It was the first day of the Semester and Hussain and Fatimata took adjoining seats for their first class in the Department of Sociology where they were freshers. Instantly, a bond of friendship was created as they smiled and exchanged pleasantries. This bond strengthened over their four-year sojourn in the University as they kept adjoining seats and enjoyed their lunch break in each other’s company, throughout the period. Course mates often wondered at the length and depth of their conversations which often spanned a variety of topics. On Fatimata’s part, she often briefed Hussain about all who indicated an interest in her and when she started dating Dapo, she solicited his advice on issues relating to their relationship which he willingly gave. After graduation, Hussain was posted to serve his National Youth Service in Cross River State while Fatimata headed to Zamfara with a promise to keep in touch. However, attempts to keep in touch by Fatimata were unreciprocated by Hussain and the relationship fizzled out.

Some ten years post graduation, fate threw Hussain and Fatimata together and they found themselves seated beside each other at a meeting in Hussain’s firm where Fatimata had been asked to represent her director. Imagine the shock on their faces coming face to face with each other again. After the business of the day, Fatimata retired to Hussain’s office and the following conversation ensued.

Hussain: “Just look at you girl. You could have been my wife you know? You just friendzoned me and toyed around with my emotions for four good years.”

 Fatimata gasped and responded saying “Come off it Hussain, you know we were nothing more than good friends. In fact, I saw you as an older brother in whom I could confide and seek advice. If you really felt differently, how come you never voiced it?”

Hussain’s calm response was “How could I when you were always confiding in me, especially about Dapo. I wanted your happiness and I am sincerely happy you sorted out your issues with Dapo and eventually got married. When we were posted to different states of the country for the National Youth Service Corps Scheme, I saw it as the perfect opportunity to break the cord after all, I had been friendzoned and couldn’t bear to continue to be strung along. Anyway, all that is history and I am genuinely glad to see you again”.

Fatimata ended the discourse with “That is an unfair statement Hussain. How was I to read your mind when you never voiced out your intentions? Don’t forget I was a naïve young girl in her late teens when we met in school. You know, I always wondered what I did wrong for you to end our friendship that way especially since my calls and messages to you in the early part of our service year were never acknowledged. Now I understand better. It certainly has been great catching up with you.”

The Cambridge dictionary defines Friendzone as “The state of being friends with someone when you would prefer a romantic or sexual relationship with them.” You know you are in the friendzone when she asks you for relationship advice.

Havilah is of the opinion that quite often a lack of declaration of one’s interest may end up putting such a person in the friendzone.  People must learn to communicate their intentions either verbally or through actions and not leave the discernment of their motives to conjecture.

Love

Havilah

It’s another Friday evening and the three musketeers as they are fondly called, meet as usual, to relax with their spouses. The Friday Rendezvous is usually rotated among them and today, it is Manfred and Nini’s turn to host. They are always excited when Nini is hosting because her cuisine is always “Finger licking good”.

After finishing a sumptuous meal, Gbenga exclaims patting his protruding stomach – “Mani bobo…hmm, Nini’s cooking skills are extraordinary and coming from me, you know that the comment is a fact. It beats everything I have eaten throughout the length and breadth of Africa and beyond. As a connoisseur of good food, it beats me how she consistently churns out these sumptuous meals, year in and year out. It is the consistency in quality that boosts my admiration”.

Fola picks it from there with “Mani, you are a lucky man o. No wonder you are never interested in offers to eat out. Nothing you find out there can beat what your woman serves. She is gifted jo, KILODE”!

The main meal served, the “boys” settle down to watch the finals of the soccer world cup on the large TV screen in the living room while the “sisfrens”, as they refer to themselves, retreat into the kitchen to help Nini serve the dessert. The following banter ensues.

Betty taps Nini on the shoulder with “Nini, na wa o. Where did you learn the culinary wonders, you churn out each time we are here? They are not dishes that are strange to us but they always taste intrinsically better. You have a way of tantalising the palate. Sisfren…pray, what is the secret ingredient? She concludes with a laugh”.

Nini replies with a smile “Truly sis, there is no secret ingredient, there is nothing to it. After all, you have sometimes assisted with the preparations, did you notice or see anything different or unusual?”

Rolayo continues by insisting “Haba, Nini, there must be something. Maybe you add it to the stock or some other ingredient before we are present. Referring to your cooking as finger-licking good is indeed an understatement”.

