being romantic, watching good love stories together and above all, being good friends together
Intimacy with one another, devotion to love talks and compliments, holding hands, having loving foreplay of playing with each other’s bodies makes a lot of sense to the eventual penile introduction and having sex.
It is well
Both must be fit and ready to work hard in this area and not say they are now old to partake again in this area of life’s enjoyment
Alhaja Olopade: According to majority of Scholars, masturbation is prohibited and is not permissible to practice it except on physician advice where it is prescribed to do it for a period of time on medical grounds.
Use of Sex toys is prohibited and not permissible under any circumstances.
Alhaja Olopade: It is unlawful for Muslims to use any of such instruments, it’s advisable to keep fasting instead of engaging in it.