Nini heaves a deep sigh and replies “actually sisfrens, there is a secret ingredient and it is really very simple if only you can believe it works. For me, it works over and over again”.

Betty and Rolayo exchange glances and chorus in unison “We knew it. Come on sis, out with it”!

Nini continues” The secret ingredient is committing the entire process into God’s hand. As I embark on the preparations, I ask God to take control by making it wholesome for all who will eat of it and importantly, to not only nourish their bodies but make it excellent to their palates”.

Rolayo continues “You’ve got to be kidding me Nini. Who would have thought that to be the answer? However, on a second thought, the holy book enjoins us to entrust all our ways and endeavours into the hands of the Almighty and he will actualise it. What a practical application of that instruction. It is just that cooking seems so mundane, I would never have thought to involve God in the manner which you just explained”.

Hmm…Betty exhales slowly and responds “It is worth giving a try sis. It’s uncanny how God takes over and perfects things when we let him”.

With that, the “sisfrens” return to the living room with trays of delectable dessert and serve their husbands – each of them, determined to put into practice what they had just learned.

Havilah’s view? God is concerned in everything that pertains to us and if we let him in, he perfects us. Nothing is too mundane which is why he instructs that we commit everything into his hands.

Love

Havilah

Relationships are always a slippery terrain often fraught with challenges. Such challenges are usually shared with third parties usually with the intent to resolve conflict or disagreements or simply have some sense of relief from unburdening. Four ladies share their experiences regarding sharing their challenges with third parties outside of their “significant other”. The results are subject to your evaluation. Please read and learn.

Amy, gained admission to study a Master’s course in a city away from her fiancé, Kenny and proceeded, cautious of any entanglement that could jeopardise her relationship with Kenny. She knew herself to be friendly and engaging but she often placed a lid on platonic friendships especially with members of the opposite sex as she recognised that her fiancé was severely possessive and jealous. She, however, forged a platonic friendship with Michael who was a course mate and very helpful is assisting her to settle down in the new city. She did not hesitate to inform Kenny and keep him in the loop regarding her interactions with Michael, purely to keep his mind at rest. In that vein, she shared some of the pictures her tutorial class had taken at a picnic event with Kenny who was rather sullen and upset about it. Amy was devastated at Kenny’s reaction and blurted the surrounding incident to Michael who lent her a listening ear. Shortly after, Michael became her confidant and sounding board on issues relating to Kenny. Gradually, the bond grew and by graduation, a previously resolute Amy, was now confused as to whether to ditch Kenny for Michael or stick to her earlier promise.

Oluta on the other hand was married to Sokari until the marriage was shattered as a result of bad advice from her closest friend and confidant – her mom. Her incessant squabbles and quarrels with Sokari had formed the bedrock of her daily conversations with her mother who constantly urged her to stand up to her husband and even her scores whenever there was an argument. She constantly reminded her of the raw deal she had in the hands of Oluta’s father because she was the obedient submissive wife who never challenged anything he did. Even then, he had cheated on her with her best friend and married her friend as a second wife.

Ori on her part applauds the intervention of her mother in her marriage. She sees it as the saving grace her marriage needed. She explains…” I thought I couldn’t go on with all of Medu’s shenanigans. He was manipulative, dishonest and overbearing but each time I complained to my mother’s ever-listening ear, she gave me advice that would always calm the storm. Today, I enjoy a very happy relationship with my spouse who sees me as the “best thing” that could have happened to him. Thanks to my mom. Incidentally, before I turned to my mother for counsel, I had approached a Deaconess in our church whom I saw as a mother figure but things only worsened as Medu would always react negatively to being chastised by the Deaconess”.

Felicia places on record that she has had one consistent, constant, unchanging and unfailing confidant in her 15 years of marriage and the marriage has been blissful. She starts by stating “Right from the inception of our marriage, Felix insisted that whatever happens in it must stay between us. No third-party intervention would be entertained as any such intervention would form the basis of things falling apart. Initially, this seemed like a Herculean task until I found the answer…I would invite the Triune God into the marriage. I developed a habit of taking all challenges, disagreements, and issues to God in prayer. His ears are ever open to hear me and after pouring out my heart I always encounter peace, good counsel and the strength to carry on. Burdens and cares are lifted and nothing weighs me down. This also positively impacts my husband and our relationship. My motto, therefore, is that there is only one party worth inviting into your relationship and he is the only one that can stabilise it. That party is God”.

The challenges associated with marriage sometimes make it attractive to pour out one’s heart and receive both some level of relief and counsel while doing so. However, is it a prudent thing to do? While spilling out your heart to anyone you can never discern what that party is likely to do with the information and to what purpose his/her counsel is targeted. Will the information be spread to mock you, to engender sympathy on your behalf, to exploit the exposed cracks in your relationship, etc? The heart of man is deep, who can fathom it? Havilah advises that the much-needed relief, release and counsel can come from God alone because he knows all things and the personalities of the couples are exposed to him. Always cast your cares and burdens upon him.

Love

Havilah

Philo (an experienced Therapist) was astounded when she attended the 50^th birthday bash of her bosom friend, Mina. The party was well organised and gave all invitees a time to remember. The crème de la crème was all present and the guest list sported dignitaries from all walks of life. Philo felt honoured to be part of the occasion. However, the shocker that tugged at her senses and emotions came when Mina rose up to respond to a well-delivered toast. After extolling the virtues displayed by her father, his love and dedication in nurturing and caring for her, he went on to state that he acted the role of both mother and father… not because her mother was dead, but rather in her words “my mother starved me of love and care. Right after delivery, she behaved as if I did not exist and failed to carry out any maternal responsibility towards me. For her, it was I did not exist but I thank God for my dear father who took on the role of a doting mother”. The silence was palpable and it took a while before invitees responded with any form of applause. Philo was shocked to the bone but made a mental note to seek out her friend and elicit further details about what she blurted out.

A week later, Philo was opportune to be in Mina’s neighborhood and stopped by on a visit. After the usual small talk, she approached the topic of her intent…” Babe, what was all that talk about your late mum shirking her responsibilities regarding you, especially at such a public forum? That was a mean thing to say and importantly, we shouldn’t speak evil of the dead”.

Mina responded with “Philo, you can’t imagine how I have felt about it through the years. I felt like an abandoned child and seeing her every day turned my insides. I finally got it off my chest and got some release but I assure you, I still wonder what my birth meant to her, for her to behave that way toward me”.

Philo exhaled slowly and explained “I can only imagine how you felt but have you thought of how she felt knowing she was not acting right yet unable to help herself? Given your explanations about her behavior I believe she suffered from undiagnosed postpartum depression which resulted in psychosis. She was grossly misunderstood and deserves your empathy. Unfortunately, most persons are uninformed regarding postpartum ailments that may affect a mother post-delivery and postpartum depression is not often understood”.

She explained further “Postpartum depression can be described as a severe form of depression occurring after childbirth and sometimes during pregnancy. It typically occurs within the first three weeks of delivery although it may present later. The symptoms range from severe mood swings, excessive crying, change in appetite, intense irritability and anger to insomnia, fatigue and apathy. In severe or extreme cases, it leads to psychosis whereby the mother neglects or refuses to bond with the baby, suffers anxiety disorders and panic attacks and may even seek to harm the baby or contemplate suicide”.

Mina was immediately remorseful and exclaimed “May the Lord forgive me? You know, I can relate with a number of the symptoms you described. I guess mummy actually needed help and not condemnation. If only we knew what you have just explained”, she broke down weeping. After Philo succeeded in calming her friend down, the two friends spoke at length about the ailment and determined to set up an NGO for the purpose of enlightening women specifically and the public in general on Postpartum depression and to assist those diagnosed with it as well as their family members to better enable them to cope with the challenges it presents.

Havilah is of the opinion that antenatal visits to the hospital should better prepare would-be mothers for some of the postpartum challenges they could be faced with and how to recognise and handle them. Undoubtedly, birthing children is a joyous thing, however, occasionally, one may be faced with daunting challenges, post-delivery.

Love

Havilah

Phew…as I wipe the sweat off my brows I cannot help but wonder – how fast the year 2022 has gone. Since February this year, Havilah’s laptop has clattered incessantly to bring to our readers’ consciousness one topical issue after another. I want to appreciate all our readers and contributors from far and near who have served as sources of encouragement throughout the year, without whom the exercise would have been worthless. Thank you so very much.

The holiday season is indeed a time for relaxation and bonding with family. It is a busy time of various family engagements with loved ones and Havilah recognizes that need. Catching up with the various family engagements, shopping, cooking, family bonding time, weddings, birthdays, picnics, etc. is indeed energy consuming and Havilah will not belabour you with making time out to read as well.

I just want to wish you Happy Holidays as I take time out to enjoy the holiday season as well. See you in 2023, as I pray that we all cross over successfully into the year and that the advent year will portend much greater and more beautiful things in our lives.

Once again, happy holidays and let’s clink glasses to a Happy New Year!

Love

Havilah

It’s a week to Christmas and Dami is playing with Rere, the 8-year-old daughter of Princess, the cook to the Faderins (the parents of Dami). She recounts the plethora of gifts she has received from her parents for Christmas, – 2 new shoes, two lovely dresses, and a new bag, among others. As she mentions her gifts she notices Rere is crestfallen and inquires as to the reason. A sullen Rere replies “when I asked my dad for a Christmas dress he said there is no money and that he has to save towards my second term fees”. Immediately, Dami excuses herself and dashes off to her room to pick up one of her new dresses to give to Rere who is about the same age and size as her.

Just then, she bumps into her mother who with a quizzical look asks what she is doing with the dress. Her response was clear and direct “Mum, it’s Christmas and we are taught at children’s church that it is a time of giving. Rere does not have a dress for Christmas and I have two. Christmas day is just one day, not two so I have decided to give her my second dress for her to wear at Christmas”. Her mum replies “Certainly not Dami! That dress cost a fortune!  I won’t have you do that. Let me look for one of your used dresses to pass to her for Christmas”. Dami replies her mum, rolling her eyes and appealing to her emotions “Pretty please mum, we always give her my castaways…this is Christmas, why can’t she have a new dress. Furthermore, we are told that God’s greatest gift to us was the birth (giving) of his son which we commemorate at Christmas. Mum, she is my best friend and I want to give her this dress”.

Pelumi Faderin throws her hands up in exasperation and promises to revisit the matter when dad returns from work. By the time dad is home, Dami is already in bed but Pelumi replays the scene to Lanre Faderin at the dinner table.

Lanre takes a deep breath and says point of factly “You know Dami is intelligent and indeed she is right. This brings to memory one Christmas season I will never forget. A Christmas gift like no other that changed my life and that of my siblings for good and provided you with the husband you have today”. Lanre continues “20 years ago, I was in the first year in the university when my father, a motor mechanic, died in his sleep, a week to Christmas. My father had struggled to give his children an education while my mother, a petty trader at the time, took care of day-to-day expenses. For me, the first of 6 children, the world had just caved in, my dreams were broken and my ticket to an education that would eventually take the family away from the poverty line had been severed. That day Dim (yes, the same Dimeji Anyanwu) my bosom friend, walked into my room and I broke down uncontrollably, letting him into my shattered world. You know, Dimeji and I were from totally different backgrounds as he was heir apparent to the Anyanwu fortunes. An only child with affluent parents whose association with me had made him better focused resulting in him experiencing improved grades. Dim exercised the spirit of Christmas by persuading his parents to set up an Education Trust for me and 2 of my siblings thereby securing our education up to the university level. Today, your husband is a proud Chemical Engineer working within the Oil and Gas Industry, thanks to the Christmas spirit of a friend who is closer than a brother and his kind parents who understood the true spirit of Christmas. Pelumi, please allow Dami to put a smile on Rere’s face this Christmas by giving from the heart”.

Dear readers, once again, it is that time of the year filled with magical excitement for children, while parents are stretched to their limits. Christmas portends new outfits, good food, family events, Santa (a.k.a father Christmas) Christmas trees, lights, etc. for the children while parents struggle to provide for them. Parents are not left out of receiving as some employers give various holiday packages and gifts to their staff. Of course, all the buying translates into sales and huge profits for retail outlets and their vendors and the ripple effect of Christmas is a worldwide phenomenon. No other holiday season is as electrifying. It is a season when Christians all over the world commemorate the birth of Christ as God’s greatest gift to the world. Therefore, it is a time of giving and importantly, everyone has something to give – be it time, advice, kindness, love, assistance and the like. The list goes on. Have an awesome festive season.

Merry Christmas All.

Love

Havilah

Mr. and Mrs. Bruno are comfortably seated on their patio, sharing a bottle of sweet red wine and reminiscing over their courtship days. It is their 35^th  wedding anniversary and they ask themselves where the time went. Their two daughters, Kewe and Roli, aged 31 and 33 respectively, are graduates with comfortable though demanding jobs while their brother Renner, at 29 is a qualified neurosurgeon with one of the Teaching hospitals. As the happy pair turn their searchlight on their milestones over the past years, in walk the ladies – kewe and Roli, with some finger food and grilled fish (a favorite dish of the parents). After a hug each and the usual pleasantries, they settle down to join in the wine-drinking and conversation. Mrs. Bruno resumes her reminiscing with “Temi (meaning mine), do you remember the day my father came home and met you comfortably seated in our sitting room? We were deep in conversation and did not hear him come in from work…Mr. Bruno quickly cuts in with a burst of laughter and continues ” how could I ever forget? That was indeed funny. I felt like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. One look from your dad and I froze in my seat. I didn’t even notice his outstretched hand for the handshake that never came, neither did I hear a word of what he said until he barked at me in his baritone voice saying…”Omare, where did you find this discourteous young man? Did the dog bite off his tongue or is he a breathing statue”? mimicking his father-in-law. At this, all four of them fell into fits of laughter to which Roli exclaimed ”I can just imagine the look on grandpa’s face even as he spoke!”

After the laughter subsided, almost as if on cue, the parents chimed in unison – “by the way ladies, when will we meet with our sons-in-law? It is about time you settled down. Life is not all work”. Kewe responded with a quick “soon enough mum” while Roli went on to ask rhetorically, “where are the men”? The responses formed the basis of a lengthy discussion by all four as to the challenges faced by today’s young adults, regarding “settling down in marriage”. Roli sets the ball rolling with “Dad, your days were different. You guys had integrity which showed up in virtues like sincerity, trustworthiness and steadfastness. When you talked about love you were not stringing the ladies along and you were faithful. Besides, your parents were your role models and their marriages acted as the blueprint for you to follow. We saw that with grandpa and grandma Soares. I remember how grandma used to fuss over grandpa like a mother hen”, she said with a laugh and continued. “The converse is the case today. The men are so filled with deceit, insincerity and falsehood. You cannot trust them or take their words for truth. Speaking of which, mom, do you remember my friend Lande who now lives in Banjul? She suffered a nervous breakdown when her fiancé ditched her a week before the wedding after confessing to being lawfully married to another lady abroad. Can you imagine how devastating it was for her?”

“In addition” Roli chips in …” Many do not have sustainable incomes and worse still are those who cannot succinctly reveal their source of income. In response to inquiries about their occupation, you hear responses like “This and That” – r-e-a-l-l-y, where do you place such? Also, a number of them suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) whereby they exhibit an inflated ego and severe lack of empathy, resulting in a series of whirlwind romances. To be honest dad, your generation has failed us in the portrayal of healthy marriages. We have observed that a number of marriages can be considered failed marriages although the participants remain in the unhealthy situation, to keep up appearances. Mrs. B…count yourself one of the lucky few to enjoy the institution”.

Just then, Renner interjects. (He had arrived while the family was in the middle of the conversation and had his own opinion on the topic). “Come on ladies, this is a very biased notion of the situation. I certainly agree that what you have said is true but not all of us guys are bad. Sometimes the economy makes it difficult to settle down in marriage because financial adequacy is an important requirement in marriage. Where are the jobs and where they do exist, does your take-home income actually take you home? Let us also be mindful that some of the ladies out there are only interested in good times and are “fair weather” partners. There is also the set that practices radical Feminism in its most extreme form. They seek to dismantle traditional power and gender roles by advocating equality in every situation. This raises a red flag for men seeking to settle down in marriage”.

Mrs. Brume ends the conversation with “Hmmm…it appears that we have a lot to do to reinvent the wheel regarding the attitude of our young adults to the institution of marriage. Religious organisations such as churches, mosques, etc, and parents, have a lot to do in this regard as trust has to be rebuilt in marriage being a veritable institution for the propagation of mankind”.

Love

Havilah

Ronke and Mide had been married for 25 years and in spite of attending fertility clinics over the years, they were yet to have the much-desired child. All attempts to have a child of their own had proven futile and in the last five years, all three attempts at In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF) had ended unsuccessfully. The counsel of friends and family members to legally adopt a child had also fallen on deaf  ears for two principal reasons:

1. Clinical results showed that both of them were fertile and should be able to conceive.
2. They were concerned that they would not know or understand the genetic makeup of the adopted child and the inherited traits and diseases.

Their doctor had therefore invited them over to discuss another viable option open to them…SURROGACY.

Surrogacy is the process by which a woman is contracted to carry and deliver a child for a couple through In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF) or Intrauterine Insemination (IUI). The method to be used is determined by the type of surrogacy – IVF for Gestational Surrogacy and IUI for Traditional Surrogacy. Both types however require a legal contract between the couple and the surrogate mother prior to commencement to tie up all loose ends. There are two things that distinguish the options of surrogacy. i) With Traditional Surrogacy, the egg used is that of the surrogate mother which makes the surrogate the birth mother. The sperm used may be that of the male parent or a donor. However, with Gestational surrogacy, the egg is not that of the surrogate but is donated.

ii) Traditional surrogacy could lead to complications as there is a genetic bond between the surrogate mother and the child with the child and if she decides to withhold the child, it could result in knotty legal issues. Usually, Traditional surrogacy is rare because it can be fraught with complications and so is usually contracted with family or close friends who do it for altruistic reasons. This does not however arise with Gestational Surrogacy which is seen merely as rendered service for which the surrogate receives compensation.

Dr. Bentley’s recommendation to Ronke and Mide is as follows: “It is best you consider a Gestational Surrogacy where a neutral carrier would be sourced purely on a contractual basis. This would undoubtedly carry a financial burden of compensation in consideration for the services to be rendered in carrying the baby to term/delivery in addition to all the medical bills and associated pregnancy costs. This option is recommended especially since you both have healthy eggs and sperm and the only problem is the susceptibility of your womb to miscarry. That way, both your egg and sperm will be united and the ensuing embryo transferred by In Vitro Fertilisation into the uterus of the surrogate and she will be monitored until the child is delivered and given to you. Of course, a legal document detailing the steps and all that pertains to the contract must first be agreed and signed. Please go and consider it thoroughly and if found a viable option for you to pursue, give me a call. Are there any questions that may help your decision-making?

Ronke exhaled with a deep sigh and said in a quiet voice: “Doctor, I have a number of questions.

1. Will the child carry some of the DNA of the Surrogate mother?
2. Can she under any circumstances lay claim to the child?
3. What happens if she miscarries or if the child is stillborn?
4. What happens if the child is born with a disability?
5. Can the child be breastfed by her after delivery or how does that play out since we take delivery of the child immediately after he/she is born?
6. How can we be certain that she would take proper care of the foetus during the pregnancy and not subject it to harmful or dangerous exposure?
7. What happens if she dies during childbirth”?

Doctor Bentley replies “Rest assured sir and ma that the screening process is thorough and the potential surrogate’s age, lifestyle and medical history will undergo scrutiny. The Legal contract will also address the issue of ownership of the child, what happens in the event of miscarriage or stillbirth and breastfeeding among others. You can never be held liable for her death as she would be made to understand that she is taking a risk that could result in fatality although you may be required to take out life insurance for her in that regard. The draft contract will be vetted and agreed upon by both parties prior to execution and commencement of the contract, so you must read and agree to the terms first. Also, the surrogate is merely a vessel of delivery and her DNA cannot be transferred to the child. The child’s DNA will only relate to those who own the egg and sperm used which in this case will be yourselves. I hope I have answered your questions, so I look forward to hearing from you after you have made your decision”.

It is indeed heartwarming to know that strides in science and technology have made it possible for couples desiring to have children but who are constrained by challenges regarding fertility, to have increasing options, the latest being surrogacy. Havilah applauds the development and salutes all scientists who strive daily to improve our choices.

Love

Havilah

SEQUEL TO PLEASE HELP ME I’M FALLING

I want to thank all who took the time to send in advice for Mami’s consideration towards assisting with Paula’s dilemma last week. There were suggestions for her to go either way – follow her heart, or stick with her husband. However, the resonating word was “happiness”. She should go with what gives her happiness.

Havilah’s take is that “Happiness comes from within”. She needs to find her happiness and peace by connecting with God.